Struggerling more than ever
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Hi sorry I'm always posting I do my own head in . I just don't know what to do anymore . I eveen feel scared writing on this chat incase I can somehow be identified so I keep removing my comments. I'm not strong enough for this journey and I'm a terrible worrier and lier . I take what anyone says to heart and I can't make up my own mind. I thought living a lie would be over but I'm lying more than that ever. I'm isolated and and don't want to turn to family because I think they will make things worse for me. But also worried if they click on the media posts are about him :( xxx
Xxx,
Don't apologise, it's better you reach out than to keep it bottled up! Your feelings are absolutely valid and the worry is expected but we all live with the view that people are watching us closely and can see through our barriers but the truth is they can't, everyone is going through life with their own worries and struggles - I mean look at us, we've made it all this time and nobody knows or suspects! If we can go this far we can go further.
BREATHE IN AND OUT. You're allowing your anxieties to get the better of you and worrying about a situation that hasn't happened and is likely not to happen (unless a picture is posted which I'm sure would've happened by now). You've pretty much made it to the other side and so far it's been the outcome that you hoped for - no picture, no custodial etc. Focus on that and your future and try to be positive. Why don't you drop a couple of friends and family a text or a phonecall for a catch up just seeing how they are and build yourself up to popping round and socialising? You've got this! Sending love xxx
Don't apologise, it's better you reach out than to keep it bottled up! Your feelings are absolutely valid and the worry is expected but we all live with the view that people are watching us closely and can see through our barriers but the truth is they can't, everyone is going through life with their own worries and struggles - I mean look at us, we've made it all this time and nobody knows or suspects! If we can go this far we can go further.
BREATHE IN AND OUT. You're allowing your anxieties to get the better of you and worrying about a situation that hasn't happened and is likely not to happen (unless a picture is posted which I'm sure would've happened by now). You've pretty much made it to the other side and so far it's been the outcome that you hoped for - no picture, no custodial etc. Focus on that and your future and try to be positive. Why don't you drop a couple of friends and family a text or a phonecall for a catch up just seeing how they are and build yourself up to popping round and socialising? You've got this! Sending love xxx
Xxx you're not alone. You've just described all of what I'm feeling. It's difficult. Some days are so much more harder to get through than others but we keep plodding along. That's life. I can't think of anything worse but like all the other difficult times, this too will pass.
Stay strong. We are all here for each other and to share our journeys. Hugs. X
Stay strong. We are all here for each other and to share our journeys. Hugs. X
Honey Post away because like me, you've noone to talk to so I understand. I'm quiet a strong person but I still have all the anxiety, I'm on meds and it's really really helped if I'm. Honest. Maybe sieak to your gp, you'll end up hving a nervous break down if you keep on like this. I totally get the constant Brian clogs working overtime. My counsellor told me, what ever happens, just remember, it's out of your control. Whatever happens its the way things are suppose to be and you'll get past it. Best words I've ever heard and these words have helped me so much. Please post as many times as you want honey. We are here for you x
Thank you sorry I just blabber on in a stake of upset and shock . I can't get my head around anything . I should of told my parents I can't like a lie for 10 years . I don't understand the mess regarding social / probation / visors ect there all pushing me from pillar to post with no answer . The shpo was discussed on the court and internet only . And it's not . Solicitor said wait 18moths then we can try and ament it in court but it will cost lot . It shudnt be in there so why now have they let it get done . And social have said it's up to the visor people and they say it's up to social that's just to have him home . All the other rules are still in place . No park ect it's stupid . Nobody noes what there doing or saying and I have no clear answers to anything xxx
I took my mum out for lunch couldn't even eat . Was on edge was horrible I can't distract myself I'm on edge that someone will post a pic and I havnt even old her or if she clicked the article and she's known as xxx
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I have been debating it for a few days it's just I don't wan to upset her she's got enough on her plate . And she dusnt get on with my partner anyway so Ino she will say get rid of him and she will hate him . And also that worried me with he social I think she would maybe get involved and say he shudnt be near the kids . My partner doesn't want me to say to them but he se dof course it's my choice and if I need support but he's confidant noone will know it's him because there's no photo and we can move on . I'm just thinking won't vigilantes try and work out who it is and try get a photo ect it's been posted my 2 newspapers and on social media facebook . Is this them done or is there more to come xxx
Ahh bles you, your poor wee heads full of doors and they're all banging. You've been messed about something shocking. Listen you really don't have to make any decisions yet. Give yourself a break then go through one thing at a time. Do what's best for you and your choice. ne else. I'm a very private person anyway so noone asks me questions so Irs easier for me I suppose because I generally don't talk about my private life. Just try to think of it like that. Noone is entitled to know your family business. You're not lying your just not telling anyone. Please reach out to stop it helpline or gp. You're really struggling.
I think only you can decide if you can lie and give excuses to your family for 10 years and then keep that secret forever.
I was fortunate in that I told two close family members at the knock and then some very close family friends who he'd been in contact with their kids at evidence stage.
They all supported me 100% but then I no longer am in a relationship with him I don't know what they would have done if we were still together.
I hated the lies etc during the investigation period of 18 months and that's when I thought it was a mistake. I don't think I could have lied for him once I knew what he'd done. Every lie made me feel dirty. Even ow if an acquaintance asks me about him and I just say we're no longer together I feel bad.
I wish you had someone to confide in. I had one particular family member who I cried to many times and I don't k ow how else I would have gotten through this.
Sending hugs x
I was fortunate in that I told two close family members at the knock and then some very close family friends who he'd been in contact with their kids at evidence stage.
They all supported me 100% but then I no longer am in a relationship with him I don't know what they would have done if we were still together.
I hated the lies etc during the investigation period of 18 months and that's when I thought it was a mistake. I don't think I could have lied for him once I knew what he'd done. Every lie made me feel dirty. Even ow if an acquaintance asks me about him and I just say we're no longer together I feel bad.
I wish you had someone to confide in. I had one particular family member who I cried to many times and I don't k ow how else I would have gotten through this.
Sending hugs x
No need to apologise.
I'd recommend staying away from media and google, picture or no picture you can't control it and you will make yourself ill.
try to do something nice for yourself today whether it be a hot bath in peace, a walk or reading.
there's only you can decide whether to tell your mum, I would like to think she would be there to support you but we never know how someone will react.
you need some support too, give the helpline a call and talk it through with them, this isn't your crime xx
I'd recommend staying away from media and google, picture or no picture you can't control it and you will make yourself ill.
try to do something nice for yourself today whether it be a hot bath in peace, a walk or reading.
there's only you can decide whether to tell your mum, I would like to think she would be there to support you but we never know how someone will react.
you need some support too, give the helpline a call and talk it through with them, this isn't your crime xx
Xxx There was never a pic of my OH in the paper, as you know I have been worried about comments from my OH newspaper article, but after 10 weeks still no picture. I wish I could just tell you not to worry but i know that will not work. I was lucky with my work i had access to 24 hour councilling which i rang all the time. I think it is the fact no one will give a straight answer about restrictions which makes this journey so hard. They all give different answers but you cannot fall foul to them! I am sorry you are having a hard time but post away, everyday if it helps. Posting on here all the time is better than being alone.
sending you hugs. X
sending you hugs. X
Thank you for your replies I did get an email from stopit now to maybe stay off social media. So I best carm down with posting .
I can't imagine lying at all to be honest but at the moment I don't know what's going on in my own head and my family will be changing my mind to leave him I'm sure of it .
It's the unknown of the media post I don't think anyone thinks it's us . So there not going to ask so I can't win really unless I post it myself and say that's me guys .
Jayjay the social are now doing an assement but the tema manger on the phone basilcy said he's interested in children and they need to safe guard them and we can't go to parks and things . There ringing back this week . I'm not sure if it's becaus wof the volume of images but I can't see how some can have cases closed and others not .
They want the world to know and want us to be house bound I think . Noone is answering what we can do social say visor visor days social . Solicitor says internet only do what you like . So I just want answers really because any breach will be prison for the all these athorties having no idea . There answer when we say the zooz booked for my daughter's birthday is well you can't go and you wouldn't want to incase recognized xxx
I can't imagine lying at all to be honest but at the moment I don't know what's going on in my own head and my family will be changing my mind to leave him I'm sure of it .
It's the unknown of the media post I don't think anyone thinks it's us . So there not going to ask so I can't win really unless I post it myself and say that's me guys .
Jayjay the social are now doing an assement but the tema manger on the phone basilcy said he's interested in children and they need to safe guard them and we can't go to parks and things . There ringing back this week . I'm not sure if it's becaus wof the volume of images but I can't see how some can have cases closed and others not .
They want the world to know and want us to be house bound I think . Noone is answering what we can do social say visor visor days social . Solicitor says internet only do what you like . So I just want answers really because any breach will be prison for the all these athorties having no idea . There answer when we say the zooz booked for my daughter's birthday is well you can't go and you wouldn't want to incase recognized xxx
Hi Xxx,
It was my son who offended, so I have no direct experience of dealing with the ss, but it may be worth talking to Unlock for advice on what legal restrictions should actually be imposed.
As far as I know, the SHPO sets out the legal restrictions, the restrictions should be relevant to the offence and risk and it is only these restrictions that have legal force. Talk to Unlock. What about the probation officer, as they are actually the lead offender manager if he's on a suspended sentence. What are they like?
Also the probation officer and visor officer should have, or will be, carrying out something called an ARMS assessment, which evaluates his risk and helps plan best what help he should get to avoid re-offending. He is entitled to know the outcome of this as it is in his interest to work with them.
My understanding is that if the SHPO is internet only, they should not be saying that he can't go to parks etc. My son has not been told to avoid anywhere.
It was my son who offended, so I have no direct experience of dealing with the ss, but it may be worth talking to Unlock for advice on what legal restrictions should actually be imposed.
As far as I know, the SHPO sets out the legal restrictions, the restrictions should be relevant to the offence and risk and it is only these restrictions that have legal force. Talk to Unlock. What about the probation officer, as they are actually the lead offender manager if he's on a suspended sentence. What are they like?
Also the probation officer and visor officer should have, or will be, carrying out something called an ARMS assessment, which evaluates his risk and helps plan best what help he should get to avoid re-offending. He is entitled to know the outcome of this as it is in his interest to work with them.
My understanding is that if the SHPO is internet only, they should not be saying that he can't go to parks etc. My son has not been told to avoid anywhere.
Xxx.
I think you're posting what a lot of people here are feeling. Just a massively uncertain spiral of emotions. I completely understand your fears. They're valid. It's easy to say 'stay off social media' 'don't look...' but it's so difficult in practice. Your body and mind will be in flight, fight or freeze mode and atm it sounds like you're in fight. Every single thought will be racing through your head.
It must be so stressful to not have someone to talk to this about and have to 'lie' to your family. I know what you mean about not wanting this to be a burden to anyone else. Is there no one person you can trust not to judge you or say anything? I think having an outlet in person would help you.
I don't have any good advice but I wanted to say that you're not alone - you're certainly not alone in how you feel. You've proven so far that you're an extremely strong individual. I'm sure if most of us on here could've seen into the future we'd never have expected we would survive this experience. And you have. And you will keep surviving. In a years' time this will be a distant memory. One foot in front of the other, day by day. You can do this.
I think you're posting what a lot of people here are feeling. Just a massively uncertain spiral of emotions. I completely understand your fears. They're valid. It's easy to say 'stay off social media' 'don't look...' but it's so difficult in practice. Your body and mind will be in flight, fight or freeze mode and atm it sounds like you're in fight. Every single thought will be racing through your head.
It must be so stressful to not have someone to talk to this about and have to 'lie' to your family. I know what you mean about not wanting this to be a burden to anyone else. Is there no one person you can trust not to judge you or say anything? I think having an outlet in person would help you.
I don't have any good advice but I wanted to say that you're not alone - you're certainly not alone in how you feel. You've proven so far that you're an extremely strong individual. I'm sure if most of us on here could've seen into the future we'd never have expected we would survive this experience. And you have. And you will keep surviving. In a years' time this will be a distant memory. One foot in front of the other, day by day. You can do this.
Another mum thank you his probation officer was eveen worse she could answer anything and repeated the same things that he can't do anything and why would he want to is he not worried if he's seen ect. He has a meeting this the both next week I think and a meeting to check devices. I know it sounds silly but it's like they want him to suffer Im guessing they would do but they more worry us than help. She got his name wrong 3 times its all a shambles. The only person that gets his name and offences right is the reporter ! Pri*k
Ataloss thank you for Ur kind words I have told a friend but I message day and night am are proberly doing her head in and also now she has to lie if asked and say it's not him / I have no idea so I feel bad for her . I'm hoping these feeling fade butninjust can't see it myself . I'm wishing my life away just to get threw this and wasting valuable time with my children because I just can't have fun .
Xx
Ataloss thank you for Ur kind words I have told a friend but I message day and night am are proberly doing her head in and also now she has to lie if asked and say it's not him / I have no idea so I feel bad for her . I'm hoping these feeling fade butninjust can't see it myself . I'm wishing my life away just to get threw this and wasting valuable time with my children because I just can't have fun .
Xx
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Trust me don't worry about the media , if you have to go to court you can request that your name and address is not published , i've passed the 2 year's suspended sentence with my son and everything is fine, yes i still have to have the police come for the next 3 years to check device's , i've done two year's of it i'm sure i can do another three. Be positive xx
Thank you bitterbean , yea I hate lying :( but also after reading all the hate comments online I feel I need to lie to protect our identity for my girls sake . Once it's out there never any turning back for the horrible things they will call there dad for life .
Thank you Jake but to late for that :( they have already posted it in the media the next day xxx
Thank you Jake but to late for that :( they have already posted it in the media the next day xxx
Xxx
I'm so sorry you are in this situation and completely understand that once the knowledge about your OH is out there you can't take it back. I guess all you can do is be strong, hang in there and you will find a way get through this. Wishing you all the best
I'm so sorry you are in this situation and completely understand that once the knowledge about your OH is out there you can't take it back. I guess all you can do is be strong, hang in there and you will find a way get through this. Wishing you all the best
Thank you for Ur support . Last stupid question of the week . I have just been on tik tok and seen vidoes that police video the whole thing like 24 hours in police custody how do we know that's there's not going to be a program about it ? Xx
Xxx my mum was filmed for an ambulance version and they were very clear about getting consent if you were going to be on TV, and they would follow it up later if they decided to use footage. I would guess police would be the same. I don't think they could screen without consent.