Can a family heal & forgive
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Hi All
Been here since January 2022. I read all new posts daily before bed. Thankfully we are out the other side of this nightmare and I have been feeling ok, but this week I have been really sad that my Partner of 20+ years will no longer give my Brother the time of day.
Until recently we have just been getting on with things. I am in contact with my Brother by phone/text but haven't really seen him as before all this we would meet rounds Mums for every Sunday, for a nice Sunday Roast. Since we found out about the knock we have been still going round on Sunday but my Brother doesn't.
I now find myself dreading Christmas. We always spend it together but that's not going to happen. I mentioned to my Partner maybe this year we can go away just us two as its still raw at least then my brother won't be on his own (he is single).
But my partners response was....its never going to happen. I will never associate myself with someone like him. My partner read the newspaper article and will not listen to any reasoning. Not that I am trying to defend what he did but I was trying to explain its not black & white and lots of good people get caught up in this terrible crime.
The relationship between me, my partner and mum & dad has not changed its still good but I feel like I can't talk about my brother around my partner or tell him any good things that is happeneding with him.
Will my family ever fully heal, will my partner ever just listen to what I have learnt on here
Just needed to get my thoughts out. I know you guys can't answer such a question but thank you for listening though.
Xx
Been here since January 2022. I read all new posts daily before bed. Thankfully we are out the other side of this nightmare and I have been feeling ok, but this week I have been really sad that my Partner of 20+ years will no longer give my Brother the time of day.
Until recently we have just been getting on with things. I am in contact with my Brother by phone/text but haven't really seen him as before all this we would meet rounds Mums for every Sunday, for a nice Sunday Roast. Since we found out about the knock we have been still going round on Sunday but my Brother doesn't.
I now find myself dreading Christmas. We always spend it together but that's not going to happen. I mentioned to my Partner maybe this year we can go away just us two as its still raw at least then my brother won't be on his own (he is single).
But my partners response was....its never going to happen. I will never associate myself with someone like him. My partner read the newspaper article and will not listen to any reasoning. Not that I am trying to defend what he did but I was trying to explain its not black & white and lots of good people get caught up in this terrible crime.
The relationship between me, my partner and mum & dad has not changed its still good but I feel like I can't talk about my brother around my partner or tell him any good things that is happeneding with him.
Will my family ever fully heal, will my partner ever just listen to what I have learnt on here
Just needed to get my thoughts out. I know you guys can't answer such a question but thank you for listening though.
Xx
Sadsister
I am.sorry you are having a tough time been caught up in the middle it is so difficult but only time will tell and hopefully things will improve eventually for you all
I dont have any advice but just wanted to send you hugs x
I am.sorry you are having a tough time been caught up in the middle it is so difficult but only time will tell and hopefully things will improve eventually for you all
I dont have any advice but just wanted to send you hugs x
This is very tough. I am in the same situation as you, it's my sibling. My husband is very angry with him, not even for the crime itself so much but for the agony it's caused me and the family. I'm sure your partner feels the same - he's probably had to watch the emotional and mental torture you've had to go through and that's why he's so reluctant to be around him.
i think for us it'll take time. There will never be forgiveness completely but time is a great healer.
sadly we can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do, as much as we wish we could. It would make our lives easier if our partners just accepted it like we have to do and move forward. I'm hoping without pushing it too much with my husband, he'll eventually tolerate being in his company as a family. I never expect them to have any sort of personal relationship and that's fine.
Give it time and let him have his own feelings about it - he's allowed to feel however he wants. Be patient. I wish you all the luck in the world. X
i think for us it'll take time. There will never be forgiveness completely but time is a great healer.
sadly we can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do, as much as we wish we could. It would make our lives easier if our partners just accepted it like we have to do and move forward. I'm hoping without pushing it too much with my husband, he'll eventually tolerate being in his company as a family. I never expect them to have any sort of personal relationship and that's fine.
Give it time and let him have his own feelings about it - he's allowed to feel however he wants. Be patient. I wish you all the luck in the world. X
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Hi Daffodil
Yes he is being pigheaded, he is basically saying he will never be around my brother again (all of us together) and its all my brothers fault and not his problem. Which in part he is right but surely there should be room for forgiveness as long as my brother stays on the right path.
His just added to my pain but when I.try and discuss it he thinks im just defending my brother which I am not.
Thanks again for letting me rant. I will look at the information you mentioned and see if he is willing to read it, like he read the newspaper article.
I told him the media often fabricate what is written which they did in our case but he doesn't believe the media are allow to do that and so believes everything they said which of course made my brother out to be a monster.
I will keep trying maybe I can talk him round. Its still early days for him.
Xx
Yes he is being pigheaded, he is basically saying he will never be around my brother again (all of us together) and its all my brothers fault and not his problem. Which in part he is right but surely there should be room for forgiveness as long as my brother stays on the right path.
His just added to my pain but when I.try and discuss it he thinks im just defending my brother which I am not.
Thanks again for letting me rant. I will look at the information you mentioned and see if he is willing to read it, like he read the newspaper article.
I told him the media often fabricate what is written which they did in our case but he doesn't believe the media are allow to do that and so believes everything they said which of course made my brother out to be a monster.
I will keep trying maybe I can talk him round. Its still early days for him.
Xx
Thank you Upset mum
Sending hugs right back to you x
Xx
Sending hugs right back to you x
Xx
Sadsister22
The fact you are supporting your brother is so important
My daughter is there for her brother, my son every step of the way
And there relationship has grown stronger throughout this journey
You have a level head about you even though you are stuck in the middle but please know just been there for him is priceless
Yes they have done wrong and I think us as women we are far more understanding than men
But your partner needs to understand and support your decision along with your parents at the end of the day he is your brother
This journey does not make them bad people and if we can change just one person's perception of offending then we are raising awareness
I would never have imagined I would be here and living this journey but I am, i cant change it but do we give up, no we dont because we have love and strength xx
The fact you are supporting your brother is so important
My daughter is there for her brother, my son every step of the way
And there relationship has grown stronger throughout this journey
You have a level head about you even though you are stuck in the middle but please know just been there for him is priceless
Yes they have done wrong and I think us as women we are far more understanding than men
But your partner needs to understand and support your decision along with your parents at the end of the day he is your brother
This journey does not make them bad people and if we can change just one person's perception of offending then we are raising awareness
I would never have imagined I would be here and living this journey but I am, i cant change it but do we give up, no we dont because we have love and strength xx