Sons MH
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Since the knock my son's MH has deteriorated so very badly and I do not know what to do.
I am a mh professional of over 30 years so have a tremendous amount of experience and knowledge but this is my son, the love of my life...
He will not accept that any help support meds or therapy can help him yet does not lack capacity and is not a danger to himself or others.
He is a hermit never leaves my very small flat
He has put on about 5/6 st tbro eating choc etc
He cries like a toddler daily he thinks he is a burden a disappointment, all of that. I tell him daily he is the opposite. And how proud I am and how much I love him what clearly spelling out how I'll he is and that he needs help
He stinks he is filthy has no clothes that fit or aren't dirty rags I had to beg him to shower at the weekends, tbe smell in flat was grim and sickening.
I literally wish he were dead because he would be at peace. He is tbe absolute love of my life.
He has no resilience
No hope
No self esteem
I am completely alone with this
I Feel close to break down and he knows this and it makes him feel worse x
I am a mh professional of over 30 years so have a tremendous amount of experience and knowledge but this is my son, the love of my life...
He will not accept that any help support meds or therapy can help him yet does not lack capacity and is not a danger to himself or others.
He is a hermit never leaves my very small flat
He has put on about 5/6 st tbro eating choc etc
He cries like a toddler daily he thinks he is a burden a disappointment, all of that. I tell him daily he is the opposite. And how proud I am and how much I love him what clearly spelling out how I'll he is and that he needs help
He stinks he is filthy has no clothes that fit or aren't dirty rags I had to beg him to shower at the weekends, tbe smell in flat was grim and sickening.
I literally wish he were dead because he would be at peace. He is tbe absolute love of my life.
He has no resilience
No hope
No self esteem
I am completely alone with this
I Feel close to break down and he knows this and it makes him feel worse x
Post deleted by user
Hi, sending good wishes your way - your situation must be heartbreaking. Is your son over 18? I'm no expert on mental health, so please take the following in the positive spirit intended.
- Is the cause of his unhappiness his offences, the underlying issues that led to him offending, a sense of injustice, fear of the legal repurcussions, or something else? Once you and he understand what's really distressing him, it may be easier to address.
- What advice does your solicitor (legal aid or private) give? They may be able to 'encourage' the police to speed up their investigation in the interests of your son's mental health.
- As your son has been in this situation for some time, he's likely to be becoming habituated to his lifestyle. Until he has some motivation to change, and a reason to break his habits, his behaviour will become increasingly entrenched. Perhaps some sense of routine and responsibility might help. As soon as he feels needed, his view of his own self worth may improve. Could he volunteer at a local animal shelter (dog walking etc)? Or even better, a job would improve his self-esteem and give him some structure. Could you gently suggest that you need to raise expectations of him to contribute to household expenses, and that he'll need to get a job within a defined timescale (and gradually cut back on any financial support you give him).
- Are there any other trusted family members who could talk to him, or take him our for a day. A change of scene might be a good thing. If he's self conscious, even a trip to the cinema or evening walk could be beneficial.
- Is he willing to read (books or online) about the reasons people find themselves in this situation, and how they successfully come out on the other side?
- Has he spoken to the LFF support line? Would he? On my person's first call I joined too - and they were fine with that. Perhaps he'd be open to a call on speaker phone for you, him and the helpline representative.
- Are you in a position to buy him a few new clothes that fit? Can you find a mobile hairdresser to give him a trim at home? Anything to improve his self esteem.
- You may have already, but speak to his GP and ask for a home visit.
- And I know it's hard for him to hear, but try to help him understand that he's a young person with his whole life ahead of him. This will pass. All things do. This may be the worst thing that ever happens to him, but every day is a day towards a happier future - and he needs to be fit and ready to enjoy it!
Really hope you both feel more positive and get some kind of good news soon.
- Is the cause of his unhappiness his offences, the underlying issues that led to him offending, a sense of injustice, fear of the legal repurcussions, or something else? Once you and he understand what's really distressing him, it may be easier to address.
- What advice does your solicitor (legal aid or private) give? They may be able to 'encourage' the police to speed up their investigation in the interests of your son's mental health.
- As your son has been in this situation for some time, he's likely to be becoming habituated to his lifestyle. Until he has some motivation to change, and a reason to break his habits, his behaviour will become increasingly entrenched. Perhaps some sense of routine and responsibility might help. As soon as he feels needed, his view of his own self worth may improve. Could he volunteer at a local animal shelter (dog walking etc)? Or even better, a job would improve his self-esteem and give him some structure. Could you gently suggest that you need to raise expectations of him to contribute to household expenses, and that he'll need to get a job within a defined timescale (and gradually cut back on any financial support you give him).
- Are there any other trusted family members who could talk to him, or take him our for a day. A change of scene might be a good thing. If he's self conscious, even a trip to the cinema or evening walk could be beneficial.
- Is he willing to read (books or online) about the reasons people find themselves in this situation, and how they successfully come out on the other side?
- Has he spoken to the LFF support line? Would he? On my person's first call I joined too - and they were fine with that. Perhaps he'd be open to a call on speaker phone for you, him and the helpline representative.
- Are you in a position to buy him a few new clothes that fit? Can you find a mobile hairdresser to give him a trim at home? Anything to improve his self esteem.
- You may have already, but speak to his GP and ask for a home visit.
- And I know it's hard for him to hear, but try to help him understand that he's a young person with his whole life ahead of him. This will pass. All things do. This may be the worst thing that ever happens to him, but every day is a day towards a happier future - and he needs to be fit and ready to enjoy it!
Really hope you both feel more positive and get some kind of good news soon.
WeeWitch
Oh my heart breaks for you and your son.
My son is an offender and every day since the knock he wanted to end his life, as mum that is the last thing you want to hear
For 17 months he was under investigation for 17 months he told me he didn't want to live, I lived on my nerves every day
He had the second knock and was kept on remand an awful shit time, he started to self harm had given up
Sentenced moved to an So prison
He is still here, no longer self harming
I just want to say you are not alone in this journey neither is your son
I have no advice other than we are here for you xx
Oh my heart breaks for you and your son.
My son is an offender and every day since the knock he wanted to end his life, as mum that is the last thing you want to hear
For 17 months he was under investigation for 17 months he told me he didn't want to live, I lived on my nerves every day
He had the second knock and was kept on remand an awful shit time, he started to self harm had given up
Sentenced moved to an So prison
He is still here, no longer self harming
I just want to say you are not alone in this journey neither is your son
I have no advice other than we are here for you xx
Post deleted by user
Oh Polly
I hope you are ok x
I to feel the same
If I could change places with my son , if I could lay my life for his I would In a heartbeat xx
I hope you are ok x
I to feel the same
If I could change places with my son , if I could lay my life for his I would In a heartbeat xx
Sending love to you Xx
more needs done for help, my person has not been able to move prisons due to no space as the VP wings are full, what does that tell you.
has he reached out on the helpline? He doesn't have to feel like his life is over, it's not. My person said when we got the knock like a weight had been lifted
more needs done for help, my person has not been able to move prisons due to no space as the VP wings are full, what does that tell you.
has he reached out on the helpline? He doesn't have to feel like his life is over, it's not. My person said when we got the knock like a weight had been lifted
Post deleted by user
Hi Polly
Me and Smile.were thinking of you as had not had seen any posts from you x
Were doing ok thank.you , he is doing well in himself as he can be in this situation x
How are you all?x
Me and Smile.were thinking of you as had not had seen any posts from you x
Were doing ok thank.you , he is doing well in himself as he can be in this situation x
How are you all?x
Post deleted by user
Hi Polly x
Glad you are all ok , the length of this journey is horrendous x
How is your son in himself?x
I had a visit with my son last weekend we got see him 2 times a month due to the distance but talk often and have video calls, we have a new normal but it still hurts every day xx
Glad you are all ok , the length of this journey is horrendous x
How is your son in himself?x
I had a visit with my son last weekend we got see him 2 times a month due to the distance but talk often and have video calls, we have a new normal but it still hurts every day xx
Post deleted by user
Thank you all for your lovely words and advice
My son is his own worst enemy and if I could make a breakthrough with this I know there is hope and optimism for him
I honestly can't tell you how much your replies mean to me, I really can't
Love to you all x
My son is his own worst enemy and if I could make a breakthrough with this I know there is hope and optimism for him
I honestly can't tell you how much your replies mean to me, I really can't
Love to you all x
WeeWitch
You are not alone so reach out to us all
How is your son?
And how are you xx
You are not alone so reach out to us all
How is your son?
And how are you xx
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