Mum needing advise
Notifications OFF
Good morning, I've been on this site for a while now but just gained the courage to tell my story I'm a mother to a 20year old who got 'the knock' this April as an image had been uploaded from our IP address it turned out to be my sons Snapchat they took all his electronic equipment but left everyone elses. I have 2 other young children under 18. My son was taken to the police station and bailed with the condition he couldn't sleep in our property we didnt have any family or friends we could turn to for help and have had to keep him in booking.com hotels he had to quit his last year of university to find agency work asap to cover the cost of staying in hotels we couldn't even get him private accommodation as they asked for wage slips etc which we didn't have for him it finally came to a head when he couldn't afford it anymore and had to go emergency homeless and was given a bed sit to stay in the case has now gone to cps the SW who is doing a section 47 on us has advised he will go to prison and won't ever be allowed to live with us that was on the 1st visit! I'm absolutely terrified I don't sleep have quit work due to stress and anxiety and we now rely on my husband sole self employed salary to keep us going. I feel like my life is over regardless we are living a prison sentence regardless of the outcome every day its just getting through another 24 hours my question is once the file goes to cps does it mean he will be charged and go to prison? Because at that point I'm presuming it'll be in the papers and truth be told we will have hell to pay regardless of his outcome I'm already looking at moving town or even country something like this will never leave us and my other 2 children will get the brunt of it which seems unfair but is the harsh reality unfortunately we are a close community and people in this town don't let you forget. The SW says she was told he had downloaded over 6000 images ranging from cat A to Cat C which my son told the police on his 1st interview he had been using a site called Reddit to share adult porn but he was sent large downloads that were on his mobile and he wasn't aware when he shared what he thought was an adult porn file it must have had the iioc on it to be honest I don't know what to believe I just want this to be over and try and make the right decision for our other 2 children I just feel so confused and scared right now and any advise would be appreciated especially from any mothers in a similar situation thank you.
Hopefulmum
I am so sorry that you have found yourself here but honestly it is the most understandable group to be sharing your journey with,
I am a mum also like many of us on here so you are not alone
Have you and your son phoned the helpline?
This journey can take so long so prepare yourself for just waiting
No one can tell you that your son will get sentanced to prison only the judge on the day can make that decision
We often say on here prepare for the worst then if non custodial it is a better outcome
The fact you are standing by him is so important for your son,
You are definitely not alone so reach out to us we are here for you all xx
I am so sorry that you have found yourself here but honestly it is the most understandable group to be sharing your journey with,
I am a mum also like many of us on here so you are not alone
Have you and your son phoned the helpline?
This journey can take so long so prepare yourself for just waiting
No one can tell you that your son will get sentanced to prison only the judge on the day can make that decision
We often say on here prepare for the worst then if non custodial it is a better outcome
The fact you are standing by him is so important for your son,
You are definitely not alone so reach out to us we are here for you all xx
Post deleted
Hopeful mum
Unlike Daffodil, I have no advice but that social worker sounds harsh and over reaching to me
Unlike Daffodil, I have no advice but that social worker sounds harsh and over reaching to me
Hi hopeful mum,
I am a mum and my son was 23 when he was charged he didn't recieve a knock, he self disclosed to the police. Essentially he wanted help for his "porn addiction". . He ended up recieving a caution , no prisosn sentence or suspended sentence.
I know every case is different , my advice is that encourage your son to be open and honest with the police, to seek help and advice from LFF, also encourage your son to speak to LFF about getting counselling / doing the inform course , this will help him to understand how he ended up in this situation and viewing iioc's.
How old are your other children. My concern is that your son seems to be completely on his own if he is in other accommodation hotels/ hostels etc without the support of his family. This may not be good for his own mental health. I was fortunate that my daughter was 18 at the time so my son was able to stay home.
the social worker is stepping over her/ his mark by saying your son will go to prison, she is scare mongering which is unecessary and unkind . Their role is purely to safe guard your other children and support your family! I have known that in some cases some offenders have been allowed to stay. Other ladies will correct me if thats not the case but I feel sure they have.
I know your son may have done wrong but for him to be homeless is not right .
I wish you all the very best on this difficult journey its not easy but feel reasurred that you can receive alot of support from us.
maij x
I am a mum and my son was 23 when he was charged he didn't recieve a knock, he self disclosed to the police. Essentially he wanted help for his "porn addiction". . He ended up recieving a caution , no prisosn sentence or suspended sentence.
I know every case is different , my advice is that encourage your son to be open and honest with the police, to seek help and advice from LFF, also encourage your son to speak to LFF about getting counselling / doing the inform course , this will help him to understand how he ended up in this situation and viewing iioc's.
How old are your other children. My concern is that your son seems to be completely on his own if he is in other accommodation hotels/ hostels etc without the support of his family. This may not be good for his own mental health. I was fortunate that my daughter was 18 at the time so my son was able to stay home.
the social worker is stepping over her/ his mark by saying your son will go to prison, she is scare mongering which is unecessary and unkind . Their role is purely to safe guard your other children and support your family! I have known that in some cases some offenders have been allowed to stay. Other ladies will correct me if thats not the case but I feel sure they have.
I know your son may have done wrong but for him to be homeless is not right .
I wish you all the very best on this difficult journey its not easy but feel reasurred that you can receive alot of support from us.
maij x
A heartfelt thank you to all you lovely ladies for your advise and reaching out. My other 2 children are my son 17 (soon to be 18) and my daughter who has just turned 12. I do understand that the SW has a job to do but it's so demoralising having to hear he'll never be allowed home. I'm going to get him to get in touch with LFF today and see what happens but from our general experience of getting in touch with authorities for help I.e our local council when I advised why he was homeless they said he had made himself intentionally homeless and couldn't help him he then had to turn up at a charity homeless shelter and they were brilliant I can't praise them enough no judgement just genuine help. I really do feel he does need to address whatever issues caused him to reach this point in life but I've become so scared of getting in touch with them I've seen the look of disgust when I've had to disclose to people who should have helped him. But I've read a lot of good things about LFF and your words have assured me he should contact them. Luckily I have recorded all the conversations with the SW so I'm prepared for anything she may have to say or distort but it's genuinely so scary to think that an individual can have so much power over so many lives. In the meantime I take everyday at a time and hope for the best outcome for the sake of my children.