Confused … again
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Hey ladies. I hope you are all well.
Bit of the back story for you. We got the knock summer last year. We have just had a No Further Action outcome. I am obviously over the moon about this outcome and really look forward to having a "normal" co parenting relationship with my ex.
However, when he was first arrested social services advised me that the 73 imiages he was arrested for were uploaded from our IP address and these contained cats a through to c. Ages 3 to 16. We have a 3 year old and younger and the police advised me they had to cross reference my children to be sure it wasn't them. I obviously went mad and my ex assured his innocence on this and was even going to put me in touch with his solicitor to whom said that the 73 imiages could be a collection of images uploaded by multiple people within the group chat he was in.
Any way time passed on and we continued to try and work through our issues to be able to co parent at the best level. It's not been easy and we cannot communicate effectively with one another as we just don't understand eachother. Having said that the last few months I feel like we've really made progress. He has been in therapy since even before the knock and I 100% believe he was in a dark place and got lost down the rabbit hole and made some bad mistakes and is in a much better place now.
we got the phone call on Friday to say there will be no further action as no imiages were found on his device. The police officer then went on to say please do be mindful that those imiages were uploaded from your IP address. I just feel like it's tipped me over the edge. I don't know how to feel or what to do. He has obviously continued to lie to me or the police are lying. And I really do want to move forward with a positive, normal co parenting relationship and I do trust him with our kids ... but I know longer trust my own judgement. And he has lied to me so many times. I don't know what to do moving forward and how I feel.
I never thought I would feel like this. I feel really confused and honestly so pissed that he still can't be truthful with me after all this. I do not trust him there is also an issue with his mum and I am super worried he will lie about about contact/incidents with her if and when he is able to see the kids without supervision. How do we move forward ? And does anyone know what the process is with ss next?
Bit of the back story for you. We got the knock summer last year. We have just had a No Further Action outcome. I am obviously over the moon about this outcome and really look forward to having a "normal" co parenting relationship with my ex.
However, when he was first arrested social services advised me that the 73 imiages he was arrested for were uploaded from our IP address and these contained cats a through to c. Ages 3 to 16. We have a 3 year old and younger and the police advised me they had to cross reference my children to be sure it wasn't them. I obviously went mad and my ex assured his innocence on this and was even going to put me in touch with his solicitor to whom said that the 73 imiages could be a collection of images uploaded by multiple people within the group chat he was in.
Any way time passed on and we continued to try and work through our issues to be able to co parent at the best level. It's not been easy and we cannot communicate effectively with one another as we just don't understand eachother. Having said that the last few months I feel like we've really made progress. He has been in therapy since even before the knock and I 100% believe he was in a dark place and got lost down the rabbit hole and made some bad mistakes and is in a much better place now.
we got the phone call on Friday to say there will be no further action as no imiages were found on his device. The police officer then went on to say please do be mindful that those imiages were uploaded from your IP address. I just feel like it's tipped me over the edge. I don't know how to feel or what to do. He has obviously continued to lie to me or the police are lying. And I really do want to move forward with a positive, normal co parenting relationship and I do trust him with our kids ... but I know longer trust my own judgement. And he has lied to me so many times. I don't know what to do moving forward and how I feel.
I never thought I would feel like this. I feel really confused and honestly so pissed that he still can't be truthful with me after all this. I do not trust him there is also an issue with his mum and I am super worried he will lie about about contact/incidents with her if and when he is able to see the kids without supervision. How do we move forward ? And does anyone know what the process is with ss next?
CrazyWorld , I really feel for you and I understand how confused you must be feeling. I'm not totally sure about the Forensic process but I have also been assured by the police that even if images aren't recovered it definitely doesn't mean innocent, just that there's no evidence to charge. I understand how concerned you must be about your children and your absolute need to keep them safe.
im sorry that you are in this horrendous situation and I am sending you a big hug x
im sorry that you are in this horrendous situation and I am sending you a big hug x
Hi losteverything
Thank you for reading and taking the time to reply. It was a pretty long one.
The thing is I do trust him with the kids, I do not believe he will harm them nor do I think he is attracted to young children. It's the lying about what the police have said and the almost gaslighting around it. I get that he would just want to forget this all ever happened and move forward and I do want that too. How do you move forward with a lie as big as that.
I feel like I will be preventing us all kids mainly from living a normal life. Unless I just trust him again.
Thank you for reading and taking the time to reply. It was a pretty long one.
The thing is I do trust him with the kids, I do not believe he will harm them nor do I think he is attracted to young children. It's the lying about what the police have said and the almost gaslighting around it. I get that he would just want to forget this all ever happened and move forward and I do want that too. How do you move forward with a lie as big as that.
I feel like I will be preventing us all kids mainly from living a normal life. Unless I just trust him again.
Hi Lee1969,
you seem to be very knowledgeable about the tech stuff. Please can I ask you a question.
my partner has been accused of uploading images and videos onto his kik profile. I'm not tech savvy but the police say that he has distributed images ( is this uploading? )
my partner says that he wiped his phone by returning it to factory settings. I'm hoping that the police can still access what he has done??
you seem to be very knowledgeable about the tech stuff. Please can I ask you a question.
my partner has been accused of uploading images and videos onto his kik profile. I'm not tech savvy but the police say that he has distributed images ( is this uploading? )
my partner says that he wiped his phone by returning it to factory settings. I'm hoping that the police can still access what he has done??
Like Lee, I am very shocked that if he did download those images that they are not on his device. Did he get a new phone? Asides from that or being super techy I can't see how those images wouldn't be on his device - is there any chance someone else used your internet and did it? Since all of this I will never allow anyone to use my wi-fi.
In regards to the Kik question (apologies I've forgotten names of users already - I have brain fog today). Uploading images onto Kik would be distributing - if he has shared images on Kik I would guess that the images will be on his device (or a trace of them) - unless he has shared a link but then the evidence for that wouldn't likely be there if the conversation was deleted, however evidence of viewing the images on the link would be if that makes sense.
In regards to the Kik question (apologies I've forgotten names of users already - I have brain fog today). Uploading images onto Kik would be distributing - if he has shared images on Kik I would guess that the images will be on his device (or a trace of them) - unless he has shared a link but then the evidence for that wouldn't likely be there if the conversation was deleted, however evidence of viewing the images on the link would be if that makes sense.
Thank you for your reply BaffledB , sorry I didn't explain very clearly.... my partners forensic report hasn't come back yet. I am just hoping that what he's done is discovered and the fact that he wiped his phone won't stop evidence being found
Ahh I see, if he is being investigated for distribution through Kik then I would imagine it's highly likely he will be found out. Even wiping your phone doesn't hide images and for him to have distributed they would need to be on his device so they most likely will find them! Your phone saves allsorts you're not aware of.
Hey all. Thank you for the replies.
yes he is quite tech savvy and had recently got a new phone of about 6 months. He had admitted to me a few things at the beginning but now since the NFA say he never ever uploaded one imiage. The officer also said on the phone to me that had he known to restore/restart the phone after every deleted photo they wouldn't be able to locate the images.
kik sent intel that 73 imiages had been uploaded form our IP address. No we didn't have regular friends/family that would come round I don't think anyone ever signed onto our Wi-Fi. Having said all this like I said above I genuinely believe he got lost in this and has had a very firm kick and he has come far with his therapy.
I suppose, I just feel confused as to what I am supposed to do or feel. I cannot trust him in terms of being 100% transparent about anything now. I don't believe our children are at risk with him and I will work along side social services when they regain contact. There is just a level of doubt about everything now because honesty and trust is such a massive thing especially when it come to co parenting.
not sure if I am looking for advice or to off load my confusion. My brain is like scrabbled egg. Split between a normal life and always having doubt.
yes he is quite tech savvy and had recently got a new phone of about 6 months. He had admitted to me a few things at the beginning but now since the NFA say he never ever uploaded one imiage. The officer also said on the phone to me that had he known to restore/restart the phone after every deleted photo they wouldn't be able to locate the images.
kik sent intel that 73 imiages had been uploaded form our IP address. No we didn't have regular friends/family that would come round I don't think anyone ever signed onto our Wi-Fi. Having said all this like I said above I genuinely believe he got lost in this and has had a very firm kick and he has come far with his therapy.
I suppose, I just feel confused as to what I am supposed to do or feel. I cannot trust him in terms of being 100% transparent about anything now. I don't believe our children are at risk with him and I will work along side social services when they regain contact. There is just a level of doubt about everything now because honesty and trust is such a massive thing especially when it come to co parenting.
not sure if I am looking for advice or to off load my confusion. My brain is like scrabbled egg. Split between a normal life and always having doubt.
CrazyWorld,
I believe that many offenders would not re-offend and they would deal with whatever issue led them to where they were just from the shock alone from arrest and being investigated. I think it doesn't do any good having to serve any kind of sentence for things like this (where a first offence/spiralled from other issues/etc.) but if this was made the case across the board then there would be no deterrent and it would be taken less seriously. I wish your partner the best in moving forward from this and also hope you find some peace and happiness - it's very much deserved after going through this ordeal x
I believe that many offenders would not re-offend and they would deal with whatever issue led them to where they were just from the shock alone from arrest and being investigated. I think it doesn't do any good having to serve any kind of sentence for things like this (where a first offence/spiralled from other issues/etc.) but if this was made the case across the board then there would be no deterrent and it would be taken less seriously. I wish your partner the best in moving forward from this and also hope you find some peace and happiness - it's very much deserved after going through this ordeal x