What is it like being with someone on the SOR?
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Not a long post but does anyone have any advice on what it's like being with someone on the sex offenders register?
Are there any things in particular they can't do or places they can't go? My person will be on it for a while and when he is released from prison I'm worried he can't live in our current address as it is near a primary school, but I can't find any legal requirements online regarding where you can and cannot live / go. I can't imagine it makes sense to ban all sex offenders from living near schools as the UK is so small and dense there are practically schools everywhere! But I am thinking the worst worrying will he be allowed to go to gyms or swimming pools, to leisure centres, to festivals, to events like comic con. And I would hate to have to move out of our home. We don't have kids so social services won't be involved or anything like that.
Are there any things in particular they can't do or places they can't go? My person will be on it for a while and when he is released from prison I'm worried he can't live in our current address as it is near a primary school, but I can't find any legal requirements online regarding where you can and cannot live / go. I can't imagine it makes sense to ban all sex offenders from living near schools as the UK is so small and dense there are practically schools everywhere! But I am thinking the worst worrying will he be allowed to go to gyms or swimming pools, to leisure centres, to festivals, to events like comic con. And I would hate to have to move out of our home. We don't have kids so social services won't be involved or anything like that.
Hi Lucy,
Is the house you live in where he lived before? My understanding is that they cannot demand that you move but not sure how it works if his name isn't on the mortgage or rent. Some non council gyms have their own terms and conditions but council run leisure centres don't in my experience. I don't live with my person but we do go places together like swimming and the zoo, his visor has only said that they would have to notify anyone with children if we were to attend family bbqs, at the time I didn't push back but he has no physical restrictions so I will challenge if it ever becomes an issue. A lot will depend on if your partner is on license when released and the conditions on his shpo. If there are no physical restrictions on there such as places he can't go/live then he should be fine to do the things you've said in your post xx
Is the house you live in where he lived before? My understanding is that they cannot demand that you move but not sure how it works if his name isn't on the mortgage or rent. Some non council gyms have their own terms and conditions but council run leisure centres don't in my experience. I don't live with my person but we do go places together like swimming and the zoo, his visor has only said that they would have to notify anyone with children if we were to attend family bbqs, at the time I didn't push back but he has no physical restrictions so I will challenge if it ever becomes an issue. A lot will depend on if your partner is on license when released and the conditions on his shpo. If there are no physical restrictions on there such as places he can't go/live then he should be fine to do the things you've said in your post xx
Hi,
It’s the same house we lived in before, but I’ve had to take his name off the tenancy as he is remanded in prison, and had to lie to the estate agents and tell them we broke up, it’s rented from a private landlord. That’s interesting to know, I’m not close with the people in my family with kids so I probably wouldn’t bring him along anyway. He has not been sentenced yet so I don’t know how long he will be on license and what his shpo will be, but the solicitor said how it’s not just the sentence we would have to deal with it’s being on the SOR for life (although I know you can apply to come off it after 15 years) and having things like computer monitoring software. There are so many crimes out there but this one feels the most stigmatized and the most like a death sentence to your previous way of life and I just want a bit of hope that we can one day get back to the life we were used to living providing he works on himself and proves he has changed for the better. Thank you though that has helped x
It’s the same house we lived in before, but I’ve had to take his name off the tenancy as he is remanded in prison, and had to lie to the estate agents and tell them we broke up, it’s rented from a private landlord. That’s interesting to know, I’m not close with the people in my family with kids so I probably wouldn’t bring him along anyway. He has not been sentenced yet so I don’t know how long he will be on license and what his shpo will be, but the solicitor said how it’s not just the sentence we would have to deal with it’s being on the SOR for life (although I know you can apply to come off it after 15 years) and having things like computer monitoring software. There are so many crimes out there but this one feels the most stigmatized and the most like a death sentence to your previous way of life and I just want a bit of hope that we can one day get back to the life we were used to living providing he works on himself and proves he has changed for the better. Thank you though that has helped x
I'm sorry, I don't remember your story much. My person was communication but he was remanded too. He got 5 years shpo and 5 on sor with digital monitoring. Your partner should be able to start working on himself whilst on remand, I think it may be possible for him to speak with a therapist from stopso and should be able to call lff. Visits from visor and appointments with probation are inconvenient and the questions they ask are sometimes intrusive but it's part of the punishment so my person has become used to it. We don't live together so I've only had minimal contact with them but I know others on here have decent relationships with them. Certain holiday parks have a blanket ban on anyone on the sor staying there, that's worth knowing xx
My oh is on the SOR and I have been struggling with understanding what we can and can't do. From what I can understand after discussing with probation last week is that he can go places where children 'could' be eg swimming, zoos but he couldn't go swimming if he knew 100% that children would be there. For example if someone with kids said I'm going swimming at 1pm, then he couldn't go then. Or we couldn't arrange to meet friends and their kids at the pool without disclosing prior but if we bumped into them not knowing they'd be there then that would be ok!
Totally stupid and contradictory!
No family parties with kids there unless prior disclosure to parents for them to decide.
you can't travel to certain countries eg Thailand, USA.
Holiday parks such as Haven don't allow anyone on SOR, some smaller or independent parks may allow but you need to check their t&c before you book.
im finding it a bit of a struggle to assess can he go before we plan anything x
Totally stupid and contradictory!
No family parties with kids there unless prior disclosure to parents for them to decide.
you can't travel to certain countries eg Thailand, USA.
Holiday parks such as Haven don't allow anyone on SOR, some smaller or independent parks may allow but you need to check their t&c before you book.
im finding it a bit of a struggle to assess can he go before we plan anything x
Hi,
I think it really depends on their SHPO restrictions and their visor. My OH has internet only restrictions and is on the SOR for 5 years.
we go swimming once a week, to a family session. We go to soft play once a week. We go to the park. We've been to family and friends houses and birthday parties.
the SOR is a notifiable tool, you have to declare of you spend more than 12 hours with someone under 18 so parents can be made aware of the offence.
all other restrictions are the SHPO or the visor/po overstepping. Our visor is amazing and is so supportive of my oh and knows we do all the above things, we have family members and niece/nephews that he can go stay with.
a lot will also depend on the t&c's of places you want to go, like centre parks etc. won't let sex offenders go.
It's in facebooks t&c's that sex offenders can't be on there- my oh visor said she can't stop him having it or going to places that say sex offenders can't go as he doesn't have any restrictions. It's just protecting him from allegations.
his visor also told us to disclose to as few people as possible, his work has apprentices and as long my phone doesn't work for 12 hours she has said he doesn't need to disclose to his boss.
I think it really depends on their SHPO restrictions and their visor. My OH has internet only restrictions and is on the SOR for 5 years.
we go swimming once a week, to a family session. We go to soft play once a week. We go to the park. We've been to family and friends houses and birthday parties.
the SOR is a notifiable tool, you have to declare of you spend more than 12 hours with someone under 18 so parents can be made aware of the offence.
all other restrictions are the SHPO or the visor/po overstepping. Our visor is amazing and is so supportive of my oh and knows we do all the above things, we have family members and niece/nephews that he can go stay with.
a lot will also depend on the t&c's of places you want to go, like centre parks etc. won't let sex offenders go.
It's in facebooks t&c's that sex offenders can't be on there- my oh visor said she can't stop him having it or going to places that say sex offenders can't go as he doesn't have any restrictions. It's just protecting him from allegations.
his visor also told us to disclose to as few people as possible, his work has apprentices and as long my phone doesn't work for 12 hours she has said he doesn't need to disclose to his boss.
Hi everyone,
Thank you for your advice it's been really helpful and given me hope for the future. Does an SHPO get given when the person gets sentenced or is it once their custodial sentence is complete and upon release? Are the rules given once he is released quite clear as my OH has heard horror stories of people getting sent back to prison for accidentally violating terms of their release like missing an appointment
Thank you for your advice it's been really helpful and given me hope for the future. Does an SHPO get given when the person gets sentenced or is it once their custodial sentence is complete and upon release? Are the rules given once he is released quite clear as my OH has heard horror stories of people getting sent back to prison for accidentally violating terms of their release like missing an appointment
I met my partner several years after he left prison and we now live together. We live a good, happy, fulfilling life but it does come with always being vigilant and conscious of his conditions. He's very mindful of situations he puts himself into for his own safety and security. So he goes swimming and to the gym but avoids times when school classes might be on etc. if somewhere has too many youngsters there he'll leave. He's overly cautious perhaps but would rather be safe than sorry if he got recognised etc. he has had to leave a previous gym where someone recognised him because he felt awkward and didn't want any scene. It's incredibly sad people can't accept people for who they are now rather than constantly judging for things in the past. But I'm getting use to it being a part of our lives and just something we do have to bear in mind. We spend s lit if time walking and camping - that's one way to avoid difficult situations!
OMG GZ and Lee!! I feel lied to and robbed!
My partner has internet only restrictions on SHPO such as not deleting browsing history, no contact restrictions!
he wasn't allowed to go to a family gathering for 2 hours without disclosing to all parents so he didn't go! I did point out that the SOR only states if you are spending time with u18 for 12 hours but they both said that it was their risk assessment and he needs to disclose or not go!
My partner has internet only restrictions on SHPO such as not deleting browsing history, no contact restrictions!
he wasn't allowed to go to a family gathering for 2 hours without disclosing to all parents so he didn't go! I did point out that the SOR only states if you are spending time with u18 for 12 hours but they both said that it was their risk assessment and he needs to disclose or not go!
GZ do all friends with kids know about your oh, the one who's houses you went to ?
We've been told that it is a definite no no without prior disclosure as we wouldn't want a S/O in our home or round our kids without us knowing x
We've been told that it is a definite no no without prior disclosure as we wouldn't want a S/O in our home or round our kids without us knowing x
Our close friends and family know, the visor has never told us to disclose to other people.
we have been to birthday parties in the community where not everyone knew, we have a plan for these events to prevent allegations. He stays with me all the time or somewhere I can see him. He's never in a position where he would be alone.
as we have no restrictions saying he has to disclose or that he has to have ss permission we use our judgement, his visor is really supportive of him having a 'normal' family life.
have you spoken to his visor? I've met with my oh and phoned her a few times with questions and she's always been great.
we have a baby so we don't have nursery or schools involved and he will be off it by the time she is 5. We've been on holiday, been to the beach, had day trips, museums, being on the sor hasn't been any different to us from our life before- apart from the crap ss are putting us through and their restrictions/recommendations. But that's another battle
maybe put in a data request to police and probation to see what they have said. I have seen my oh probation risk assessment and it doesn't mention anything about disclosing in it.
we have been to birthday parties in the community where not everyone knew, we have a plan for these events to prevent allegations. He stays with me all the time or somewhere I can see him. He's never in a position where he would be alone.
as we have no restrictions saying he has to disclose or that he has to have ss permission we use our judgement, his visor is really supportive of him having a 'normal' family life.
have you spoken to his visor? I've met with my oh and phoned her a few times with questions and she's always been great.
we have a baby so we don't have nursery or schools involved and he will be off it by the time she is 5. We've been on holiday, been to the beach, had day trips, museums, being on the sor hasn't been any different to us from our life before- apart from the crap ss are putting us through and their restrictions/recommendations. But that's another battle
maybe put in a data request to police and probation to see what they have said. I have seen my oh probation risk assessment and it doesn't mention anything about disclosing in it.
I have met both his visor and PO they seem ok but things such as not allowed to go to a family members birthday party, fully supervised at all times by me and his parents, unless we disclosed prior to all 20 sets of parents winds me up! Yet he is allowed to collect children from school with school visor and PO fully supportive of that!