TMI question for partners who stuck by their OH?
Notifications OFF
This is a TMI question so understand if it gets no replies and may delete later, but for those who have stuck by their partner during a custodial sentence and got out the other end and he has changed for the better - have there been changes in your relationship sexually upon release?
I have some rational concerns like a prison sentence will make my OH become hardened and unaffectionate, and irrational ones such as fearing they will brainwash him with therapy into not being interested in sex at all, or at least only interested in "vanilla" missionary sex and will convince him that the consensual kinky sex me and him would do before his arrest is wrong
He is adamant this won't happen as his feelings for me haven't changed, and wants us to go back to how we were, and his offence is completely unrelated to what we would do together. But I'm worried therapists will make him think differently as not everyone is non judgemental and kink friendly
Basically I don't want a situation where a therapist is telling him his partner is "wrong" and judging me because I enjoy doing kinky stuff once in a while!
I have some rational concerns like a prison sentence will make my OH become hardened and unaffectionate, and irrational ones such as fearing they will brainwash him with therapy into not being interested in sex at all, or at least only interested in "vanilla" missionary sex and will convince him that the consensual kinky sex me and him would do before his arrest is wrong
He is adamant this won't happen as his feelings for me haven't changed, and wants us to go back to how we were, and his offence is completely unrelated to what we would do together. But I'm worried therapists will make him think differently as not everyone is non judgemental and kink friendly
Basically I don't want a situation where a therapist is telling him his partner is "wrong" and judging me because I enjoy doing kinky stuff once in a while!
My OHs therapist simply told him to try and identify triggers and try to avoid them to prevent him spiraling. Please try not to worry too much the therapists look into everything to build a picture so the can try to understand how things get to where they did and they give coping mechanisms to help avoid this happening again x
Lucy you're not alone. I'm not at your stage of the process but do wonder if therapy and some self-realisation will lead to my OH rethinking our relationship and wondering if we were right for one another in the first place. The insecurities never end!
Stay strong and don't be willing to give up on the things you want in life. We have lost enough already. X
Stay strong and don't be willing to give up on the things you want in life. We have lost enough already. X
Thank you for posting this. It's something I've wanted to ask for a while. x
Firstly, unfortunately I think your person would be lucky to receive any kind of specialised, specific, one on one support whilst inside. The work completed is generally programs and are related to the offence and education around the impact of victims.
My person had similar concerns when he started with his therapist on the outside. He was also worried that she'd say our relationship wasn't good for him. I had some concerns about this too, but I've also had therapy around unhealthy relationship with porn and sex myself, so felt more confident that it wouldn't fundamental change him just as having therapy didn't fundamentally changed me. I can tell you that the therapy did give me a great understanding as to why I'm drawn to behave certain ways sexually. I'm now better able to recognise when my feelings start moving away from happy, healthy, present feelings, identifying when there are triggers that may cause me to act out. But ultimately I haven't changed and was still able to enjoy a non vanilla sex life. Perhaps it like I can come at it from a different lens - I'm less detached.
We actually had discussions about our sexual relationship at weekend, we discussed certain things to did in our sex life, how we felt about them, did we feel differently about any aspects now etc. We were in agreement on everything we discussed, but on the whole we felt that we'd still be able to enjoy a happy, healthy and intimate sex life, but both agreed there would be some adjusting for both of us and it probably wouldn't be the same, but neither of us saw that as a bad thing.
I worried that whilst my person was in prision, that he might become detached from who he was, hate himself to the point of trying to change everything about him (including sex) - But he's really tried hard to only work on the parts of him that need it and respect, appreciate and polish the good parts. He hates himself for where he went, the risk he could have put a child in, but he's balanced - He knows he's not all bad, he understands more about himself now. I should add, he's been in 6 months now and he's not always felt that way.
I'm confident that if we make it through the sentence, we will be able to build back up, but I'm not sure I'll ever feel as liberated as before but ultimately I think that's because the trust has been broken. We did discuss that we'd likely need some joint therapy sessions to be able to move forward on a heathly way sexually.
My person had similar concerns when he started with his therapist on the outside. He was also worried that she'd say our relationship wasn't good for him. I had some concerns about this too, but I've also had therapy around unhealthy relationship with porn and sex myself, so felt more confident that it wouldn't fundamental change him just as having therapy didn't fundamentally changed me. I can tell you that the therapy did give me a great understanding as to why I'm drawn to behave certain ways sexually. I'm now better able to recognise when my feelings start moving away from happy, healthy, present feelings, identifying when there are triggers that may cause me to act out. But ultimately I haven't changed and was still able to enjoy a non vanilla sex life. Perhaps it like I can come at it from a different lens - I'm less detached.
We actually had discussions about our sexual relationship at weekend, we discussed certain things to did in our sex life, how we felt about them, did we feel differently about any aspects now etc. We were in agreement on everything we discussed, but on the whole we felt that we'd still be able to enjoy a happy, healthy and intimate sex life, but both agreed there would be some adjusting for both of us and it probably wouldn't be the same, but neither of us saw that as a bad thing.
I worried that whilst my person was in prision, that he might become detached from who he was, hate himself to the point of trying to change everything about him (including sex) - But he's really tried hard to only work on the parts of him that need it and respect, appreciate and polish the good parts. He hates himself for where he went, the risk he could have put a child in, but he's balanced - He knows he's not all bad, he understands more about himself now. I should add, he's been in 6 months now and he's not always felt that way.
I'm confident that if we make it through the sentence, we will be able to build back up, but I'm not sure I'll ever feel as liberated as before but ultimately I think that's because the trust has been broken. We did discuss that we'd likely need some joint therapy sessions to be able to move forward on a heathly way sexually.
Please can you tell me what T M I stands for in this forum? ????. As I think I do have a question. Thank you
It can be confusing on what the legal system and management of offenders think about the sex lives of offenders.
When my partner has the police turn up for their inspections under SOR and SHPO compliance they do ask questions about sex life, porn use etc. It isn't clear to me what exactly they are looking for, other than making sure my partner isn't going to reoffend. He isn't banned from watching porn ofc and it feels to me that the police would be concerned he isn't getting his 'needs met'...that might just be my paranoia.
My partner and I are not conventional, we are part of the swinging lifestyle, which isn't illegal ofc. I would not say we are kinky as such, but we are not exclusively vanilla. I am not currently aware if our lifestyle as such makes him deemed a high concern compared to those who are monogamous. But my partner did have a private risk assessment that flagged the fact we dont exclusively for to sex clubs as potential for my partner to come into contact with children - this annoyed me. We don't meet others kids at all. The swinging is ofc very much an adult thing, people are not going to have others over when their kids are about!
We have had comments like 'what if children turn up at the house'- we only see people who either don't have kids or the children are adults and not living at home. There is nothing to stop us in the legal sense to be in this lifestyle but it is a marker of sorts. Tbh I would not want to be in a relationship without the freedom to see other people.
Seems contradictory - police appear to have concern that if my partner doesn't get his needs met he could be a risk to reoffend, but God forbid we are unconventional.
As long as offenders know their triggers and manage this to prevent reoffending then it should be no one's else's business.
When my partner has the police turn up for their inspections under SOR and SHPO compliance they do ask questions about sex life, porn use etc. It isn't clear to me what exactly they are looking for, other than making sure my partner isn't going to reoffend. He isn't banned from watching porn ofc and it feels to me that the police would be concerned he isn't getting his 'needs met'...that might just be my paranoia.
My partner and I are not conventional, we are part of the swinging lifestyle, which isn't illegal ofc. I would not say we are kinky as such, but we are not exclusively vanilla. I am not currently aware if our lifestyle as such makes him deemed a high concern compared to those who are monogamous. But my partner did have a private risk assessment that flagged the fact we dont exclusively for to sex clubs as potential for my partner to come into contact with children - this annoyed me. We don't meet others kids at all. The swinging is ofc very much an adult thing, people are not going to have others over when their kids are about!
We have had comments like 'what if children turn up at the house'- we only see people who either don't have kids or the children are adults and not living at home. There is nothing to stop us in the legal sense to be in this lifestyle but it is a marker of sorts. Tbh I would not want to be in a relationship without the freedom to see other people.
Seems contradictory - police appear to have concern that if my partner doesn't get his needs met he could be a risk to reoffend, but God forbid we are unconventional.
As long as offenders know their triggers and manage this to prevent reoffending then it should be no one's else's business.
Sorry for the late response, I received my partners detailed charge sheet yesterday afternoon from solicitors and was a bit overwhelmed for the rest of the day.
Thank you to everyone who’s replied! It is a relief to hear that all hope is not lost, it is a long way off anyway but I’m glad to hear it’s not an impossible goal to still do the things we would together and to know I’m not completely alone with my concerns.
StrugglingMum – that makes sense, with any therapy they should look at the whole picture and understand the root causes to give coping mechanisms to that, instead of banning particular behaviours. Just like banning a drug addict from drugs doesn’t solve the reasons why they turned to it in the first place
RIG22 – Thank you, and you stay strong too! These sorts of crimes can ruin your self esteem and it is hard not to think that it’s because you aren’t right for your partner. I know I’ve been thinking that way, I just keep reminding myself it’s not my fault
Lee – That’s good to hear! I am glad there is hope, that is how I want things to go like with me and my OH, being completely open and as a team before moving forward
SAL – You reply has given me a sense of relief, it makes sense that therapy shouldn’t fundamentally change who a person is & what they like doing if it’s legal and not harmful. But that is interesting to know and a healthy way for your husband to be dealing with this. In my relationship the trust had been broken long before his crimes came to light, so I am hoping we can rebuild our relationship properly now he has truly no secrets left and with the help of a therapist
Majestic – That is interesting, I am dreading those visits. Like you I’m worried the police etc may think the things me and him do privately are somehow a risk because they’re not ‘normal’. During his questioning they were shouting at him and told him all BDSM is illegal and everything was making him scared he could get me into trouble if they checked his phone as he has pics of me etc doing kinky stuff to him, and that he could get in more trouble for the things we have done together, but as long as it’s legal and not harmful and literally in our own house they have no right to stop us. It's not bloody illegal to consensually spank your partner among other things! But now he is freaking out in prison that everything we have ever done privately for years has been illegal when I know it's not, but it is so hard for him to see that after a police officer traumatised him into thinking it is. But that is ridiculous they have deemed your partner as a risk because of that, there would never be kids at a swingers events! It should only be about reducing the person’s specific triggers and risks of reoffending, nothing else is their business. If it’s not too personal to ask, how do you go about letting the police know if you or your partner have any new sexual partners? I am struggling to figure out if me and him could ever involve a third person without telling the police, apart from waiting until he has zero restrictions and is off the SOR
Thank you to everyone who’s replied! It is a relief to hear that all hope is not lost, it is a long way off anyway but I’m glad to hear it’s not an impossible goal to still do the things we would together and to know I’m not completely alone with my concerns.
StrugglingMum – that makes sense, with any therapy they should look at the whole picture and understand the root causes to give coping mechanisms to that, instead of banning particular behaviours. Just like banning a drug addict from drugs doesn’t solve the reasons why they turned to it in the first place
RIG22 – Thank you, and you stay strong too! These sorts of crimes can ruin your self esteem and it is hard not to think that it’s because you aren’t right for your partner. I know I’ve been thinking that way, I just keep reminding myself it’s not my fault
Lee – That’s good to hear! I am glad there is hope, that is how I want things to go like with me and my OH, being completely open and as a team before moving forward
SAL – You reply has given me a sense of relief, it makes sense that therapy shouldn’t fundamentally change who a person is & what they like doing if it’s legal and not harmful. But that is interesting to know and a healthy way for your husband to be dealing with this. In my relationship the trust had been broken long before his crimes came to light, so I am hoping we can rebuild our relationship properly now he has truly no secrets left and with the help of a therapist
Majestic – That is interesting, I am dreading those visits. Like you I’m worried the police etc may think the things me and him do privately are somehow a risk because they’re not ‘normal’. During his questioning they were shouting at him and told him all BDSM is illegal and everything was making him scared he could get me into trouble if they checked his phone as he has pics of me etc doing kinky stuff to him, and that he could get in more trouble for the things we have done together, but as long as it’s legal and not harmful and literally in our own house they have no right to stop us. It's not bloody illegal to consensually spank your partner among other things! But now he is freaking out in prison that everything we have ever done privately for years has been illegal when I know it's not, but it is so hard for him to see that after a police officer traumatised him into thinking it is. But that is ridiculous they have deemed your partner as a risk because of that, there would never be kids at a swingers events! It should only be about reducing the person’s specific triggers and risks of reoffending, nothing else is their business. If it’s not too personal to ask, how do you go about letting the police know if you or your partner have any new sexual partners? I am struggling to figure out if me and him could ever involve a third person without telling the police, apart from waiting until he has zero restrictions and is off the SOR
Majestic and Lucy, thank you for being so honest about your relationship and sex life.
I'd invested a lot of time in myself and coming to terms with the healthy and unhealthy parts of my sexual behaviours. Many of the unhealthy behaviours were in part escalated by embarrassment and shame. After my partner was charged this brought many of these feelings to ahead again.
In my person's sentencing the prosecution did bring up other chats he'd had, that weren't illegal but were unsavoury - They were with consenting women but painted a really nasty picture of him. There is no room for fantasy/role play in these things when it comes to the prosecution, police and public - Even though a very high number of men and women have fantasies about the things he spoke about.
They will have seen a huge number of videos on his phone and laptop of us, doing things that wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea, but all still legal.
I listened to Sarah Pascoe podcast Sex Power Money and it talks about many things related to sex, much from a female perspective of empowerment but also exploitation. In there she discussed cases related to BDSM with fully concenting adults and what is legal and what is not. You can't consent to being the recipient of anything that could be considered to be grievously bodily harm - Whilst it would be a extreme case that anyone would realistically be prosecuted for this, activities you see on legal porn website are on the borderline. I'm not saying this to scare you, because realistically it's doesn't happen. But I think this situation throws up other questions, particularly about perceptions for non offending partners that might enjoy non "vanilla" sex. Having been thrown into this world and listening and reading so much related to all things related to sex and porn, I found myself questioning lots and of course wondering what we will and won't be able to do in the future and what might cause the police to be more concerned - I can cope with them seeing things, but I'd struggle if they made him or us feel we were doing anything wrong or considering him to be a higher risk because of it. We have a loving, caring and intimate relationship and we both felt more comfortable than ever because we didn't need to hid or be ashamed of what we liked and ironically, when it was available we actually felt less of a drive for it - I wasn't hiding anything, or keeping anything secrets and nor was he (apart from this one massive thing).
I'd invested a lot of time in myself and coming to terms with the healthy and unhealthy parts of my sexual behaviours. Many of the unhealthy behaviours were in part escalated by embarrassment and shame. After my partner was charged this brought many of these feelings to ahead again.
In my person's sentencing the prosecution did bring up other chats he'd had, that weren't illegal but were unsavoury - They were with consenting women but painted a really nasty picture of him. There is no room for fantasy/role play in these things when it comes to the prosecution, police and public - Even though a very high number of men and women have fantasies about the things he spoke about.
They will have seen a huge number of videos on his phone and laptop of us, doing things that wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea, but all still legal.
I listened to Sarah Pascoe podcast Sex Power Money and it talks about many things related to sex, much from a female perspective of empowerment but also exploitation. In there she discussed cases related to BDSM with fully concenting adults and what is legal and what is not. You can't consent to being the recipient of anything that could be considered to be grievously bodily harm - Whilst it would be a extreme case that anyone would realistically be prosecuted for this, activities you see on legal porn website are on the borderline. I'm not saying this to scare you, because realistically it's doesn't happen. But I think this situation throws up other questions, particularly about perceptions for non offending partners that might enjoy non "vanilla" sex. Having been thrown into this world and listening and reading so much related to all things related to sex and porn, I found myself questioning lots and of course wondering what we will and won't be able to do in the future and what might cause the police to be more concerned - I can cope with them seeing things, but I'd struggle if they made him or us feel we were doing anything wrong or considering him to be a higher risk because of it. We have a loving, caring and intimate relationship and we both felt more comfortable than ever because we didn't need to hid or be ashamed of what we liked and ironically, when it was available we actually felt less of a drive for it - I wasn't hiding anything, or keeping anything secrets and nor was he (apart from this one massive thing).
Thank you All for your replies I take it that the TMI basically means sexual topic's. My O/H and myself are not really on the same playing field as far as our sexual likes & dislikes, they are vanilla if anything.
I,m am totally thinking of calling it a day & looking for another person to enjoy the rest of my life with a combatable sexual partner.
I,m am totally thinking of calling it a day & looking for another person to enjoy the rest of my life with a combatable sexual partner.
In response to the question about new partners- we don't need to tell the police unless we are looking to meet others kids (would need to be agreed with the parents and SS). When the police go through the phones and chat rooms they ask who is who and I think they might note usernames so that they don't need to ask again. They ask questions like 'do they have kids at home' etc. No one we see has kids living with them, we avoid parents.
My partner have a policy of we won't tell anyone unless we have to. And the police this far have said we don't need to disclose to the people we see.
Sal- that is interesting what you say about aspects you can't consent to. I have seen that mentioned before. But like you say hard to prosecute and BDSM is more common than some might think. If done properly there is a good and healthy dynamic for consenting adults. I guess the law is in ace to protect those who are manipulated and vulnerable. Also if something goes wrong I do believe the person who did harm (intentional or not) needs to take responsibility.
I think next time I see the police during a check I will ask why the swinging is such a concern to get a better understanding. The way it has been worded to me this far is the fact it increases the risk my partner meeting parents and their kids- that could imply for any bond with other (eg social groups). It is like he can't make no new friends...and that causes isolation.
My partner have a policy of we won't tell anyone unless we have to. And the police this far have said we don't need to disclose to the people we see.
Sal- that is interesting what you say about aspects you can't consent to. I have seen that mentioned before. But like you say hard to prosecute and BDSM is more common than some might think. If done properly there is a good and healthy dynamic for consenting adults. I guess the law is in ace to protect those who are manipulated and vulnerable. Also if something goes wrong I do believe the person who did harm (intentional or not) needs to take responsibility.
I think next time I see the police during a check I will ask why the swinging is such a concern to get a better understanding. The way it has been worded to me this far is the fact it increases the risk my partner meeting parents and their kids- that could imply for any bond with other (eg social groups). It is like he can't make no new friends...and that causes isolation.
SAL thank you for being open too as it really helps hearing others experiences.
Did your partner go to trial? I am hoping as mine pleaded guilty they won't look into too much of any other legal conversations he had, they already have everything they need to sentence him. I was hoping to do a character reference too to show how on the whole he is good and kind, always putting others first etc, but if they read our conversations about fantasies and roleplay etc it won't come across that way...
I'll have to listen to that podcast one day. I am concerned as some of the activities me and my OH did resulted in marks or bruises which he has pics of on his phone, it is nothing serious but I don't know what the police will say if it comes up. He has already pleaded guilty and we are just waiting for sentencing.
I feel similar to you, I have a very loving relationship with my OH and we trusted each other with things without fear of judgement. But the police searched through a bag of toys we had at the time and I felt pretty violated and am worried if we have them when he is home they will flag it as being a "risk". But they can't specifically dictate how we have sex, surely? I am not sure how much detail visor will go into when asking about your sex life
Majestic that's interesting. Do the police go through your phone too? How much do they actually invade the partner's privacy?
It does seem although they want to reintegrate an offender back into society the restrictions prevent you ever making friends if they have kids as you'll always have to disclose and most likely ruin that potential friendship
Did your partner go to trial? I am hoping as mine pleaded guilty they won't look into too much of any other legal conversations he had, they already have everything they need to sentence him. I was hoping to do a character reference too to show how on the whole he is good and kind, always putting others first etc, but if they read our conversations about fantasies and roleplay etc it won't come across that way...
I'll have to listen to that podcast one day. I am concerned as some of the activities me and my OH did resulted in marks or bruises which he has pics of on his phone, it is nothing serious but I don't know what the police will say if it comes up. He has already pleaded guilty and we are just waiting for sentencing.
I feel similar to you, I have a very loving relationship with my OH and we trusted each other with things without fear of judgement. But the police searched through a bag of toys we had at the time and I felt pretty violated and am worried if we have them when he is home they will flag it as being a "risk". But they can't specifically dictate how we have sex, surely? I am not sure how much detail visor will go into when asking about your sex life
Majestic that's interesting. Do the police go through your phone too? How much do they actually invade the partner's privacy?
It does seem although they want to reintegrate an offender back into society the restrictions prevent you ever making friends if they have kids as you'll always have to disclose and most likely ruin that potential friendship
Anyone whose behaviour is not vanilla, is going to be judged by others, because people are suspicious of things that are 'different'.
I think there is a presumption, that those who are prepared to break the unwritten rules of sexual behaviour, might be more likely to break other rules, or to break the law. If somebody has already broken the law and is being monitored by the police, then anything that they do, will be viewed with more suspicion anyway.
But I would only be concerned, if the person's behavior was compulsive. In other words, if they were doing something that they didn't really want to do, but because they felt as though they were unable to stop doing it.
It's usually when somebody gets to that point, that they end up crossing over the line into illegal activity.
I think there is a presumption, that those who are prepared to break the unwritten rules of sexual behaviour, might be more likely to break other rules, or to break the law. If somebody has already broken the law and is being monitored by the police, then anything that they do, will be viewed with more suspicion anyway.
But I would only be concerned, if the person's behavior was compulsive. In other words, if they were doing something that they didn't really want to do, but because they felt as though they were unable to stop doing it.
It's usually when somebody gets to that point, that they end up crossing over the line into illegal activity.
Lucy22- police should not be going through partner's phones and devices. They can you justify it if an offender has access to the devices. Tho the police can see our convos on his end.
Sorry to hear they went through the toys, I too would be mortified.
I don't sent pics or vids to my partner anymore because the police would see. My advice to others with partners who have spot checks to do the same if it makes you uncomfortable that police will see such imagery.
All convos with other partners are accessed between both my partner and I, which the police are ok with as it shows I am aware and my partner is not going behind my back. I can also monitor the chat. (my partner was addicted to chat rooms and so I do most of the convo or at least screen them first).
Sorry to hear they went through the toys, I too would be mortified.
I don't sent pics or vids to my partner anymore because the police would see. My advice to others with partners who have spot checks to do the same if it makes you uncomfortable that police will see such imagery.
All convos with other partners are accessed between both my partner and I, which the police are ok with as it shows I am aware and my partner is not going behind my back. I can also monitor the chat. (my partner was addicted to chat rooms and so I do most of the convo or at least screen them first).
Hi Edel you are right, people will always judge things that are different. That’s an interesting take on things, my OH was doing things online he said he didn’t even enjoy but so far hasn’t said he felt compelled/addicted to it, but I do think he was addicted, he has an addictive personality and previously had a shopping addiction and would buy things to make himself ‘feel better’, as well as energy drink or food addictions. I think for him what he’s done stems from not solving the root cause of his mental health issues.
Majestic that’s good to know, I don’t think I’ll ever send pics again to my OH either. My partner was probably addicted to chat rooms too but has said he never wants those accounts again or even a proper smartphone again as the phone enabled many of his problems, so it’s a hopeful sign if he follows through
Majestic that’s good to know, I don’t think I’ll ever send pics again to my OH either. My partner was probably addicted to chat rooms too but has said he never wants those accounts again or even a proper smartphone again as the phone enabled many of his problems, so it’s a hopeful sign if he follows through
It's an extremely confusing subject. I've had my own problem with both porn and sex. The role I like to play is submissive and even pushing that to an extreme (which I've done and was my tipping point for seeking help) could really only ever hurt me. I wonder if my preference was the other way - Could I too have found myself the situation people have found themselves in here. I think this is why I'm able to understand how my person got to where he did.
Even as someone that experienced first hand both the healthy and unhealthy aspects of things related to sex, I know I and many other can take part in kink and exploration without hurting anyone or doing anything illegal. But I do often wonder if there is slightly more risk or likelihood of offending, just because societal conventions are already broken - I go round in circles in this thought. My person had his conversation on a platform I introduced him too, sometimes I want to create a new profile and tell people there is help out there if they are concerned about any of their thoughts and behaviours and to also highlight activity that might be illegal. I haven't and don't think I ever will, because I've many friends whom have this as a healthy part to their life and it almost seems insulting to think anyone that like something different could have a problem or progress to something illegal. I'd also be concerned that by pointing out things that people may not no are illegal but actually are, I could somehow find myself in trouble with the law, or be perceived to be helping people evade legal repricussions.
I listen to a program on Radio 4 - Behind the crime. A man that exposed himself said he wanted help and was relieved when he was caught because he thought he'd get help. In reality he didn't and he only found StopSo having gone through the prison system. I don't know where charities could focus their activities to promote themselves or even bringing it to attention of people that this is a thing and there is help. I only really recognised it as a thing when a friend I'd met through these site said they didn't think I was behaving healthily and I joked that maybe I was a sex addict. After a Google, completing Paula Halls questions - I realised I was and I felt relief I wasn't on my own . Digressed a bit there
Lucy - My person was going to trial but didn't in the end. I wasn't in court to know in what context the other conversation and his sexual "preferences" were brought up in sentencing. I don't really understand how they could have been and why it wasn't dismissed - Because it was all legal.
I would definitely work on a character reference if you can. And anyone else that might be able to. My didn't do this and I think the judge only saw one side of him because of this.
Even as someone that experienced first hand both the healthy and unhealthy aspects of things related to sex, I know I and many other can take part in kink and exploration without hurting anyone or doing anything illegal. But I do often wonder if there is slightly more risk or likelihood of offending, just because societal conventions are already broken - I go round in circles in this thought. My person had his conversation on a platform I introduced him too, sometimes I want to create a new profile and tell people there is help out there if they are concerned about any of their thoughts and behaviours and to also highlight activity that might be illegal. I haven't and don't think I ever will, because I've many friends whom have this as a healthy part to their life and it almost seems insulting to think anyone that like something different could have a problem or progress to something illegal. I'd also be concerned that by pointing out things that people may not no are illegal but actually are, I could somehow find myself in trouble with the law, or be perceived to be helping people evade legal repricussions.
I listen to a program on Radio 4 - Behind the crime. A man that exposed himself said he wanted help and was relieved when he was caught because he thought he'd get help. In reality he didn't and he only found StopSo having gone through the prison system. I don't know where charities could focus their activities to promote themselves or even bringing it to attention of people that this is a thing and there is help. I only really recognised it as a thing when a friend I'd met through these site said they didn't think I was behaving healthily and I joked that maybe I was a sex addict. After a Google, completing Paula Halls questions - I realised I was and I felt relief I wasn't on my own . Digressed a bit there
Lucy - My person was going to trial but didn't in the end. I wasn't in court to know in what context the other conversation and his sexual "preferences" were brought up in sentencing. I don't really understand how they could have been and why it wasn't dismissed - Because it was all legal.
I would definitely work on a character reference if you can. And anyone else that might be able to. My didn't do this and I think the judge only saw one side of him because of this.
I also listened to the Radio 4 program and there are many similar explanations, which link people's adult behaviour to their childhood experiences. People who go on to become addicts, very often had traumatic experiences as children.
The same is true for people who are into bdsm and kink, but there are also others, who didn't have these childhood experiences.
If you go to the Researchgate website, there are plenty of articles, such as the one below, which look at other possible explanations.
https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Frederike-Labrecque
The same is true for people who are into bdsm and kink, but there are also others, who didn't have these childhood experiences.
If you go to the Researchgate website, there are plenty of articles, such as the one below, which look at other possible explanations.
https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Frederike-Labrecque