Moms of offenders with partners. Opinions needed please
Notifications OFF
Can anyone offer any advice please. My person's mom has asked him if he's sure I'm the person for him. I had a good relationship with her before he was arrested. Was pregnant when he was arrested and it's their only grandchild. I seriously considered abortion because I didn't know how I'd cope on my own etc. In hindsight I probably shouldn't have voiced so much to his parents as they were hurting too. I wasn't nasty in any way and I've apologised for being blinded in my grief. I've made every effort to make sure they have a strong bond with baby and obviously I'm supporting their son through his journey and we're looking at rebuilding our relationship. I feel like by questioning him she is looking to blame our relationship for what he did. I'd welcome any advice on whether I should talk to her or just leave it alone and carry on as normal xxx
Distressed
I'm sorry but she has no right to question her son your other half, if you are the person to be with him, if anything she should be supportive to you that you are standing by him
You have his child and are doing an amazing job of been a mum, you are on this horrendous journey, nothing you have done to make him be here
As a mum of an offender I still struggle to understand how he ended up here, was it something I did but we have done nothing wrong
I guess she is in the same position to understand how, why did her son end up in this situation but not one of us can know they just get so deep and lost and know no way out
Not much advise other than reach out to her and have an open and honest conversation if I were her I would more supportive to you xx
I'm sorry but she has no right to question her son your other half, if you are the person to be with him, if anything she should be supportive to you that you are standing by him
You have his child and are doing an amazing job of been a mum, you are on this horrendous journey, nothing you have done to make him be here
As a mum of an offender I still struggle to understand how he ended up here, was it something I did but we have done nothing wrong
I guess she is in the same position to understand how, why did her son end up in this situation but not one of us can know they just get so deep and lost and know no way out
Not much advise other than reach out to her and have an open and honest conversation if I were her I would more supportive to you xx
Hi,
Thank you for responding. I can understand the looking for answers and as a mom of older teenagers too I can fully appreciate that it's hard not to look at things you've done or not done as a parent when they do something that doesn't align with how you've brought them up. I don't blame her in any of this at all, I do think she blames herself and needs to work through her own issues. I'm concerned because we don't have any of my family's support as a couple (I do have their support but none of them have seen him since all of this), I thought his parents were supportive of us as a couple. xxx
Thank you for responding. I can understand the looking for answers and as a mom of older teenagers too I can fully appreciate that it's hard not to look at things you've done or not done as a parent when they do something that doesn't align with how you've brought them up. I don't blame her in any of this at all, I do think she blames herself and needs to work through her own issues. I'm concerned because we don't have any of my family's support as a couple (I do have their support but none of them have seen him since all of this), I thought his parents were supportive of us as a couple. xxx
Distressed
Could you arrange a meet up to sit down and openly talk about this? x
Could you arrange a meet up to sit down and openly talk about this? x
Potentially. I don't have many childcare options and wouldn't want an atmosphere around baby so that adds another layer of difficulty on top of what would be a very awkward conversation. I'm seeing her tomorrow but I don't want to come across as confrontational if I bring it up. Usually I'm all for getting things out in the open but this is hard because she hasn't said anything to me. He lives with her so I want their relationship to be as good as it can be and she might feel like he's broken her trust by telling me. Massive elephant in the room tomorrow I think xxx
Distressed
Bless you it must be so hard but been open and honest and talking about this will be difficult there are so many emotions of this journey and it will be hard but by taking about it may be a weight of both of you
I am no expert on this but honestly you need to be able to openly talk , you have been so supportive while having to cope with this yourself
Xx
Bless you it must be so hard but been open and honest and talking about this will be difficult there are so many emotions of this journey and it will be hard but by taking about it may be a weight of both of you
I am no expert on this but honestly you need to be able to openly talk , you have been so supportive while having to cope with this yourself
Xx
Thank you. I will try to have an open conversation with her. I really want us all to be on the same page. She loves her son and my daughter and so do I. We both want the best for them so we have common ground in that xxx
I hope it goes as well as it can x
Hiya
Just wanted to check in on you and see if you managed to have a talk with your mum in law?xx
Just wanted to check in on you and see if you managed to have a talk with your mum in law?xx
Hi,
Thank you for checking in. He spoke to her on Saturday, they had a good and very much needed talk for a couple of hours. I went there yesterday and I don't think it's right for me to talk to her now that he has. There wasn't an atmosphere or an elephant in the room and I feel at peace. We're all on the same side and I'm happy with that. If it becomes something she says regularly then I'll have to say something but for now I know it's because she blames herself and hasn't been ready to face the whole situation so she's masked it with drinking xxx
Thank you for checking in. He spoke to her on Saturday, they had a good and very much needed talk for a couple of hours. I went there yesterday and I don't think it's right for me to talk to her now that he has. There wasn't an atmosphere or an elephant in the room and I feel at peace. We're all on the same side and I'm happy with that. If it becomes something she says regularly then I'll have to say something but for now I know it's because she blames herself and hasn't been ready to face the whole situation so she's masked it with drinking xxx
Glad they managed to have that much needed talk and as you said it should have come from him anyway x
Sorry to here she is drinking to cope , I did the same but it made me a worse so much more emotional so i stopped maybe she would benefit from talking to the helpline or even reading some of the post in this forum or just needs time.to take this all in
She is very lucky and so is your other half to have you there
How are you coping?xx
Sorry to here she is drinking to cope , I did the same but it made me a worse so much more emotional so i stopped maybe she would benefit from talking to the helpline or even reading some of the post in this forum or just needs time.to take this all in
She is very lucky and so is your other half to have you there
How are you coping?xx
I've told her about the helpline and the forum but I think she's been so far in denial that she doesn't want to say it out loud. I can understand that side of things but I've had to have so many uncomfortable conversations with ss etc that I'm over that hurdle until our daughter starts to ask questions.
I'm mostly coping ok thank you. Struggling with some things, my older children don't want anything to do with him so I feel like I'm leading two lives, they know so not a secret life but still not the one I dreamt of. They are nearly grown so I'm very aware that they are making their own lives, extremely aware of this as I spend the majority of my time alone with baby or just alone when she's in bed. Also finding the practical stuff quite challenging at the moment but that's usually a sign that my mental health has dipped so I'm keeping an eye on this xxx
I'm mostly coping ok thank you. Struggling with some things, my older children don't want anything to do with him so I feel like I'm leading two lives, they know so not a secret life but still not the one I dreamt of. They are nearly grown so I'm very aware that they are making their own lives, extremely aware of this as I spend the majority of my time alone with baby or just alone when she's in bed. Also finding the practical stuff quite challenging at the moment but that's usually a sign that my mental health has dipped so I'm keeping an eye on this xxx
Distressed
It such a difficult journey to be in isn't it,
I spend a lot of my time in my own space and that can also be difficult but I am glad you are aware of how you are feeling
Juggling a baby is hard enough without this also x
Maybe in time she will reach out and seek help but that is for her to do
In the meantime keep your self well and you have a safe place to sound off here
Hugs sent xx
It such a difficult journey to be in isn't it,
I spend a lot of my time in my own space and that can also be difficult but I am glad you are aware of how you are feeling
Juggling a baby is hard enough without this also x
Maybe in time she will reach out and seek help but that is for her to do
In the meantime keep your self well and you have a safe place to sound off here
Hugs sent xx