Seeing him for the first time since arrest
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My partner was arrested about six weeks ago for sexual communication with a child.
I picked him up from the police station, we talked a lot that night and he told me what had been going on. I was absolutely heartbroken. We've been together 10 years and this all came completely out the blue. The next day I took him to his parents the next day, as I was struggling to take it all inbut didn't want to make any hasty decisions about what next.
We spoke briefly a couple of times since then but just to sort out him collecting a few things. I'm now at the point where I'm ready to see him and we've arranged to meet next week. I've already written to him to say how I've been feeling, why just 'I'm sorry' isn't good enough etc so he knows what I expect and where I'm coming from.
I do have loads of questions, but I know he might not have all the answers. I still don't know whether I stay or whether I go. I love this man but I'm still struggling to put together everything I know now. I think I want to support him but everything has changed.
I guess I'm sharing to ask for advice for when we meet. We're meeting somewhere neutral etc. but any thoughts or help around getting ready to see him or how we can get the most out of meeting would be so appreciated.
One of the other things I'm struggling with is that so much of the advice or information is around porn/porn addiction. But because he's been messaging young girls I just can't get my head around it. It just feels so different from accessing porn. If anyone's had a similar experience I'd appreciate hearing about that too.
Like I say I really don't know what I'm going to do next, still just taking it one step at a time really. I've not been crying much recently but now we've arranged to meet it's all flooding back!
So grateful this forum is here, people that know what's happening are (mostly) supportive of whatever I choose to do but they just don't understand.
I picked him up from the police station, we talked a lot that night and he told me what had been going on. I was absolutely heartbroken. We've been together 10 years and this all came completely out the blue. The next day I took him to his parents the next day, as I was struggling to take it all inbut didn't want to make any hasty decisions about what next.
We spoke briefly a couple of times since then but just to sort out him collecting a few things. I'm now at the point where I'm ready to see him and we've arranged to meet next week. I've already written to him to say how I've been feeling, why just 'I'm sorry' isn't good enough etc so he knows what I expect and where I'm coming from.
I do have loads of questions, but I know he might not have all the answers. I still don't know whether I stay or whether I go. I love this man but I'm still struggling to put together everything I know now. I think I want to support him but everything has changed.
I guess I'm sharing to ask for advice for when we meet. We're meeting somewhere neutral etc. but any thoughts or help around getting ready to see him or how we can get the most out of meeting would be so appreciated.
One of the other things I'm struggling with is that so much of the advice or information is around porn/porn addiction. But because he's been messaging young girls I just can't get my head around it. It just feels so different from accessing porn. If anyone's had a similar experience I'd appreciate hearing about that too.
Like I say I really don't know what I'm going to do next, still just taking it one step at a time really. I've not been crying much recently but now we've arranged to meet it's all flooding back!
So grateful this forum is here, people that know what's happening are (mostly) supportive of whatever I choose to do but they just don't understand.
Hi, my husband was also arrested for communication, and lots on this forum were the same. His was 2 months ago, so we're a bit further on.
I wouldn't make a decision yet. It's too early, and emotions are too raw. The first proper conversation I had with my husband, we talked about why he'd done it and some practical stuff as we have kids. I was still very angry at that point (it was about 2 weeks after his arrest), so found it difficult to have a proper conversation with him, and it was like that for a while. In the end, I emailed him about how I was feeling and that helped us both to be more open in our communication. He's not allowed to live at home while on bail so it's given us both space. I told him he couldn't come home until he'd got help with why he did what he did and that we'd had marriage counselling together.
It did take a while for him to take in what had happened and that he had committed an offence. I don't know if I can trust him again, we've been together nearly 20 years, I imagined growing old with him, I never imagined that for the last 2 years he has been chatting online sexually with other women (and at least 2 minors - decoys).
I wouldn't make a decision yet. It's too early, and emotions are too raw. The first proper conversation I had with my husband, we talked about why he'd done it and some practical stuff as we have kids. I was still very angry at that point (it was about 2 weeks after his arrest), so found it difficult to have a proper conversation with him, and it was like that for a while. In the end, I emailed him about how I was feeling and that helped us both to be more open in our communication. He's not allowed to live at home while on bail so it's given us both space. I told him he couldn't come home until he'd got help with why he did what he did and that we'd had marriage counselling together.
It did take a while for him to take in what had happened and that he had committed an offence. I don't know if I can trust him again, we've been together nearly 20 years, I imagined growing old with him, I never imagined that for the last 2 years he has been chatting online sexually with other women (and at least 2 minors - decoys).