How do I rebuild??
Notifications OFF
Apologies in advance as there is a long back story to this - my husband was abused when he was 12 by his PE teacher who took photos of him. When he was in his early twenties he bumped into this teacher and he had a sort of a break down and started looking at images online. (I have read the police reports, psychologist reports etc so I do believe this to be true). He was prosecuted and given a suspended sentence, put on the register for 10 years, had to go through the sex offenders rehabilitation programme etc. I met him when he was half way through this process, he was no longer looking at images, he was getting treatment and was open with me about everything. I met with his therapist, with probation, and police and I guess the way the information was presented to me was that this was his way of processing what happened to him when he was 12.
Anyway 10 years and two beautiful children later, we get the knock. It turns out that this time he was posing as an 18 year old on Grindr and having conversations with people that involved incest, saying that has had sex with his little sister (who doesn't exist). This was clearly a trigger word, because the police showed up at our door and took all of his devices. He was not charged but has been released on bail pending the investigation. He believes that they will find images on his phone when the investigation has been concluded, but he claims that they were sent to him but he didn't solicit them nor did he forward them on - essentially he was fantasizing. One of my questions is, can this be proved that the images were sent to him? Does this even matter, when it comes to charges? Could he be going to prison for this?
Regardless, we are divorcing, I can't trust him, even without the images I see what he has done as a betrayal, like he has been cheating on me. I also believe that he will do it again and I can't put our children through this again - its hard enough when the eldest is 3 - I can't imagine how you would deal with it when they are old enought to understand some or all of what is going on.
The conditions of his bail are that he is not allowed to be alone with our children and that he is not in the family home. Has anyone else out there been through this with young children? How did you cope suddenly being a single mother?
Sorry, I know that this is a bit rambly - honestly feeling so overwhelmed, I don't know what to deal with first. And deep down I feel like I brought this on myself, I knew about his history when we got together and I still decided to have a family with him. While I certainly don't blame myself for what he has done, I blame myself for getting into this situation in the first place.
Not sure what I want out of this post really, jsut some reassurance maybe that there is a way through this, that you can rebuild. Thanks in advance for any advice/support that you can offer.
Anyway 10 years and two beautiful children later, we get the knock. It turns out that this time he was posing as an 18 year old on Grindr and having conversations with people that involved incest, saying that has had sex with his little sister (who doesn't exist). This was clearly a trigger word, because the police showed up at our door and took all of his devices. He was not charged but has been released on bail pending the investigation. He believes that they will find images on his phone when the investigation has been concluded, but he claims that they were sent to him but he didn't solicit them nor did he forward them on - essentially he was fantasizing. One of my questions is, can this be proved that the images were sent to him? Does this even matter, when it comes to charges? Could he be going to prison for this?
Regardless, we are divorcing, I can't trust him, even without the images I see what he has done as a betrayal, like he has been cheating on me. I also believe that he will do it again and I can't put our children through this again - its hard enough when the eldest is 3 - I can't imagine how you would deal with it when they are old enought to understand some or all of what is going on.
The conditions of his bail are that he is not allowed to be alone with our children and that he is not in the family home. Has anyone else out there been through this with young children? How did you cope suddenly being a single mother?
Sorry, I know that this is a bit rambly - honestly feeling so overwhelmed, I don't know what to deal with first. And deep down I feel like I brought this on myself, I knew about his history when we got together and I still decided to have a family with him. While I certainly don't blame myself for what he has done, I blame myself for getting into this situation in the first place.
Not sure what I want out of this post really, jsut some reassurance maybe that there is a way through this, that you can rebuild. Thanks in advance for any advice/support that you can offer.
I'm so sorry that you find yourself here. These offences create such a horrendous situation for everyone involved.
I'm afraid I can't offer any direct advice as it was my son who offended but there will be some ladies here who fully understand the position you are in and, I'm sure, will be able to offer more relevant help and support.
The one thing I'm sure that many of us will say though is that there is a way through although it can be hard and full of ups and downs but you will find the strength.
Read through the forum, make a note of where you can find help and come here as much as you want to ask for help or just rant.
Hugs to you
I'm afraid I can't offer any direct advice as it was my son who offended but there will be some ladies here who fully understand the position you are in and, I'm sure, will be able to offer more relevant help and support.
The one thing I'm sure that many of us will say though is that there is a way through although it can be hard and full of ups and downs but you will find the strength.
Read through the forum, make a note of where you can find help and come here as much as you want to ask for help or just rant.
Hugs to you