Family and Friends Forum

Hi xxx,

I did one for my son so slightly different

Keep it to one A4 page (typed preferably)

Who you are to the offender and how long you have been together, put that you are aware of what he is changed with you do not need to go into detail,

How they are as a person, how and what they have done to work on themselves since the arrest,

The impact to you etc

Dont mention what you think they should get as far as sentancing goes

Hope this helps in some way xx

Hi Xxx

i kept it brief and simple - my name is, relationship and how long you've known offender.
I mentioned that in X amount of years he had been a honest loving dad and partner and had never been known to the law or SS, until now.
The effect it had on him, us and our families.
That if he was to get a custodial there would be a good chance Me and the children would lose our home, relying on one wage (I thought this might be a bit of a risk but solicitor said it was good) and ended by saying we would support him to ensure he would never offend again x

Jayjay do you mind if I use what you've wrote as a template I have no idea what to write and my oh is also the only earner so would be in same position

No of course not. I got ideas from here and online. I was so scared of making things worse if I said the wrong thing, if that was even possible, but the judge pointed out at sentencing that he'd read it and was very sympathetic x

I probably did, possibly the day before court but can't remember exactly x

I'm trying to write up a character reference for my person.

The tips on here are really useful but I'm wondering if I should mention the impact of the knock and possible custodial sentence on my own mental health as well?- I have been diagnosed with PTSD since the knock and feeling suicidal.

I'm worried that this might count against my person in that they could be seen to have caused this.

Also who the letter of accountability be addressed to?

Hi Seaside,

You can by all means write about the impact but definitely not mention the prison part as this can be fround upon

Try to keep it to one A4 size

Not much help I know xx

Thanks so much Upset for the advice.

Like yourself Smile and Polly I'm a Mum supporting my son.

I'm doing mine and I'm going to use my forensic psychology degree. I did a few maps reports so gonna work that in.


might do two seperate

Seaside

I is so difficult to keep your emotions at bay when writing a referance as our feelings are so raw on this journey,

I I acknowled what he had done, and the work he was doing to seek help, the impact to us his family I also said how sorry I was for the impact to the victims but that was all I said in regards to his crime, how much I am there to help and support him and will always be

Sending hugs xx

Thank you it is so hard to be objective and unemotional isn't it ?

At the time of the offences he was under extreme stress and coping with the sudden serious illness of a close family member -not any excuse but definitely a contributing factor.

Have now put together a first draft of the character reference for my son -thought I'd do it whilst I am relatively clear headed.

I've stated my name and relationship to him and that I'm aware of the offences he is charged with.

Also that in x number of years he has been reliable, hard working, respectful etc and this behaviour is completely out of character.

Mentioned that at the time he was under considerable academic pressure and coping with the serious illness of a close family member ( not sure if to include this?)

Stated that he is very remorseful, fully aware of the seriousness and the impact on victims and family and that he has undertaken LFF courses, phoned helpline regularly, spoken to a therapist and sought medical help.

Should I say that he will accept whatever sentence he is given ?

I finished by saying that he has the support of his parents and we will continue to ensure that he never repeats this behaviour.

Any advice on whether this sounds ok would be really helpful.

Evening Seaside x

Hope you are all doing ok x

What you have said is really good

I wouldn't mention the bit about he will accept what ever sentance is given

But the part about your son having you behind him is so important

Will you be going to court?xx

Thank you so much Upset hope you're doing ok?

I think you are amazing and your support for your son is wonderful-it's very hard as a Mum isn't it because we know and love the person and that they're not what others may think.

I will support my son until my last breath .

We have plea hearing on the 17th and I have decided that I won't be there because I don't think I could remain calm .

I have PTSD following the knock and the appalling way I was treated and spoken to by the police and it would be triggered by going to the court.

Hi Seaside, I wouldn't put the bit about accepting sentence but otherwise sounds good.
I think the judge/panel and barrister all felt sorry for me after reading mine and were very sympathetic, so I wouldn't say mine was totally unemotional, but I did try to state facts. It just depends on the panel on the day x

Thanks Jayjay

I wasn't sure about putting the bit about accepting the sentence so will leave that out.

I'm wondering whether I should include the fact that he has low self esteem due to having been very badly bullied at school or would this be more relevant in the PSR report ?

Thanks for all the advice.

I was thinking that I would do a handwritten letter and then scan it to send to the solicitor.

Trying to get things in place before Plea hearing on the 17th although I know its really more for the PSR.

In addition to my character reference we have 2 more from close family friends who have known him for years and are aware of the situation who have both been incredibly supportive.

He will put together a letter of accountability and we also have the record of the LFF course, helpline log and therapist.

Hopefully these will be taken into consideration but as you say it all depends on the judge on the day.

Sending love and strength to everyone going through this terrible journey.

Thanks so much for all the help and advice.

I think that I will hand write the character reference and scan it to send to the solicitor and my son will do the same with his letter of accountability.

Regarding the letter who should it be addressed to?

Any advice on the format for his letter would be appreciated.

Sending hugs and strength to everyone going through this horrendous journey.

Hi Seaside

When I did mine I addressed it to

To your Honorable Judge ,

If at crown court xx

Thank you Upset -how's your son doing?

Hi Seaside,

He is doing ok thank you for asking

We have a visit this weekend so we get a couple of hours with him x

How are you and how is your son ?x

Hi Upset,

I hope you get to spend some time with your son at the weekend I'm sure he will be pleased to see you.

My son isn't good at the moment he suffers greatly with anxiety and he is terrified of going for his plea hearing next week.