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Trying to stay upbeat….it’s a struggle

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LilyRose84

Member since
October 2022

77 posts

Posted Mon October 31, 2022 9:28amReport post

So it's only been 6 weeks since the knock but I feel like I'm starting to go a bit crazy.
I can't stand the waiting and not knowing, my mind goes into overdrive and I just think the worst.
I've asked my partner to reach out to talk to people but as of yet he hasn't. I've been really supportive and because of that I feel like he thinks everything is okay and everything will be forgotten about. He seems to say the right things but as the saying goes, actions speak louder than words and he's doing nothing.
Am I being unreasonable? At the moment, unless anything else comes out (still waiting for forensics) I am willing to try to work through things and feel he owes me the decency to get help.



Its just an absolute living hell.
sorry to be so negative x

Pregnant and Overwhelmed

Member since
September 2022

43 posts

Posted Mon October 31, 2022 10:06amReport post

Just wanted to offer sympathy as im 7 weeks from the knock, 6 weeks from having a baby. I feel exactly the same, tortured by this 'limbo' I find myself in, knowing the outcome is likely to be months and months away

Confused&worried

Member since
June 2022

326 posts

Posted Mon October 31, 2022 11:24amReport post

One of the initial reason my OH sought help from a therapist from Stop SO, was because I told him it would look good at sentencing. Now that he goes he has found it so beneficial. Sometime a little manipulation can go a long way to help.

loulou74

Member since
September 2022

255 posts

Posted Mon October 31, 2022 2:18pmReport post

I think it can take a while for it all to sink in. It did with my husband. Initially, there was the denial that he was grooming, that he had no intention of meeting with underage girls, that it didn't mean anything, he knew everyone on the online chats was fake so didn't believe the "girls" were real - they weren't, they were decoys, but it took a while for him to realise what he had done was illegal, and he needed to address his behaviour. He was addicted to the chats. I think the turning point was the solicitor receiving the evidence and pointing it out to him - I don't know for sure as his solicitor told him not to discuss it with me, and he isn't great at communicating anyway, so I rarely get the full truth, just a sanitised version.


I think partly it's not wanting to admit that they are offenders, they want to protect themselves and bury their heads in the sand. My husband was initially convinced that it would just all go away, that it was all a big mistake.

Bitterbean

Member since
December 2021

634 posts

Posted Mon October 31, 2022 4:59pmReport post

Lilyrose84

I know my partner was I. Denial to start with and didnt want to get specialist legal advice rather than the duty solicitor. Didn't want to get counselling, even though it was obvious he needed it.

I'm finding it such a strain continuing to be supportive, it's hard supporting someone when you're hurting yourself and the person your supporting is the cause of the problem.

I guess today I'm feeling betrayed.