No one believes me
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So it's been a while since I've posted and just trying to get on with life. My ex partner has moved out now and I'm trying to remain supportive.
One of my closest friends, that I told early on, have been talking and she doesn't believe the story that my ex has told me about what he's done. Tbh I can understand her point of view, but until hard facts have been given, all I have is his word that what he had said is true. And for whatever trust I have left to give him, I'm choosing to believe that is it.
I told my friend exactly that
Until proofs, or solicitors or transcripts are provided, then I'm taking his word. And if what he has told me is a lie, or fabricated, then the jokes on me and I'm the one made out to be a fool. But this is my choice.
I have one close friend left to tell and was waiting until she had her wedding. Tbh in my heart I'm tired of defending him. I don't know how to defend him. I know the concerns my friend has is the same as what I would have if the shoe was on the other foot. All I can do at this point is believe in what he says and just pray and hope that there is all there is to it. Even if deep down I know they're may be more he might not be saying.
Has anyone else had this.. I don't know what to say anymore.. Anytime I tell his story and what he's said to me, I hear myself and wouldn't believe it either.
For context he told me he arranged to meet a police decoy after chatting online to a girl on kik that he said was 18 at first, but then they said were 15. Apparently no sexual details discussed or photos sent. We are waiting for devices to be checked, and are 10 months in. My friend believes there's more to it. And maybe I do too, but unless I hear concrete evidence otherwise I don't know what to think
One of my closest friends, that I told early on, have been talking and she doesn't believe the story that my ex has told me about what he's done. Tbh I can understand her point of view, but until hard facts have been given, all I have is his word that what he had said is true. And for whatever trust I have left to give him, I'm choosing to believe that is it.
I told my friend exactly that
Until proofs, or solicitors or transcripts are provided, then I'm taking his word. And if what he has told me is a lie, or fabricated, then the jokes on me and I'm the one made out to be a fool. But this is my choice.
I have one close friend left to tell and was waiting until she had her wedding. Tbh in my heart I'm tired of defending him. I don't know how to defend him. I know the concerns my friend has is the same as what I would have if the shoe was on the other foot. All I can do at this point is believe in what he says and just pray and hope that there is all there is to it. Even if deep down I know they're may be more he might not be saying.
Has anyone else had this.. I don't know what to say anymore.. Anytime I tell his story and what he's said to me, I hear myself and wouldn't believe it either.
For context he told me he arranged to meet a police decoy after chatting online to a girl on kik that he said was 18 at first, but then they said were 15. Apparently no sexual details discussed or photos sent. We are waiting for devices to be checked, and are 10 months in. My friend believes there's more to it. And maybe I do too, but unless I hear concrete evidence otherwise I don't know what to think
Lost258,
I totally understand what you are saying. I also don't know if I believe what my partner has said. I think I got caught up in trying to give reasons for what he has allegedly done as a way to defend him ( and cling onto the possibility of a future together) in front of my friends and family.
The whole situation is so horrific that I think that our judgements become a little scewed. I have said to myself what if he only did it once? Is that more forgivable/ less awful? The answer I've decided is no.. once is enough.
like you said your partner has allegedly had 'chats'with underaged girls. Maybe instead of worrying about whether you believe him about the content of the chats.... decide whether you find it acceptable that he was chatting in this way to a woman of any age?
I think we all have to try to step back and decide if we can personally cope with the accounts given by our people and accept that these accounts maybe a diluted version of the truth that we may hear at a later date.
I totally understand what you are saying. I also don't know if I believe what my partner has said. I think I got caught up in trying to give reasons for what he has allegedly done as a way to defend him ( and cling onto the possibility of a future together) in front of my friends and family.
The whole situation is so horrific that I think that our judgements become a little scewed. I have said to myself what if he only did it once? Is that more forgivable/ less awful? The answer I've decided is no.. once is enough.
like you said your partner has allegedly had 'chats'with underaged girls. Maybe instead of worrying about whether you believe him about the content of the chats.... decide whether you find it acceptable that he was chatting in this way to a woman of any age?
I think we all have to try to step back and decide if we can personally cope with the accounts given by our people and accept that these accounts maybe a diluted version of the truth that we may hear at a later date.
And now it's 5am and I've been awake all night telling myself that I don't believe him.... and then i want to believe him because I remember how in my old life of 8 weeks ago he'd be getting up and making me a cup of tea in a couple of hours. How i long for those simple normal moments. Taken for granted and probably never to happen again ????
I'm wondering if you have to defend him or say what you believe. I wonder if you can just state the facts, the situation and that right now you are choosing to support him because you feel that is the right thing to do. Bringing the focus back to you and away from him. You feel its the right thing to do to support him right now, you are telling your friends because you need support.
It you find out he's not been honest will that change what you do?
It you find out he's not been honest will that change what you do?
Thank you for the replies.
Losteverything - my friends said exactly the same thing "what if it had been a woman of any age". And I do agree. I guess that's also one of the reasons we're not together. I'm sorry that my post kept you awake with my thoughts. It's strange how most days I can be fine and just getting on, and then from no where there's a barrage of unanswered questions. I think back to all of our moments pre the knock, and wish I valued certain things more.
SAL - I think my support for him would change depending on what more there was about it. Right now we're still very much friends with each other, text each other quite a bit and I want to be sure mentally he is doing OK. He's had some very low points and has openly said previous that he feels like ending it all. He's come through those low points and is trying to get him self back on track.
I think in once sense it maybe feels like I'm trying to defend, when in fact it's not defending, because his actions have been wrong and can't be defended. But maybe its more trying to find reasoning and for whats happened, and explaining why I can see how we got here, and explaining my need/want to support him through it. I want to be there for him
My friend has been my rock. She's been very open minded about it and hasn't turned her back. Shes probably one of the only people out of who knows, who regularly wants to check in with me and ask how I am. Others that know seem like they're scared to ask me, incase it brings it back up and we're all just trying to move on and forget it's happened.
Losteverything - my friends said exactly the same thing "what if it had been a woman of any age". And I do agree. I guess that's also one of the reasons we're not together. I'm sorry that my post kept you awake with my thoughts. It's strange how most days I can be fine and just getting on, and then from no where there's a barrage of unanswered questions. I think back to all of our moments pre the knock, and wish I valued certain things more.
SAL - I think my support for him would change depending on what more there was about it. Right now we're still very much friends with each other, text each other quite a bit and I want to be sure mentally he is doing OK. He's had some very low points and has openly said previous that he feels like ending it all. He's come through those low points and is trying to get him self back on track.
I think in once sense it maybe feels like I'm trying to defend, when in fact it's not defending, because his actions have been wrong and can't be defended. But maybe its more trying to find reasoning and for whats happened, and explaining why I can see how we got here, and explaining my need/want to support him through it. I want to be there for him
My friend has been my rock. She's been very open minded about it and hasn't turned her back. Shes probably one of the only people out of who knows, who regularly wants to check in with me and ask how I am. Others that know seem like they're scared to ask me, incase it brings it back up and we're all just trying to move on and forget it's happened.