Family and Friends Forum

I think most of us can relate to this post. Trying to reconcile the person we love with the person who has committed these offences can drive us to insanity. My person has said that in the place he was in he didn't make the connection between real children and the things he was saying and seeing online. He is currently awaiting an assessment for his mental health (he has a lot of traits of autism and bipolar).
In some ways I think if he is diagnosed with anything it will be easier for me to compartmentalise this part of our life. Obviously there are no excuses for his behaviour and it will never sit well with me regardless of a diagnosis. I also feel some days like if we did get a diagnosis would that make it harder, knowing that he could completely switch (maybe not in the same way) further down the line. Everything about these crimes still terrifies me

I completely get what you are saying. My OH would switch the TV off if there was something about a sick or dying child on because it upset him so much.

I take some comfort (for want of a better word) that he was in the grips of drug addiction when he offended and believe that if he can remain clean, he is a very low risk of re-offending.

What I struggle with is the impact on the lives of me and my children as a result of him looking for sexual gratification. Basically our lives have been upended so that he could have a w@nk.

Sorry for the language.

I feel the same my oh is the quietest kindest man and scared of getting in trouble for the simplest of things. It's hard to imagine how his got here.



I also see it has his created all this to w@nk no help to any of us

I say this nearly daily at the moment. I hope your ok x

Scaredandconfused I didn't understand the last part of your reply to me, but I'm sorry if I offended you. It is just how I feel about the situation. X

I often think this - How could he have been so so stupid.

As someone has mentioned, many don't see that they are really children. There is a disjoint between what's happening on the phone and reality.

I h nt a clue why they do this. I said the w*** thing yoo like a cheap thrill? Men are so different us women too, they definitely have a outlook of things and can switch off then get caught down the rabbit hole. I ask myself nearly e ery day, has he always been attracted to teen girls? Is that just the reason it? I've asked him this 45 times. I'm still not sure what's true

Confused and worried. You haven't offended me I was agreeing that's how I see it too I think I worded it abit wrong as reading it back I can't make out what I've written. Sorry x

Sal I agree I've questioned my Husband a thousand times and his response is still the same he never saw it as children just porn until obviously now when the realisation of what his actually looked at as hit him and now feels completely disgusted in himself

Confused and worried no need to apologise for the language, in fact it has crystallised things a bit for me.

I've realised all those years we had when we were not having sex, he used the fact that he was not well as an excuse, well apparently he was well enough to be looking at porn online. It's so hurtful. I mean, technically he didn't lie about using porn, because I didn't ask him (because I didn't know), but it was deceitful.

I'm quite prepared to believe that he came across iioc by accident, but I think the problems between us started long before...