Relapse, questions, losing my mind.
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My partner is 5 months away from coming of the SO Register (5 years) he has been open and honest from the start and recognises what started off as browsing porn turned to an addiction which led him to inappropriate images, chat rooms, websites etc. Up until a few months ago there were no concerns, he was on "the straight and narrow" shall we say and life was going by as usual, until I noticed some old tell tale signs and questioned him, to which he admitted going on porn more regular and resulting in him getting a visit and a warning as such. I understand addiction is something that won't go away and I've tried so hard to understand and be supportive. I just can't understand how he can keep away for so long and then all of a sudden he's clicking link after link and ending up down the rabbit hole again. Has anyone else experienced this with someone they love ? It was mentioned to him about limiting his acces to the internet and he did agree to some parental locks, but it feels like a breakdown in trust and I feel awful ! After probation he had to complete a community order which meant going to a group where they discussed parts of their offence and had homework as such to do, for him this was really difficult as he doesn't do well talking in front of others so I know he wouldn't join any help groups.
In simple terms, addiction is about them needing a way to cope with stress. So the trigger for the relapse is likely to be something that has happened, which has made them feel stressed. The best way to find out what that is, would be to talk to them about it, but if they can't, or won't, talk to you about it, then try a counsellor, or a therapist.
Thankyou for your reply, we've both been to see a therapist, my fiancée started seeing her between being arrested and going to court, saw her for 2 years then covid hit and she was no longer able to do face to face appointments and left the ball in his court as to whether he wanted to continue online with them, she was happy with his progress and until recently everything has been fine. He doesn't know the trigger and although we talk openly and he's honest it's hard to pinpoint. I've got in contact with the therapist again and will what she advises. Just frustrated !
Even if they cannot identify what is causing the stress, an addict will know when they get the urge to act out, so its really about agreeing an alternative coping strategy, for when they get that urge. For an alcoholic in AA, it would often involve calling their sponsor, when they feel the urge to drink. The sponsor, who is also a recovering addict themselves, would then encourage them to discuss their feelings and would find out what is on their mind and what is stressing them out.