Still finding it hard
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It's been nearly six month's since the knock . We have split I'm still finding it incredibly hard and I think it's now sinking in that there is no future for us after 18 years and 2 children (teens) I'm dreaming about good times with x OH and crying more I want the pain to go I know alot of you have felt this at some point I just need to vent.
Dee197878
I am so sorry you are having a tough time
The life we had to where we now find ourselves is so hard x
Unlike you it is my son who offended and I will always be there for him, as hard as it is x
Only you can decide on what is the best for you and your family
Not much advise sorry but just wanted to send hugs xx
I am so sorry you are having a tough time
The life we had to where we now find ourselves is so hard x
Unlike you it is my son who offended and I will always be there for him, as hard as it is x
Only you can decide on what is the best for you and your family
Not much advise sorry but just wanted to send hugs xx
Upset mum thank you for kind words sometimes all we need is for someone to listen in the real world no-one gets it just get the hard your better off without him .so thank you for the hug x
I hope your doing ok I can't imagine it being my son I guess none off us want to be here what ever there situation but least we can understand each others pain and anxiety x
Wishing you well hugs x
I hope your doing ok I can't imagine it being my son I guess none off us want to be here what ever there situation but least we can understand each others pain and anxiety x
Wishing you well hugs x
I feel your psin, it's greiving the wonderful life you had and wanted forever. Took me moths and months to accept things would never be the same and the loveky life we had b4 I cherish it. Try to look at it like a new chapter in your life. One door closes and another opens. Is bloody hard but I promise it will get easier with time xx
Dee197878
It is a hard journey to be on but look how far you have come
I look at the here and now, from the first knock I knew I was living on borrowed time with my son, every day he was going to take his own life but fast forward to sentancing he is still here so I am grateful
We have a long way to go and I worry about his future but I step back and will x the next part in time
You are so strong and will make the decision that is right for you xx
It is a hard journey to be on but look how far you have come
I look at the here and now, from the first knock I knew I was living on borrowed time with my son, every day he was going to take his own life but fast forward to sentancing he is still here so I am grateful
We have a long way to go and I worry about his future but I step back and will x the next part in time
You are so strong and will make the decision that is right for you xx
Dee, it's horrid isn't it?
I don't want to lose my partner but I don't think I can live with the consequences of living with a sex offender
I don't want to lose my partner but I don't think I can live with the consequences of living with a sex offender
Bitterbean I hear you. Tonight as you commented i think, found out that i need to change my car insurance. Had problems earlier this year with household. I am so sick of all of this. It is only a few months for us, but OH already sentenced. But the consequences of living with him is driving me mad. I am not sure if i will stay long term. Been married 30 plus years and cannot imagine being without him. But he was not thinking of this when he did the crime! I am not angry just numb with what is happening.
Dee i understand. I think everyone needs to do what is right for them, but just because it is right does not make it hurt less. Well done on making a decision, it is one that I have yet to make. X
Dee i understand. I think everyone needs to do what is right for them, but just because it is right does not make it hurt less. Well done on making a decision, it is one that I have yet to make. X
So sorry you find yourself here. Hope you are doing ok. At first after the knock I just kept screaming inside my head I just want our life back. It was very difficult to even look at photographs. It does get easier as time goes on. That phrase used to really annoy me but it does get easier. Please look after yourself
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Hi Bitterbean,
I suppose I'm in that middle ground place. We live separately, see each other a couple of days a week, message and talk every day. At the moment the meeting up is mostly for him to have contact with our daughter but in time I hope we can meet up alone to have a relationship as a couple and go out with friends etc. There isn't any secrecy in our wider circles because the world and his dog know that we plan to work on our relationship. It is the best way for us right now. He lives with his parents and our daughter has never known us living together so I suppose there is less pressure on us to rush things. He has 3 and a half years left on sor and shpo so maybe we won't live together until after that xxx
I suppose I'm in that middle ground place. We live separately, see each other a couple of days a week, message and talk every day. At the moment the meeting up is mostly for him to have contact with our daughter but in time I hope we can meet up alone to have a relationship as a couple and go out with friends etc. There isn't any secrecy in our wider circles because the world and his dog know that we plan to work on our relationship. It is the best way for us right now. He lives with his parents and our daughter has never known us living together so I suppose there is less pressure on us to rush things. He has 3 and a half years left on sor and shpo so maybe we won't live together until after that xxx
I have spent the last 3 months since the knock crying about what I have lost and how much I miss everything about our relationship. I have come to realise that although I miss our lives together and our planned future, he wasn't the person I thought he was and I have been living a lie. I have read so many posts on here by women who are having to endure serious restrictions on their lives and hatred from strangers etc all because of the actions of their partners. I admire these women but I'm not one of them. I can't cope with porn addictions, viewing horrific images etc . I feel weak but it's just not for me and I've walked away even though I love him.
You're definitely not weak for walking away losteverything. I'm still undecided but I don't think i want him home, particularly not while the kids are under 18, it's not fair on them. Why should be make our lives more difficult so he can come home?! He wasn't thinking about us. I have no idea if we have a future but I think the same, that he isn't the man I thought he was.
Distressed and pregnant,
Thats useful, although the difficulty I already have is being pushed to choose between my partner Nd my family, and once it comes out, as it inevitably will, I suspect I will get the same from friends. Though I'm leaning towards separating, personally I don't want to cut him off as Im sure hell need support from me unless he can find support elsewhere. So I feel that the middle ground for me would be ostensibly living separate lives but on the quiet still seeing one another.
Thats useful, although the difficulty I already have is being pushed to choose between my partner Nd my family, and once it comes out, as it inevitably will, I suspect I will get the same from friends. Though I'm leaning towards separating, personally I don't want to cut him off as Im sure hell need support from me unless he can find support elsewhere. So I feel that the middle ground for me would be ostensibly living separate lives but on the quiet still seeing one another.
Undecided in no absolute way are you weak... You're a very strong woman in a terrible situation. You do whatever is in your heart and gut to. Do. You've you're whole life ahead of you
Xxx
Xxx
I too am in the middle ground. Partner comes every day after work to help me with newborn. Sometimes I forget he doesn't live here anymore and then when he leaves reality smacks me in the face again. I've wondered if I'm torturing myself seeing him so regularly, but I don't want him to get out of looking after our newborn baby, its bad enough that I can't leave him alone with her so I can nap or the fact I have to do every overnight by myself. The repercussions of these crimes are always harder on the family/partner than the offender and that's the reason I can't 100 percent say if I'll want the continue the relationship or not.
Thanks lady's
For me there is no decision to make he made that for me when he told me he doesn't love me anymore .6 weeks after the knock he got a girlfriend another kick in the stomach and recently found out he cheated on me few years ago I really did not know this man on top of that I feel low because I love my children and I know I'm a good mum but I feel bad I'm thinking about him when I should think of them and it's a hard one because you can't my sister says about our family when we love we love for life but I have told him how I feel about the way he's treated me prob won't sink in worried about himself to much but least it's of my chest and I feel better for it.
Thanks to all you wonderful lady's mums and partners I don't know what I would do without this group hugs x
For me there is no decision to make he made that for me when he told me he doesn't love me anymore .6 weeks after the knock he got a girlfriend another kick in the stomach and recently found out he cheated on me few years ago I really did not know this man on top of that I feel low because I love my children and I know I'm a good mum but I feel bad I'm thinking about him when I should think of them and it's a hard one because you can't my sister says about our family when we love we love for life but I have told him how I feel about the way he's treated me prob won't sink in worried about himself to much but least it's of my chest and I feel better for it.
Thanks to all you wonderful lady's mums and partners I don't know what I would do without this group hugs x
Dee,
Bless you and sending you lots of hugs x
Enjoy your lovely children and remember you are a fab mum.
With regards to your partner I know it hurts now but I think you've had a lucky escape. Put all your energy into you and your future now, don't worry about him.
You never know what's round the corner for you.... you could meet a lovely man who treats you with the respect you deserve xx
Bless you and sending you lots of hugs x
Enjoy your lovely children and remember you are a fab mum.
With regards to your partner I know it hurts now but I think you've had a lucky escape. Put all your energy into you and your future now, don't worry about him.
You never know what's round the corner for you.... you could meet a lovely man who treats you with the respect you deserve xx
Hi, we are a year down the line since the knock, post sentencing, he's back home and I'm still undecided! Some days I can put it to the back of my mind and some days I can't think of anything else. Take each day as it comes, no rash decisions and do what's best for you x
Hi jayjay for me there's so much to the story that I just can't get past for one this is the second time he has done it first time he got away with nfa that was 5 years ago friends of the family have seen him meet up with another woman a few years ago and I only recently found out he then went on to tell me he doesn't love me day after arrest then 6 weeks or so got new gf walking around with her in a town where everyone knows everyone didn't tell her either .that didn't work out because his work freinds know so he doesn't go out and she had enough of how he was behaving he just only thinks of himself I've never had a sorry and he never wants to talk .
I hope you get what you need it's hard to tell yourself you need more from someone yet you love the person you thought you knew kinda feel like your the mad one argueing with yourself all the time.
Hugs to you hope you get to where you need to be x
I hope you get what you need it's hard to tell yourself you need more from someone yet you love the person you thought you knew kinda feel like your the mad one argueing with yourself all the time.
Hugs to you hope you get to where you need to be x
Sorry me again to top it all of we've never had just a two relationship his parents are way over the top treat him like a kid wanted to know what we brough how much why rang us up every time they heard something have a go at him if they don't like something his step mum was supposed to be the one to take my son over to see him for few hours a week for 3 days supervise but she let us down by taking him over when the new woman was there claiming this was her new friend so now I have to supervise at his place it's just never ending my boy now hates school and my daughter has been on waiting list for asd she's finding it hard to understand we do get help for her but evenings are hard