In so much pain
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it's been 5 days since my partner was arrested for viewing images of underage teen girls.
I found out week ago that he was viewing a lot of porn, mostly pornhub for over a year. I never would have guessed, although he did seem very anxious when I was on his phone at times. How could he had hid that for so long?
Wednesday morning I found he had searched for underage teen porn over a year ago. Some things I've seen I'll never forget. Once I saw it, I sought advice and was asked if I would consider contacting the police. I spoke with my partner about this and he agreed we should call 101. He spoke to them but couldn't explain what he had done so I had to on his behalf - I want to add he and myself are both Autistic.
He hid it for over a year and never seemed guilty of anything.
We have a 2 year old together who spent a lot of time with him and hes has been raising my 9 year old for half her life.
I''m left with so many questions and the pain in unbearable. He was my carer and I was his. Things are unbearably hard.
When will this pain end? It's too much and affecting everything. Why do I want him back so much? But then I remember what he did and I don't know if I could trust him ever again.
I'm in so much pain. please someone help. My best friend, lover, my everything has gone and my life has been torn apart.
I found out week ago that he was viewing a lot of porn, mostly pornhub for over a year. I never would have guessed, although he did seem very anxious when I was on his phone at times. How could he had hid that for so long?
Wednesday morning I found he had searched for underage teen porn over a year ago. Some things I've seen I'll never forget. Once I saw it, I sought advice and was asked if I would consider contacting the police. I spoke with my partner about this and he agreed we should call 101. He spoke to them but couldn't explain what he had done so I had to on his behalf - I want to add he and myself are both Autistic.
He hid it for over a year and never seemed guilty of anything.
We have a 2 year old together who spent a lot of time with him and hes has been raising my 9 year old for half her life.
I''m left with so many questions and the pain in unbearable. He was my carer and I was his. Things are unbearably hard.
When will this pain end? It's too much and affecting everything. Why do I want him back so much? But then I remember what he did and I don't know if I could trust him ever again.
I'm in so much pain. please someone help. My best friend, lover, my everything has gone and my life has been torn apart.
You are not alone. Those feeling you feel are OK and we have all felt them.
Don't feel you have to make decisions straight away. There are many of us on here who have decided to support our partners and there are those who have left.
What is important right now is that you look after yourself. Phone the helpline if you would like to talk to someone and use this forum if it helps.
There are many of us on here who have experience on autism, 2 of my children are autistic.
This journey is a roller coaster but it gets easier to manage x
Don't feel you have to make decisions straight away. There are many of us on here who have decided to support our partners and there are those who have left.
What is important right now is that you look after yourself. Phone the helpline if you would like to talk to someone and use this forum if it helps.
There are many of us on here who have experience on autism, 2 of my children are autistic.
This journey is a roller coaster but it gets easier to manage x
AutisticMum everything you saying and feeling is normal and expected. We have all been there and it's so difficult to get your head round.
I keep asking myself how I could have not noticed a change. A change in him, our relationship etc. but the fact is they are good at hiding it. They know it's wrong no matter how many times they tell you about the addictions or that "dark hole".
The deceit is the worst for me. I thought I knew him. I thought (stupidly) we were soulmates. I don't believe there's truly any such thing as I don't believe or trust anyone anymore. If he can do that to me, to us, our family and our future then I have no faith in anyone for as long as I live. When they say things like; I didn't think, what they're really saying is they didn't actually care.
It is sad but very true.
You have support here and no one will judge. Sending hugs x
I keep asking myself how I could have not noticed a change. A change in him, our relationship etc. but the fact is they are good at hiding it. They know it's wrong no matter how many times they tell you about the addictions or that "dark hole".
The deceit is the worst for me. I thought I knew him. I thought (stupidly) we were soulmates. I don't believe there's truly any such thing as I don't believe or trust anyone anymore. If he can do that to me, to us, our family and our future then I have no faith in anyone for as long as I live. When they say things like; I didn't think, what they're really saying is they didn't actually care.
It is sad but very true.
You have support here and no one will judge. Sending hugs x
Rig22
I feel the same, mine was thoughtless, careless, stupid. Using that brain between his legs instead of the one in his head.
I feel the same, mine was thoughtless, careless, stupid. Using that brain between his legs instead of the one in his head.
I agree, 100%