Family and Friends Forum

Jayjay

Member since
December 2021

695 posts

Posted Mon November 7, 2022 11:41pmReport post

Has anyone been diagnosed with ptsd since the knock?
or have any experience of it in general?
what helps what doesn't? What help is available?
I've gone from rarely crying to crying all day everyday, have spent days in bed just lately trying to block the last year out.

I obsessively worry about something bad happening to my children or parents.
every night I go to bed I think about the house being tidy enough if we were to get a visit as the house was untidy the morning of the knock, if I've washed my hair and if I pjs are decent, stupid things like that.
im filled with sadness what me and the kids went through and how telling them broke their heart. I'm have a counsellor but I don't think it's helping x

Xxx

Member since
March 2022

439 posts

Posted Tue November 8, 2022 1:31amReport post

:( I can't help but I'm the same . Im lost broken . And when I go to sleep or wake I think is it tidy for somone knocking on the door xxx

Loulou22

Member since
October 2022

50 posts

Posted Tue November 8, 2022 1:52amReport post

One of the most ridiculous things I cannot believe my head was focussing on was that my house was not as clean as I would have made it had I known we were expecting visitors. I even apologised to the police officers about the dust, as they were pulling out computers etc. how messed up is that?

Loulou22

Member since
October 2022

50 posts

Posted Tue November 8, 2022 1:57amReport post

Jayjay

im so sorry you are struggling so much at this time. Do you have a good relationship with your gp? If not, are there other therapeutic relationships you can reconnect with? Sending big hugs xxxx

loulou74

Member since
September 2022

255 posts

Posted Tue November 8, 2022 5:01amReport post

Hi Jayjay,

There is a post on here on PTSD resources under LFF Posts.

I feel the same, I've gone from coping to a mess since husband convicted and we've still got sentencing to come. I think the anger propelled me through the first couple of months. I've requested a therapist from StopSO as I'm hoping talking about it will gelp.

Things you could try are meditation, contacting GP for support, contacting Stopitnow helpline, a friend swears by standing at the top of a hill and screaming. How long have you been seeing the counsellor? It can take a while or you may need to see someone else if you find it's not working. Don't feel you have to stick with one person, there are lots of therapists out there and all different, you may find a different person more effective.

Daffodil

Member since
March 2022

965 posts

Posted Tue November 8, 2022 6:21amReport post

Post deleted


Edited Tue October 24, 2023 9:12am

BaffledB

Member since
July 2021

876 posts

Posted Tue November 8, 2022 8:53amReport post

Jayjay,

I really do sympathise with you. I know many people have had the strength to go the GP but I just can't. I find myself panicked, sometimes cry when there's an unexpected knock or too much noise, constantly obsess about risks of offending and think about it everyday. I am currently buying so much stuff, almost like a shopping addiction and I know it's because of all of this, like a boost of serotonin or making the most of disposable income as maybe next month I may be paying all the bills by myself if God forbid the worst happens.

I have suspected for a long time I may be neurodivergent but I can't go for an assessment as trauma can be similar to traits of neurodivergency so going and not being open about my trauma would potentially hinder an assessment. I feel like I'm just in survival mode at the moment and I'm actually extremely concerned about what might happen should the worst happen, I feel I may crack as I've had very little support but I'm trying to be positive.

I wish there were specified health professionals we could access away from our GP.

skip01

Member since
September 2022

18 posts

Posted Tue November 8, 2022 9:30amReport post

Jayjay

I feel the same, the experinece is one you never forget, i stay in bed trawling this forum or trying to watch TV, i am still in the eraly days but if i get a knock at the door i have a full panic attack i cannot answer it - my heart races i feel faint the reaction is immense like something i have never felt before. I too apologised to the police for my home although it was fairly tidy - they were also my colleagues (although i didn't know most of them) the shame and guilt i feel is overwhelming. I spend every day in bed atm unless i have my children, my OH has moved out and i am not allowed contact like you it feels like i am broken with no repair insight.

I don't really have any answers for you i am afraid otherthan what you are feeling is i believe how most of us feel, you are not alone and you should not feel like you have to be. Please try and reach out to the GP as hard as that may be they will help you are not a part of this activitiy you are a victim like us all and i know i feel shame and guilt but we need to try and not let that us seek help that we need.

sending hugs your way

Bluebellblue

Member since
September 2022

27 posts

Posted Tue November 8, 2022 11:25amReport post

Post deleted


Edited Thu November 9, 2023 10:45am

Lucy from Stop it Now!

Member since
September 2018

481 posts

Posted Tue November 8, 2022 12:10pmReport post

We thought it would be helpful to add the link to our PTSD thread as mentioned earlier:

https://get-help.stopitnow.org.uk/family-and-friends/family-and-friends-forum/topic/3807


Take Care

The Forum Team

Edited Tue November 8, 2022 12:11pm

Seaside

Member since
July 2022

558 posts

Posted Tue November 8, 2022 2:08pmReport post

I have PTSD from the knock and the appalling way I was treated by the Police.

I have flashbacks and nightmares and am petrified by any knock on the door or seeing a police car even on TV ( and my god there are so many programmes about the police)

I feel anxious all the time , cry continuously and not a day goes by when I don't think about ending it all because this pain is too much to bear .

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2385 posts

Posted Tue November 8, 2022 4:01pmReport post

Afternoon all,

I think each and everyone of us can resonate with those awful feelings from having the knock (a word I never really thought of before this journey)

Our emotions are on another level and there is no right or wrong way to deal with them as this such an horrendous situation to be in

Speaking to your GP is important as is the other advice given x

Seaside I have been where you have and wanted to give up as I could not see any way of getting through this but if I gave up who would be there for my son (offender) and my 2 other young adult children, I get through each day, I cant control what is out of my hands but I can and have gotten this far , my life now is so different to how it was 2 years ago and I am learning to live with each day, you are stronger than you could ever believe so please take time just to get through each day xx

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2538 posts

Posted Tue November 8, 2022 4:18pmReport post

Yes Upset, v true.

I think you have to accept the 'blips' as they come along, don't wear yourself out wishing your life was back to how it was, again I use the word acceptance. Not easy to put into practice tho!

Im just over two years into the jouney with a horrible remember date tomorrow (so a little sensitive today).
I was just looking out the window, remembering how my son use to ring and ask 'what's for tea?' on his way back from work. I use to look out for him walking up the street - how id do anything for those days back! I found myself in tears...... yet again....

Its is such a sad journey but I'm convinced it will get better..... x

Edited Tue November 8, 2022 4:30pm

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2538 posts

Posted Tue November 8, 2022 4:18pmReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Tue November 8, 2022 4:18pm

Seaside

Member since
July 2022

558 posts

Posted Tue November 8, 2022 4:44pmReport post

Aahhh Smile and Upset you are both such incredible people.

Sending you both so much love

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2538 posts

Posted Tue November 8, 2022 4:52pmReport post

Hi Seaside....... we are ALL special x

returning the love sent x

Edited Tue November 8, 2022 4:53pm

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2385 posts

Posted Tue November 8, 2022 4:57pmReport post

Hugs sent Smile, I can just picture the same vision you have shared,

Those dates are always an awful reminder so totally understand the tears x

Love sent my dear friend xx

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2538 posts

Posted Tue November 8, 2022 5:14pmReport post

Just hate those bloody dates!

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2385 posts

Posted Tue November 8, 2022 5:21pmReport post

Definitely understand Smile x

Polly Pocket

Member since
May 2022

440 posts

Posted Tue November 8, 2022 5:33pmReport post

I think we all resonate with the same feelings.

I am certainly damaged and also have PTSD with paranoia.

I'm getting as much help as I can.

The offenders are almost expected to feel suicidal, but I wonder how many of us are also in that bracket.

Take care, wonderful ladies x x x

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2538 posts

Posted Tue November 8, 2022 7:17pmReport post

Being honest here. If I were forced into a corner of abandoning my son - My life would be unbearable and I'd be in that bracket.

Edited Tue November 8, 2022 7:18pm

Jayjay

Member since
December 2021

695 posts

Posted Tue November 8, 2022 9:52pmReport post

I'm on medication from my GP for depression and anxiety.

Baffled - I didn't tell him what's happened, I didnt want the words 'living with a SO' on my records - I realise that may sound stupid because it may well be anyway from SS who knows? I couldnt bring myself to tell him.
Instead I said I had relationship, social and family problems and going through a really bad time. I can also send e-consultations to my gp surgery on the nhs website or gp website so I don't actually need to say those words it's easier for me to write them down so the gp knows why he's calling me.

I've rang the helpline but that's more for just listening, I get sick of talking about what's happened I wish it would disappear. I've been seeing counsellor for 4 weeks so hopefully some progress to come?

I know some self care, good diet and exercise will help a lot but it's a viscous circle when you're tired, sad, depressed and I need a kick up the butt.

I will try meditation etc Daffodil, I have tried breathing exercises then my erratic thoughts take over and I can't control them. Actually maybe the old hippy life would be good for us :)

I did not think I'd be on this forum post sentencing, partner home and SW gone but I need it more than ever. Thank you ladies x

Edited Tue November 8, 2022 9:53pm