Partner arrested
Notifications OFF
So it has been approx 3 weeks. I didnt get the "knock" I was at work and came home to police seizing electronics of my partners. My first thought was he had been hurt when I came home to them standing there. I did not expect this at all, the police said they could not tell me anything at all despite them searching my home too. I mean who expects this. I have struggled loads since. My mother and step dad know because I didnt know what to do, I did not know what he had been arretsed for. But now I wish they didnt know because there is so much pressure from them at me about him. It is not black and white I have leanred. People do not truly understand until they are in it. I have felt somewhat numb about it for a while now, I hate myself for that, I feel I should be angry but I either dont have the energy or again I feel numb. It is going to be dragged out for such a long time, is that why I keep going so called numb to it? Like of course I feel sad and angry but I can't act on it most of the time. I sometimes still dont believe he could do what he did, saving images and perhaps distributing. How did I not know in our own home together, I have been offered a counselling session as part of his counselling but I dont know if I should do it or what I can say.
All of these feelings are normal, I was numb too couldnt understand why I wasn't angry but then it came out, but I was able to speak and process it better because I had all the facts., I still, almost 2 years down the line go from numb, angry, sad, heartbroken but it's a lot easier than at the start. Give yourself a break you're putting too much pressure on yourself. You don't have to do counselling unless your ready and thats for you and noone else to decide
Shatteredworld
In the early days after the knock I had counselling and my counsellor expressed surprise at my apparent lack of anger. A friend I confided in at the time said I was being "very grown up about all this". For me, the anger came later, and still hasn't gone away. I'm now wondering, in the light of your post, whether perhaps I was numb too. Extremely shocked, but numb.
It's so hard for us all, wondering whether or not to tell, or whether we should have told, because we don't know whether the reaction will hinder or help us, but at the same time, having no one to talk to about this, is hard. I think about it every day, but in my interactions with others I can't mention it, and this makes me feel fake. I have always been an honest and up front person, I've never liked secrets, and this one is killing me. I worry that when it all comes out, as it inevitably will, friends and family will never trust me again, knowing I kept this from them all this time. Not that it's any of their business. But it's the sort of thing people think they should be told about.
In the early days after the knock I had counselling and my counsellor expressed surprise at my apparent lack of anger. A friend I confided in at the time said I was being "very grown up about all this". For me, the anger came later, and still hasn't gone away. I'm now wondering, in the light of your post, whether perhaps I was numb too. Extremely shocked, but numb.
It's so hard for us all, wondering whether or not to tell, or whether we should have told, because we don't know whether the reaction will hinder or help us, but at the same time, having no one to talk to about this, is hard. I think about it every day, but in my interactions with others I can't mention it, and this makes me feel fake. I have always been an honest and up front person, I've never liked secrets, and this one is killing me. I worry that when it all comes out, as it inevitably will, friends and family will never trust me again, knowing I kept this from them all this time. Not that it's any of their business. But it's the sort of thing people think they should be told about.
I too wish now I hadn't told my family......my son (from previous marriage) wants nothing to do with me whilst I am with my OH.
But at the same time, it is making me feel like my head is going to explode, by having to be fake with everyone else that doesn't know!
But at the same time, it is making me feel like my head is going to explode, by having to be fake with everyone else that doesn't know!
Social services told my daughter. She then told my son and my mum. I have told several friends. Ever single one of them has an opinion and it's leave him and you'll find someone else. It's not as easy as that is it? Hard because they all agree that he's guilty even if the forensics reveal nothing. I have no choice but to leave him because I would lose my son and daughter and granddaughter and it would be unbearable..... but being without him is also unbearable!!!
my partner hasn't told anyone. He is keeping it from his family and friends. We should have been getting married and he told them all that it has just been postponed!! Unfortunately for him it means that he has no one to confide in and talk to.
my partner hasn't told anyone. He is keeping it from his family and friends. We should have been getting married and he told them all that it has just been postponed!! Unfortunately for him it means that he has no one to confide in and talk to.
Losteverything, that's awful, I know your family are saying these things because they care about you, but they can't assume they know what's best for you and it isn't fair to make you have to choose between them and your partner. It's just so wrong that people have been brainwashed into thinking that these offenders are evil and unacceptable, when in fact most are just ordinary people like the rest of us, but who happen to have made some particularly poor choices in their lives.
No suggestions but do what your gut tells you is best for you, and if they're not happy with that, well, hopefully they'll come round given time.
No suggestions but do what your gut tells you is best for you, and if they're not happy with that, well, hopefully they'll come round given time.
losteverything
How are things going?
How are things going?
Hi Shattered, thanks for asking how I'm doing. I hate living alone and I just feel that I'm just existing and trying to get through everyday. When I'm not at work , I spend time with my lovely friends but when I'm alone I just stay in bed cos I can't be bothered. I've done a lot of soul searching and I know I can't accept what he's done... it's not right and it is eating away at me. I have spent my whole career safeguarding children and this crime is against everything I stand for. I think I'm missing what I should have had now and in the future and not particularly him anymore. I'm trying to sell our house and I think a big turning point for me will be to get my own house . Maybe then I'll have the motivation and healing to start again . I hope you are ok? Xx
Hi, I'm okay, just going along with life. I'm the same I'm either at work or doing nothing most days at home. I try and get motivated to do the simplest things but I'm just always so tired. Only one person at work knows everything where as everyone else knows nothing and still asks about my relationship. I just can't be bothered with any of the questions, even without them knowing what he has done. Our tenancy will end in May so I'm just counting down till then hoping I'll feel better and more motivated but I'm not sure.
Post deleted by user
Hi.
I'm sorry you find yourself in this position. There is no good way to find out. it's a shock however it comes. I had the knock a 5.30 in the morning when my husband had left for work. They told me why they were there and I don't think I spoke for half an hour. I just couldn't form words.
I'm not angry either and 14 months into the process and still waiting. I am still numb sometimes too. I think it's shock that causes that. I'm mot sure they shock will ever go away. I also feel like I should be angry, every now and then I think it's building up and that it will be easier to feal with than how I feel now. But it fizzles out and I'm left with this complete sadness.
Please don't feel bad about yourself. You are entitled to feel the feelings that you are having, even though you don't deserve to feel this way.
I hope you have some luck coming to terms with the situation. Maybe counselling sessions would help with this?
Take care of yourself x
I'm sorry you find yourself in this position. There is no good way to find out. it's a shock however it comes. I had the knock a 5.30 in the morning when my husband had left for work. They told me why they were there and I don't think I spoke for half an hour. I just couldn't form words.
I'm not angry either and 14 months into the process and still waiting. I am still numb sometimes too. I think it's shock that causes that. I'm mot sure they shock will ever go away. I also feel like I should be angry, every now and then I think it's building up and that it will be easier to feal with than how I feel now. But it fizzles out and I'm left with this complete sadness.
Please don't feel bad about yourself. You are entitled to feel the feelings that you are having, even though you don't deserve to feel this way.
I hope you have some luck coming to terms with the situation. Maybe counselling sessions would help with this?
Take care of yourself x