Hi, this is my first post I have been quietly reading posts on this forum trying to understand everything and what will happen in the future.
my husband of almost 10 years was arrested at work 11 weeks ago for iioc on a app called kik which until now I had never heard of, Also found out he is bisexual and cheated on me with men!! Worst weekend of my life... he's told me he was talking a guy on there found out this guy was into children so he was trying to entice him catch him out or something. He swears he has no sexual interest in children which I do believe!
he has admitted he has a porn addiction, and has been doing all the courses for this and joined SAA, he has also started counselling for past truma. He has been suspended from work as the police arrested him at work which is frustrating.
we've had ss come and after 5 weeks he could see our children with me supervising, a few weeks later and they've closed our case. He has been bailed twice and now to today they've told him he will be RUI but he has to stick to the bail conditions he just doesn't have to sign in every week, I thought RUI ment no conditions has anyone else had this? Can the police put conditions on when RUI?
my husband of almost 10 years was arrested at work 11 weeks ago for iioc on a app called kik which until now I had never heard of, Also found out he is bisexual and cheated on me with men!! Worst weekend of my life... he's told me he was talking a guy on there found out this guy was into children so he was trying to entice him catch him out or something. He swears he has no sexual interest in children which I do believe!
he has admitted he has a porn addiction, and has been doing all the courses for this and joined SAA, he has also started counselling for past truma. He has been suspended from work as the police arrested him at work which is frustrating.
we've had ss come and after 5 weeks he could see our children with me supervising, a few weeks later and they've closed our case. He has been bailed twice and now to today they've told him he will be RUI but he has to stick to the bail conditions he just doesn't have to sign in every week, I thought RUI ment no conditions has anyone else had this? Can the police put conditions on when RUI?
When my husband was rui the police said they couldn't make him following restrictions it was ss who put the restrictions in place via a safety plan x
Thank you for replying... after speaking to his solicitor, his solicitor wasn't very happy so contacted the OIC and cleared it all up that he no longer will have his bail conditions in place from next week... I'm now praying we can go on our holiday next month as a family, only concern is it's USA will they let him him.
also now ss have got back in contact after closing the case, she wanted to know what my intentions are with letting him back home- Iv said I don't want him home yet as I'm worried the affect on our children having him come and go again, Also I'm worried about ss judging me for it. She's also making me feel bad for wanting him to still come away with us as a family, saying if he does anything to our children it's my fault. I would never let that happen!!!
he has since been diagnosed with ADHD which Iv said for years he has, he is trying everything he can to sort him self out and prove he is a good person. He has never done anything wrong before and always been a hard working man.
this has all given me so much anxiety, I'm so worried about the media and the affect it'll have on my children. How long does RUI last? Is there a time limit?
also now ss have got back in contact after closing the case, she wanted to know what my intentions are with letting him back home- Iv said I don't want him home yet as I'm worried the affect on our children having him come and go again, Also I'm worried about ss judging me for it. She's also making me feel bad for wanting him to still come away with us as a family, saying if he does anything to our children it's my fault. I would never let that happen!!!
he has since been diagnosed with ADHD which Iv said for years he has, he is trying everything he can to sort him self out and prove he is a good person. He has never done anything wrong before and always been a hard working man.
this has all given me so much anxiety, I'm so worried about the media and the affect it'll have on my children. How long does RUI last? Is there a time limit?
My OH bail was dropped when the case was sent to CPS. The police said it was because SS had put restrictions in place. SS where not impressed.
I think you should be prepared that if SS now know that there are no bail conditions, they may reopen the case in order to put those restrictions in place.
Where the police look at what they can prove, in my experience SS look at potential risk and the arrest alone, irrelevant of evidence means there is a potential risk.
I also found out the my OH had cheated on me with a man. He doesn't see himself as bisexual, him and his therapist think it's a fetish for the male appendage which resulted for witnessing child sexual abuse when he was a child himself.
You are the first person on here I have seen who has written about being cheated on with a person of the same gender, I wanted to share my experience with you so that you don't feel alone x
I think you should be prepared that if SS now know that there are no bail conditions, they may reopen the case in order to put those restrictions in place.
Where the police look at what they can prove, in my experience SS look at potential risk and the arrest alone, irrelevant of evidence means there is a potential risk.
I also found out the my OH had cheated on me with a man. He doesn't see himself as bisexual, him and his therapist think it's a fetish for the male appendage which resulted for witnessing child sexual abuse when he was a child himself.
You are the first person on here I have seen who has written about being cheated on with a person of the same gender, I wanted to share my experience with you so that you don't feel alone x
Thank you for replying to me, finding out about his bisexual side really hurt and shocked me! I really didn't expect him to tell me that, he says he's like 10 percent bisexual and doesn't find men attractive the way he describes his meets with men are extremely cold. He has spoken with a counsellor, and they believe it's more a form of self harm due to his child hood and past trauma... then I feel really bad for him as he has hidden these feeling since he was a teenager feeling like he couldn't speak to anyone...
His bisexuality and porn addiction is what lead him to the app KIK, where he was chatting with another adult he found out this guy was into children and went along with the chat about children even his own which he made up a name and age (not out actual children) sent videos and photos I believe all categories... absolutely shocked and confused how he could do all this as it's totally out of his character, he is very sorry and disgusted in him self!
when I last saw my SW she told me the police would extend the bail and she was closing the case, so im guessing she wasn't expecting for him to be RUI so is now panicking. She's been telling me things he said in his first interview to try and scare me I guess, also told me it was an actual real adult he was talking to and not the police. We're going on holiday next month and she's told me I have to make the right choice for us if he can come, my children love and adore their dad and desperately want him there.
I wake up and still can't believe I'm living this nightmare, I'm too embarrassed to tell my own parents. My partners parents know and have been a great support.
His bisexuality and porn addiction is what lead him to the app KIK, where he was chatting with another adult he found out this guy was into children and went along with the chat about children even his own which he made up a name and age (not out actual children) sent videos and photos I believe all categories... absolutely shocked and confused how he could do all this as it's totally out of his character, he is very sorry and disgusted in him self!
when I last saw my SW she told me the police would extend the bail and she was closing the case, so im guessing she wasn't expecting for him to be RUI so is now panicking. She's been telling me things he said in his first interview to try and scare me I guess, also told me it was an actual real adult he was talking to and not the police. We're going on holiday next month and she's told me I have to make the right choice for us if he can come, my children love and adore their dad and desperately want him there.
I wake up and still can't believe I'm living this nightmare, I'm too embarrassed to tell my own parents. My partners parents know and have been a great support.
I could have written much of what you just did. My OH also went on Kik looking for interactions with men. He starting conversing with someone who experienced similar things to him as a child, this led to inappropriate conversations and images being shared with my OH.
Be very, very careful with SS. With my experience of SS I would not go on holiday with my children and OH until the case is closed. I would worry that they could percieve it as you not recognising the potential risk your OH poses to your children. You have to do what is right for you though. I have had an horrendous time with SS so am extremely cautious of them.
Be very, very careful with SS. With my experience of SS I would not go on holiday with my children and OH until the case is closed. I would worry that they could percieve it as you not recognising the potential risk your OH poses to your children. You have to do what is right for you though. I have had an horrendous time with SS so am extremely cautious of them.
Iv made it clear to the SW that I won't be letting him move back in until the very end of this as I don't feel it fair to mess with our children's minds having him back then go again! The kids really want him to come on holiday, it's our holiday that was supposed to happen during covid. Iv suggested we pay for an extra hotel room in another hotel, SW says I have to keep an eye on him at all times and if anything happens to our children it's my fault.... I feel like I'm in a awkward position as we want him to come but I'm worried it'll be used against me.
id never even heard of this KIK app before had no idea what it even was, supposedly it's full of porn and chat rooms. My OH has said he has deleted his account and the app. He has got himself a good solicitor and is doing all the relevant courses, he is really trying to prove himself.
our SW also has told my children that he has done inappropriate things online, she never told me she was going to tell them or told me after she had. I only found out when my youngest asked my OH on FaceTime. I was quite annoyed by this as I feel it's my place to decide when and how to tell them.
id never even heard of this KIK app before had no idea what it even was, supposedly it's full of porn and chat rooms. My OH has said he has deleted his account and the app. He has got himself a good solicitor and is doing all the relevant courses, he is really trying to prove himself.
our SW also has told my children that he has done inappropriate things online, she never told me she was going to tell them or told me after she had. I only found out when my youngest asked my OH on FaceTime. I was quite annoyed by this as I feel it's my place to decide when and how to tell them.
I have gone to war with Childrens Services. I won't let them speak to my children alone for fear of what they tell them. I have written a formal complaint that I'm waiting for a reply to, 3 pages long with 12 points that i want a reply to. Our last SW told me she didn't think we needed to be on a child protection plan, yet votes for one at the child protection conference. They will use anything against you. I was even asked I was so rational at a meeting when I was calm. I was told I should seek help for my emotional state when I cried at a meeting. All they are interested in is you criticising your parter and protecting your children.
I also hadn't heard of Kik, but it does seem to be a place where these offences are rife.
I also hadn't heard of Kik, but it does seem to be a place where these offences are rife.