Family and Friends Forum

Sorry that's happened xxx,

Has anyone contacted you about it? I would just say I don't want to talk about it and tell them nothing x

Hi Xxx,

I'm so sorry that your story has hit the press. Try and take some deep breaths today and focus on something that keeps you busy.

I personally wouldn't lie about it not being your partner. I think it will only cause more people to do their own research. Like Jay said, I would just say you do not want to talk about it. It's not anyone elses business.

I'm not sure the media will take the article down either as they have qualified privilege, so long as the "report is fair, accurate, published without malice and in the public interest". They are ok to publish. If they've told lies, then you could email them to have them removed but I'm not sure if this would be "poking the bear" so to speak.

Look after yourself today. You'll get through this. X.

How did they get his old name? Must have been the police because they'd be the only ones who have it. I'd just deny it, csay it's not him, noone you know may notice. I'd contact website and say you need yo safeguard your children, it may work or may not work.

That's awful that they've published his old name. I would never trust the papers to tell the truth, especially not about something like this, it wouldn't make a very interesting story.

I know it's difficult not to worry about it as I'm dreading this part myself, but lots of people won't see it. If anyone does see it and contact you, you don't have to respond. You may find some are supportive. It'll be old news soon x

I'm sorry it's hit the media. This really is one of the cruelest things about this journey.



The write up on my person was horrible, I don't know if our right lies were written or exaggerated truths as I wasn't in court to hear what was actually said. I'd thought about writting to the papers but thought I might be more successful after his full sentence, including license period has been served. It's the picture that's a killer. He'll change his name when he's out, we'll move and make a back story to cover tracks of where we lived before.

On a practical note, have you checked there are no pictures on the web under his name?

I think whether to admit or deny is a very personal choice. I guess you need to consider whether it's believable or not and whether people could put other pieces of information together that might make them not believe you. For example not being able to do or go certain places.

Xxx

I am so sorry this has hit the media

I would be surprised if anyone mentioned it but if they do I would just say I am not ready to openly talk about it, you do not need to explain to anyone but to deny would then mean you have to then explain etc ( I hope that makes sense)

My sons case was so distorted from the truth I was in court and know what he did but the police shared on their FB and fabricated the truth so much,

You will know who you want to talk to and you will also know who to not discuss with, the one thing you need to know is you have done nothing wrong xx

Xxx



I'm so sorry. It's another part of this awful journey that we have no control over. I've stepped away from social media already 'just in case' but it's honestly one of the best things I've done for a good while. I feel like I have taken back a little control by removing myself from the glare & intrusion of social media and can't see myself returning. Todays news is quickly old news xx

I'm so sorry this has happened! It's nobody's business other than yours so you do what you need to do and if saying it isn't him is that then that's what you must do. I would also add that if you are on social media, post as normal! This will throw off the scent whereas silence could raise suspicion. Surely people don't know he's changed his name either so it's unlikely they will know. I Googled my partner multiple times after his hearing and there is actually someone with the same name around the same age who does the same job as him in the paper for something as a victim in something completely unrelated and I actually had to ask if it was him but it wasn't. Hopefully nobody has the gall to ask but if they do, put on your best performance. Sending love xx

Deciding whether or not to tell the truth is a very personal choice as someone else mentioned. But if there's anything I've learnt from being on this journey is that lies cause so much trouble and can sometimes make a situation so much worse. If your partners name, age and street are in the media neighbours or people in your village may pick up on it. If you then start telling people it's nothing to do with you and people realise you're lying they may think even worse of the situation. Choose whatever decision is right for you both but I would really think it through xx



I hope everything goes alright for you. We are dreading sentencing for my partner and it being in the media. He's going to be moving 3 hours away to live with family before magistrates so we're hoping that will lesson the media attention in our village. But all we can do is hope for the best xx

Xxx,

I know that feeling so well. I still find myself feeling uneasy with people I've not seen for a while wondering if they know. I felt like I had it tattooed on my forehead. Try to limit reading it, you're tormenting yourself with it. You haven't done anything wrong at all, hold your head high lovely. Try to rest, eat and sleep when you can. It can feel like the very early days all over again. Sending love xxx

Hi I"m Sorry you are also going through this I'm two years plus into this journey .

themedia for us was worse than ever expected even though no photo published--- a local Facebook vigilante group asked for photos and these were delivered to them by 'friends ' . I think that's what hurts most seeing people you have been best friends with for many many years who then incite opinions harm or death threats or post addresses via Facebook . Some of these people are my kids godparents !! They have literally read an article and believed it and not come to the source or myself to find out the truth or show some concern for myself or children . It is unforgivable. You do find out who your friends are and some are not worth having . I moved and I am happier for it but we are separate. Good luck and lots of love xxx

Xxx - he's correct / it will 'blow over' and soon become old news..... I came off Facebook two years ago and I really don't miss it one bit!

It breaks your heart to think people read this crap take on your loved one and you really do learn about people who are just nosey and people that do care.

Oh Xxx / how I feel your anguish and fear, bless you...... I too live in a web of lies - don't like it one bit to be honest but unfortunately have no choice. It really takes a lot of guts to do it - in a heartbeat I'd much prefer to be honest with the people I love.

Take a deep breath and honestly quite often you can overthink and your fears don't happen. It's very hard on families!

Xxx,

The only way people will think it's him is if they ask you and you say yes or if you act suspiciously. I never read the news and especially not the local news, not everybody does. If there is no picture it's unlikely people will thinks it's him. Try not to worry and plan what u will say IF anybody asks you xx

Xxx please breathe and remember this is not your crime. When my OH crime went in the paper they mentioned the P word and exaggerated the number of images by hundreds. My OH would not let me go to the paper. For the first few weeks i would not open my curtains fully, even though you cannot see through into my house from the road. I hid away scared liked you. My local club sent a message saying they were having a small get together, I knew no children would be there, so we both took a deep breathe and went. I was fully prepared to walk out at the first hint of anything even down to not having a coat or handbag with me, so I could literally walk out. I feel i have the details written on my forehead. I also feel bad because I am putting a person among them which they would not want if they knew. But we went and though felt surreal, i had a nice time. I still have the feeling the world is going on and i am an outsider. But i make myself go out shopping etc. each time i go out it makes it a little easier. I have read articles about other men being charged with this crime, and i soon realised that i do not remember their name nor their picture if there is one. I am still fearful that someone will blindside me, but I am slowly getting to grips with it. My family already knew as did my close friends, so the only people who can blindside me are my colleagues in work, i have worked from home since, and people who i know casually. This has helped. BUt i have to go back into the office soon which i am dreading. But each challenge one at a time.
i hope you manage to find a way of coping otherwise this will make you ill. X

Xxx,

What visor has said is not correct, to the best of my knowledge they can't impose restrictions that impose on day to day life. Not going into shops or swimming etc is ridiculous. My persons visor told us that things like small social gatherings, bbqs and such would have to disclose but for us to take our daughter places where other children that we don't know is fine. I'd question that perhaps in an email so you have it in writing xxx

I think as time goes on you just have to 'let go' - I hate so many things that have happened to us, but as hard as one tries you have to move forward, face it and live your life.

Also accept you will have worry, sadness and relapses that we sadly have to cope with - through no fault of our own. This path is certainly a learning curve!

No photo of my OH was in the paper. But i keep going to google, he has five entries and he has an unusual name so there is not many other entries that come up with his name that is not him. My councillor has told me to stop looking him up but i cannot help it. It is as if i still cannot believe this is happening. Our knock was in june and he was sentenced three weeks later so we did not have any time to get things sorted in our heads.

Hi Webb x

i still tap on Google - wish I didnt but how I'd love to find out it wasn't there anymore!!!!! I then say to myself 'now why did you look at that & go upsetting yourself '. :(

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I went through this exactly a year ago in both local and national press. To be honest I had the fear so much, that actually when it did hit I almost felt relieved as I had no control over it. I think that's the hard thing to accept is that you have no control on what is written, who sees it etc.
But I promise you it will blow over. I still bump into people now and I think 'oh god, do they know' but actually the most important people know. So if it will help, talk to people, you may be suprised by their reaction.
You'll get through this stage, I promise

Xxx I'm the same as you, I've told noone, just my mum and I watered it down some. I don't intend to tell anyone, he's changed his name and hopfully the petition his barrister has put in requesting no photos graphs are allowed in media holds. I don't tend to tell anyone as urs noones business so give yourself a break

I k ow it's harder for you as you have kids together. Also the fact that they saud he can't go to parks, toy shops is absolute rubbish. Read his shpo again. My person's just says that no contact with under 16, except places it can't be helped such as cinema, park etc when he's just walking or going out.

It's horresndus but I'd say more so with you, you sound so torn. If we do work out then I'm ginba tell my children as they'll need to know, my youngest is almost 16. He's also. Planning on telling his children too. Sometimes it feels like us and the children are being punished too. That spho is too much, definitely get that removed. Sounds like they are trying to put him off doing it. Xxx