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Hi all,
Quick background
My (eventually to be ex) husband got the knock march 21 for links to a single image, denied everythin, I believed him. Police investigate, meanwhile I fall pregnant (been together 6 years at this point). Baby comes a month early, the day he's meant to have his police meeting. Social services inform me around 60 A-C images were found deleted on his devices. He still denies. A month later, finally admits the truth to me.
Meanwhile police proceedings continue, and eventually in September he was sentenced to 8months suspended for 2 years, 10 years on sex offenders register and a SHPO.
I asked him to leave the house in May, and he moved back to his parents 2 hours away.
He's seen our baby now once a month, supervised by me.
I support him getting help, but will never trust him after all he did leading up to this, so our married relationship is over. We are still on friendly terms at the moment, and I hope to continue that for the sake of our child.
I want our baby to have a relationship with him, as I think it's better for my baby to have a relationship with their father provided it's safe and I respond as they get older to what works to keep my child safe and happy. I will not allow unsupervised contact at any point, and will ensure the child knows in due course (when they're old enough to process it) what happened. Due to the father being 2 hours away and never having spent lots of time with our child, they won't have a traditional father-child relationship but I really believe there should be one.
My social worker, and the probation officer support him seeing our child under supervision, especially as it's only once a month.
My family generally understand though hate him for what he did and don't want to see him themselves, which is also understandable.
However one sister now refuses to talk to me as has literally called me an awful mother for meeting with him. Unfortunately she lives with my parents and I'm round their house most days for support and companionship as life with a baby can get lonely otherwise.
I'm happy with my decision not to be together, but also completely understand those who chose to stay with partners. All circumstances are different. I'm pretty certain that my once a month arrangement works, but am just worried it'll backfire horrendously when child is older and I'll feel awful and my sister will say I told you so.
Basically, anyone any advice? Any articles that prove having a relationship with a father is better than not? Particularly in these circumstances as he's not evil/going to cause her physical harm (as he won't be alone with baby and I do believe he wouldn't harm baby but well, I also wouldn't have though this would ever happen...)
Am I doing the right thing? Anyone been in a similar situation and it worked out in the end with the person who had an issue? Anyone had successful contact with a father that no longer lives at home, and the father hasn't done bad things again?
Help much appreciated, thank you.
Quick background
My (eventually to be ex) husband got the knock march 21 for links to a single image, denied everythin, I believed him. Police investigate, meanwhile I fall pregnant (been together 6 years at this point). Baby comes a month early, the day he's meant to have his police meeting. Social services inform me around 60 A-C images were found deleted on his devices. He still denies. A month later, finally admits the truth to me.
Meanwhile police proceedings continue, and eventually in September he was sentenced to 8months suspended for 2 years, 10 years on sex offenders register and a SHPO.
I asked him to leave the house in May, and he moved back to his parents 2 hours away.
He's seen our baby now once a month, supervised by me.
I support him getting help, but will never trust him after all he did leading up to this, so our married relationship is over. We are still on friendly terms at the moment, and I hope to continue that for the sake of our child.
I want our baby to have a relationship with him, as I think it's better for my baby to have a relationship with their father provided it's safe and I respond as they get older to what works to keep my child safe and happy. I will not allow unsupervised contact at any point, and will ensure the child knows in due course (when they're old enough to process it) what happened. Due to the father being 2 hours away and never having spent lots of time with our child, they won't have a traditional father-child relationship but I really believe there should be one.
My social worker, and the probation officer support him seeing our child under supervision, especially as it's only once a month.
My family generally understand though hate him for what he did and don't want to see him themselves, which is also understandable.
However one sister now refuses to talk to me as has literally called me an awful mother for meeting with him. Unfortunately she lives with my parents and I'm round their house most days for support and companionship as life with a baby can get lonely otherwise.
I'm happy with my decision not to be together, but also completely understand those who chose to stay with partners. All circumstances are different. I'm pretty certain that my once a month arrangement works, but am just worried it'll backfire horrendously when child is older and I'll feel awful and my sister will say I told you so.
Basically, anyone any advice? Any articles that prove having a relationship with a father is better than not? Particularly in these circumstances as he's not evil/going to cause her physical harm (as he won't be alone with baby and I do believe he wouldn't harm baby but well, I also wouldn't have though this would ever happen...)
Am I doing the right thing? Anyone been in a similar situation and it worked out in the end with the person who had an issue? Anyone had successful contact with a father that no longer lives at home, and the father hasn't done bad things again?
Help much appreciated, thank you.
Hi,
I can only offer an opinion based on my experience. We are 20 months post sentencing, initial contact was fortnightly then weekly and we've recently added another day so twice a week. Our daughter was born in the week of sentencing, I supervise contact. Like yourself I plan to tell her as appropriate. I don't rule out unsupervised in the future but this would be after an independent risk assessment.
I've had people question why I would allow him to be a part of my daughters life but I believe he has the ability to be a good father and an asset to my daughter. To be honest the only opinions that matter to me are my childrens. He is working on himself, has done the engage course (his conviction was communication), he limits his use of the internet when he's feeling low and doesn't watch porn at all since his arrest. I think for me it was weighing up the chances of her resenting me for stopping her having a relationship with him against any resentment about keeping him in her life until she's old enough to make her own decisions xx
I can only offer an opinion based on my experience. We are 20 months post sentencing, initial contact was fortnightly then weekly and we've recently added another day so twice a week. Our daughter was born in the week of sentencing, I supervise contact. Like yourself I plan to tell her as appropriate. I don't rule out unsupervised in the future but this would be after an independent risk assessment.
I've had people question why I would allow him to be a part of my daughters life but I believe he has the ability to be a good father and an asset to my daughter. To be honest the only opinions that matter to me are my childrens. He is working on himself, has done the engage course (his conviction was communication), he limits his use of the internet when he's feeling low and doesn't watch porn at all since his arrest. I think for me it was weighing up the chances of her resenting me for stopping her having a relationship with him against any resentment about keeping him in her life until she's old enough to make her own decisions xx