Coping with waiting
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How to people cope with waiting to know what's happening?
We were woken at 5.45am back in July by 6 police coming to arrest our 15 year old son.
Shock and trauma is an understatement!!!
Turns out it is from 1 day back in April some image sharing through snapchat. He was released at 5pm pending further investigation.
Before the school year started he had most of his devices returned and the investigating office said they would arrange another interview, but we are still waiting.
I know they are busy but this waiting and uncertainty is destroying us all, my husband and I can't work as its constantly on our minds.
I see my sons behaviour changing now, he is no longer motivated at school, he's emotional. He's gone from a happy fun loving confident boy, to being emotional and isolated.
He needs to start applying for sixth forms and needs references etc, how is this going to affect his future?
I just wish we had some idea what to expect, at least we can plan and move forward then!!
We were woken at 5.45am back in July by 6 police coming to arrest our 15 year old son.
Shock and trauma is an understatement!!!
Turns out it is from 1 day back in April some image sharing through snapchat. He was released at 5pm pending further investigation.
Before the school year started he had most of his devices returned and the investigating office said they would arrange another interview, but we are still waiting.
I know they are busy but this waiting and uncertainty is destroying us all, my husband and I can't work as its constantly on our minds.
I see my sons behaviour changing now, he is no longer motivated at school, he's emotional. He's gone from a happy fun loving confident boy, to being emotional and isolated.
He needs to start applying for sixth forms and needs references etc, how is this going to affect his future?
I just wish we had some idea what to expect, at least we can plan and move forward then!!
I am sorry you are going through this. There is no real answer I am afraid except take each day as it comes. Wake up each day and get through the day the best you can. Take a problem one at a time. The website unlock is very good for advice.
wishing you the best. X
wishing you the best. X
I am so sorry you find yourself here. The young member in our family was 16 years old when we received the knock. We had to wait over a year before the police/CPS made a decision to charge.
We did contact the police regularly during that time asking on an update as to when we would hear back. I still feel it is is unfair that youths have to wait just as long as adults for their cases to be processed. This long wait had a very detrimental affect on his mental wellbeing but from our experience the police did not care about this at at all - all they cared about from our viewpoint was securing a conviction.
Have you been in contact with the helpline? You or your son could find out more about their Young Person Inform Course and if it would be beneficial for your son to do.
If you are worried about your son's wellbeing you could contact Young Minds charity for help and advice.
We, honestly found the police and the waiting for a decision the most distressing part of this process. If it has to go to CPS for a charging decision this is normally pretty quick for a youth compared to adults and we also found the local Youth Justice Services were on the whole ok to work with for the young person and us as a family.
I hope this information is of some help to you.
Thinking of you and your son.
We did contact the police regularly during that time asking on an update as to when we would hear back. I still feel it is is unfair that youths have to wait just as long as adults for their cases to be processed. This long wait had a very detrimental affect on his mental wellbeing but from our experience the police did not care about this at at all - all they cared about from our viewpoint was securing a conviction.
Have you been in contact with the helpline? You or your son could find out more about their Young Person Inform Course and if it would be beneficial for your son to do.
If you are worried about your son's wellbeing you could contact Young Minds charity for help and advice.
We, honestly found the police and the waiting for a decision the most distressing part of this process. If it has to go to CPS for a charging decision this is normally pretty quick for a youth compared to adults and we also found the local Youth Justice Services were on the whole ok to work with for the young person and us as a family.
I hope this information is of some help to you.
Thinking of you and your son.
Hello,
A fellow Mum here.xx
I'm sorry you've joined the club here. None of us want to be here.. but this is our lot and we help each other through it.
We are 8 months in and quite honestly you get used to the hell of waiting. The police can't hurry up because everything is delayed and backlogged.. we are the collateral damage.
My son is not coping mentally - we have referred him to therapy and a programme and I watch him like a hawk for signs that he's sinking too low. The GP has been as helpful as they can be in this climate so it's worth contacting them and look into the services Alison has suggested. Lucy F do a young person's course.
You must take care of yourself when you feel able. I abandoned myself for months but I'm in therapy now and I'm eating properly. Supporting your son is very important but so is your health.
X
A fellow Mum here.xx
I'm sorry you've joined the club here. None of us want to be here.. but this is our lot and we help each other through it.
We are 8 months in and quite honestly you get used to the hell of waiting. The police can't hurry up because everything is delayed and backlogged.. we are the collateral damage.
My son is not coping mentally - we have referred him to therapy and a programme and I watch him like a hawk for signs that he's sinking too low. The GP has been as helpful as they can be in this climate so it's worth contacting them and look into the services Alison has suggested. Lucy F do a young person's course.
You must take care of yourself when you feel able. I abandoned myself for months but I'm in therapy now and I'm eating properly. Supporting your son is very important but so is your health.
X
Ps - I would also suggest to forge ahead with applying for his sixth form - he needs as much positive stuff as possible going on in his future.
He dosnt have any convictions right now (and he may never!) so plough away and keep his education going. He is legally bound to be in education anyway and this will be taken into consideration - the police will certainly expect him to continue.
My son finished one set of education and moved onto the next in the past few months and if the situation affects this eventually then we deal with it then - for now he's where he should be.
He dosnt have any convictions right now (and he may never!) so plough away and keep his education going. He is legally bound to be in education anyway and this will be taken into consideration - the police will certainly expect him to continue.
My son finished one set of education and moved onto the next in the past few months and if the situation affects this eventually then we deal with it then - for now he's where he should be.
Thanks for the replies.
We are trying to be as positive as we can for him, but also trying to be realistic and preparing him. I was having a particularly bad week last week, just kept crying! ( not in front of him though, he's struggling enough without seeing me like that!)
He is looking at colleges and sixth forms, and trying to work out what to do next.
It just feels so cruel keeping him waiting like this, until the police investigation is over he is restricted from activities through school, trips, breaktimes etc.
I was really hoping that now social services have closed their case, school may ease up a little.
He has started the inform yp, so hopefully that will be some support for him.
We are trying to be as positive as we can for him, but also trying to be realistic and preparing him. I was having a particularly bad week last week, just kept crying! ( not in front of him though, he's struggling enough without seeing me like that!)
He is looking at colleges and sixth forms, and trying to work out what to do next.
It just feels so cruel keeping him waiting like this, until the police investigation is over he is restricted from activities through school, trips, breaktimes etc.
I was really hoping that now social services have closed their case, school may ease up a little.
He has started the inform yp, so hopefully that will be some support for him.
Forgot to say I have had some counselling, but have my 6th and last session this week. Don't feel it's really got me anywhere with dealing with the shock and trauma, keep having flashbacks, and the slightest noise outside at night wakes me and sends my heart racing!
The wait and bail restrictions are particularly heart breaking.
My son hasn't seen his family for almost a year due to bail conditions so I understand - it's really difficult and impacts everyone. I'm not in a position that we want to explain to family, so it is what is what it is at the moment.
On the flip side - the restrictions also keep them safe from further harm.
I would highly recommend seeking therapy through Stop So for your PTSD.. NHS sessions are brilliant, but 6 sessions is often not enough. I have PTSD also and have therapy weekly. I am still by some miracle unmedicated due to no GP appointments and my latest one being cancelled!
My son hasn't seen his family for almost a year due to bail conditions so I understand - it's really difficult and impacts everyone. I'm not in a position that we want to explain to family, so it is what is what it is at the moment.
On the flip side - the restrictions also keep them safe from further harm.
I would highly recommend seeking therapy through Stop So for your PTSD.. NHS sessions are brilliant, but 6 sessions is often not enough. I have PTSD also and have therapy weekly. I am still by some miracle unmedicated due to no GP appointments and my latest one being cancelled!
Sorry you're in the situation. I would contact the police/SS and reiterate that he's only 15 and it's affecting his mental health and you appreciate it if it could be speeded up as you need to apply for college etc, and it is affecting his life choices. It's worth a shot x