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You WILL get your life back, honestly. It will possibly have changed but try not to take everything on board at once. It's far too hard.
hug sent x
hug sent x
Skip you just have to keep on going even though sometimes you feel you are in a zombie state. I have been in this situation for over 2 years now, and somehow I have survived even though most of the time I don't know what to believe. My partner is. Onvinced on his innocence and that images found were accidental. I am inclined to believe him although I bear in mind other non offending partners have heard the same story only to hVd it shattered when all the evidence has been found.
.Also possessing images is an offence regardless and my partner is finding its very hard to prove you didn't know they were there.
You are stronger than you think, you have to draw on your own reserves and get through this. Yes your life has changed, it does to everyone who suffers a major trauma. You will be OK.
.Also possessing images is an offence regardless and my partner is finding its very hard to prove you didn't know they were there.
You are stronger than you think, you have to draw on your own reserves and get through this. Yes your life has changed, it does to everyone who suffers a major trauma. You will be OK.
Hey Skip,
I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. If that's the case then will forensics be able to pick this up? I'm not massively in the know with that side of things but I'm sure they can see which files(images) have been deleted and the dates and even how many times they've been viewed so could this not build a case for having been sent them and deleting them?
Even if your partner was given NFA, do you think you would still be able to go back to work? Would it be possible to find something else? I know it's easier said than done but I feel as though your work is also causing you distress.
It does get easier but the waiting is complete hell. I waited for 9 months to see what we really dealing with after the Police made out my partner was a total monster, gaslit me and bullied me in my own home and the waiting was horrendous. It was only because they pushed me so hard it made me question their agenda/morals or I may have not stuck around to find out. I didn't have the extra stress your work have put on you though so can't imagine how it feels for you. Xx
I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. If that's the case then will forensics be able to pick this up? I'm not massively in the know with that side of things but I'm sure they can see which files(images) have been deleted and the dates and even how many times they've been viewed so could this not build a case for having been sent them and deleting them?
Even if your partner was given NFA, do you think you would still be able to go back to work? Would it be possible to find something else? I know it's easier said than done but I feel as though your work is also causing you distress.
It does get easier but the waiting is complete hell. I waited for 9 months to see what we really dealing with after the Police made out my partner was a total monster, gaslit me and bullied me in my own home and the waiting was horrendous. It was only because they pushed me so hard it made me question their agenda/morals or I may have not stuck around to find out. I didn't have the extra stress your work have put on you though so can't imagine how it feels for you. Xx
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My oh is making a,b,c they basically said they don't even know where they've come from if they was viewed downloaded or unknowingly downloaded so I wouldn't hold out much hope I'm afraid.
Skip you can only take one day at a time. Most of this is out of our control and to survive this horrific situation we have to calm our minds. My person is at Crown today. I've walked to the shops and my self talk has been 'don't worry about what you can't control'. Every time my mind wanders today this is what I will repeat.
That said I have increased my antidepressants which has certainly helped calm my 'thoughts' too.
Sending you strength. You are not alone. Everything you feel is valid and shared x
That said I have increased my antidepressants which has certainly helped calm my 'thoughts' too.
Sending you strength. You are not alone. Everything you feel is valid and shared x
Skip01, I have read your posts and feel so so much for you. Dealing with this situation is so traumatic, but to have the added concern about your work must feel overwhelming. Can you talk to someone in your organisation regarding the pressure on your mental health, a councillor maybe. I do feel it is totally unacceptable on a human level to force you to give up your job in order to talk to you partner and find the answers to your many questions.
I try to look for positives in situations, and maybe in the future, you will find yourself influencing change within the police which, whilst it won't help you, will help others that WILL follow. No great comfort in these early days, but I have found that trying to influence change has helped in my healing, and as you say, only those that have lived this know the injustices of this particular crime. Our justice system is supposed to treat people as innocent until proven guilty, and recognise ALL victims, primary and secondary, that deserve support, not to deal with them as acceptable collateral damge. I have tried, without success, to talk to my Police Commissioner, about the impact on us innocents in this, maybe someone in the force stands a better chance.
However, please, at this time, look after yourself well, and put your needs first. Do whatever you need to do, be selfish. Let the emotions out in whatever way you can...we stand with you. xxxx
I try to look for positives in situations, and maybe in the future, you will find yourself influencing change within the police which, whilst it won't help you, will help others that WILL follow. No great comfort in these early days, but I have found that trying to influence change has helped in my healing, and as you say, only those that have lived this know the injustices of this particular crime. Our justice system is supposed to treat people as innocent until proven guilty, and recognise ALL victims, primary and secondary, that deserve support, not to deal with them as acceptable collateral damge. I have tried, without success, to talk to my Police Commissioner, about the impact on us innocents in this, maybe someone in the force stands a better chance.
However, please, at this time, look after yourself well, and put your needs first. Do whatever you need to do, be selfish. Let the emotions out in whatever way you can...we stand with you. xxxx
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Skip,
I'm sorry you got that treatment too, in a sense I can understand why they need to make people understand the seriousness of the matter but I don't see how they can say some of the things they do, especially based off the evidence they have - in my case it was blatant lies and manipulation, I don't have kids so it makes no odds at all yet they tried to turn me against him. Finances are an extremely important factor in decisions and I completely understand. Can you stay off sick for a few months whilst you put together a plan to move on? I get the feeling there may be other issues around work - is there any grounds to get a settlement due to illness caused by work and leave?
It's really difficult dealing with all of this as well as trying to navigate huge things like a career change but I'm sure you have many qualities which would be welcomed in another line of work and there are some jobs out there which pay well and you don't necessarily need vast amounts of experience. The government are offering free digital bootcamps for training in various things on the gov.uk website which may be of interest. There's lots of things you can do so please don't feel trapped. Xx
I'm sorry you got that treatment too, in a sense I can understand why they need to make people understand the seriousness of the matter but I don't see how they can say some of the things they do, especially based off the evidence they have - in my case it was blatant lies and manipulation, I don't have kids so it makes no odds at all yet they tried to turn me against him. Finances are an extremely important factor in decisions and I completely understand. Can you stay off sick for a few months whilst you put together a plan to move on? I get the feeling there may be other issues around work - is there any grounds to get a settlement due to illness caused by work and leave?
It's really difficult dealing with all of this as well as trying to navigate huge things like a career change but I'm sure you have many qualities which would be welcomed in another line of work and there are some jobs out there which pay well and you don't necessarily need vast amounts of experience. The government are offering free digital bootcamps for training in various things on the gov.uk website which may be of interest. There's lots of things you can do so please don't feel trapped. Xx
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