So fed up
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Hey all,
hope you're all ok.
Sorry to moan but I have to reach out as I feel like starting to slip into a depression and I have my job and my children I need to be strong for.
OH has been invited back for a second interview and I just feel absolutely sick. He's adamant they won't find anything else on his phone but god only knows.
I've been quite strong the past few weeks and tried to help him/ support him etc but I think the reality is setting in of the lies and how the trust is now gone, loves changed forever and I'm so angry. I don't want to have anything to do with him because of all the hurt he's caused. I've had to tell my employer as I work in a school, I've had social svs all over me quizzing me on if police didn't find enough to convict him what would I do, would I have him back and this could affect my job.
I'm now stuck sorting all the kids and their clubs out, the house, my job all while trying to act normal. I'm so tired every single day, my stomach is in knots. He's sorry and remorseful but i can't get past the anger.
We've been lucky as in we've managed to contain it but I literally won't be able to cope if it gets out.
how on earth do we get through this and come out the other end?!
Are the courses worthwhile? Has anyone found them useful.
Sending love and strength to all of you. X
hope you're all ok.
Sorry to moan but I have to reach out as I feel like starting to slip into a depression and I have my job and my children I need to be strong for.
OH has been invited back for a second interview and I just feel absolutely sick. He's adamant they won't find anything else on his phone but god only knows.
I've been quite strong the past few weeks and tried to help him/ support him etc but I think the reality is setting in of the lies and how the trust is now gone, loves changed forever and I'm so angry. I don't want to have anything to do with him because of all the hurt he's caused. I've had to tell my employer as I work in a school, I've had social svs all over me quizzing me on if police didn't find enough to convict him what would I do, would I have him back and this could affect my job.
I'm now stuck sorting all the kids and their clubs out, the house, my job all while trying to act normal. I'm so tired every single day, my stomach is in knots. He's sorry and remorseful but i can't get past the anger.
We've been lucky as in we've managed to contain it but I literally won't be able to cope if it gets out.
how on earth do we get through this and come out the other end?!
Are the courses worthwhile? Has anyone found them useful.
Sending love and strength to all of you. X
LilyRose84,
I cant imagine how difficult it is for you having to juggle everything on your own.
Your feelings are normal so try not to put even more pressure on yourself., have you spoke to your GP?
Maybe reach out to the helpline and I know there are other support groups Safer lives been one of them, but I am sure others on here with children can offer more advice,
You are not alone and this is one of the best places to be able to open up and let your feelings out as we all understand what you are going through
Sending strength and hugs xx
I cant imagine how difficult it is for you having to juggle everything on your own.
Your feelings are normal so try not to put even more pressure on yourself., have you spoke to your GP?
Maybe reach out to the helpline and I know there are other support groups Safer lives been one of them, but I am sure others on here with children can offer more advice,
You are not alone and this is one of the best places to be able to open up and let your feelings out as we all understand what you are going through
Sending strength and hugs xx
Hi,
How have your employers been with you? Have they given any indication as to the future? It's not for ss to try and scare you about your job. They drive me insane with their bullying tactics. It's so they can get an easy life and that isn't fair on the families caught up in these situations. I did the inform course for family and friends and found it very informative. It also worked in my favour with ss and the fact that my person had completed the engage plus course (his conviction is communication). I also looked up how ss are supposed to do their assessments on my local authorities childrens services page. It said they take a holistic approach and don't just look at the presenting issue. Also strengths based so weighing up risk with protective factors. If you don't want to make any decisions just now that is your choice. My case is now closed with me supervising anywhere I choose and with no time restrictions. They have asked that we go back when/if he moves back in. In our case this won't be for years yet so unsure if that's why they agreed to me supervising anywhere. Sending love xxx
How have your employers been with you? Have they given any indication as to the future? It's not for ss to try and scare you about your job. They drive me insane with their bullying tactics. It's so they can get an easy life and that isn't fair on the families caught up in these situations. I did the inform course for family and friends and found it very informative. It also worked in my favour with ss and the fact that my person had completed the engage plus course (his conviction is communication). I also looked up how ss are supposed to do their assessments on my local authorities childrens services page. It said they take a holistic approach and don't just look at the presenting issue. Also strengths based so weighing up risk with protective factors. If you don't want to make any decisions just now that is your choice. My case is now closed with me supervising anywhere I choose and with no time restrictions. They have asked that we go back when/if he moves back in. In our case this won't be for years yet so unsure if that's why they agreed to me supervising anywhere. Sending love xxx
Thank you both for your replies. I think I am going to have to go to the GP as I can feel myself literally going over the edge.
my boss has been ok as such, she knows what's happened but I think she's just more concerned that I'm turning up to work every day. Which I have done ever since it happened (god knows how!)
She said LADO will be in contact with her if they have any concerns (I work in a school) and they haven't as of yet. SS said if I take him back at any point or have him living at the house then they'll have to go to LADO then so I feel like I have no choice in the matter. not that I've made any decisions at all. I'm supporting him to get help for my sons sake mostly.
I just want to disappear from everyone and now we'll be coming up to Christmas I'm absolutely dreading it.
I have encouraged my OH ti do the engage course (his is for communication) and he said he will but I think I will look for me too. It's just so tiring keeping a brave face on everyday and the worry of what could come.
xx
my boss has been ok as such, she knows what's happened but I think she's just more concerned that I'm turning up to work every day. Which I have done ever since it happened (god knows how!)
She said LADO will be in contact with her if they have any concerns (I work in a school) and they haven't as of yet. SS said if I take him back at any point or have him living at the house then they'll have to go to LADO then so I feel like I have no choice in the matter. not that I've made any decisions at all. I'm supporting him to get help for my sons sake mostly.
I just want to disappear from everyone and now we'll be coming up to Christmas I'm absolutely dreading it.
I have encouraged my OH ti do the engage course (his is for communication) and he said he will but I think I will look for me too. It's just so tiring keeping a brave face on everyday and the worry of what could come.
xx
Hi Lily,
please don't apologise it's what we here for. I've been exactly where you are.
best advice I can give is don't make any decisions yet, if people are pressuring you just say I'm not in a position to make any decisions yet and I won't be pressured either way.
Deal with one thing at a time, concentrate on you and the kids. It's hard becoming a single working mother and dealing with all this too. Definitely seek some therapy (StopSo can help) speak to you GP if you feel like medication with help. I wish I'd done the inform plus for partners sooner as i did it a bit too late, definitely worthwhile and I met some friends for life on there.
we are post sentencing and I'm still so angry and don't know if we ever will recover but have started to give it a go.
hugs x
please don't apologise it's what we here for. I've been exactly where you are.
best advice I can give is don't make any decisions yet, if people are pressuring you just say I'm not in a position to make any decisions yet and I won't be pressured either way.
Deal with one thing at a time, concentrate on you and the kids. It's hard becoming a single working mother and dealing with all this too. Definitely seek some therapy (StopSo can help) speak to you GP if you feel like medication with help. I wish I'd done the inform plus for partners sooner as i did it a bit too late, definitely worthwhile and I met some friends for life on there.
we are post sentencing and I'm still so angry and don't know if we ever will recover but have started to give it a go.
hugs x
Hi Jayjay
thanks for the reply. I've had a good cry tonight and feel a bit better. I'm definitely going to do the course as soon as I can. I've spoken to my OH aswell and he told me about some books that had been recommended for him aswell so I might try them, to give me a better understanding of it all.
You're absolutely right, there's no way I can even begin to make a decision right now and I think I've been putting too much pressure on myself. Everything seems so uncertain now and I don't like that feeling but guess I'm just going have to roll with it for the time being. I'm sure I'll be back on here to have another rant at some point.
I hope you manage to work through things with your OH. It does give me hope there is a way through xxx
thanks for the reply. I've had a good cry tonight and feel a bit better. I'm definitely going to do the course as soon as I can. I've spoken to my OH aswell and he told me about some books that had been recommended for him aswell so I might try them, to give me a better understanding of it all.
You're absolutely right, there's no way I can even begin to make a decision right now and I think I've been putting too much pressure on myself. Everything seems so uncertain now and I don't like that feeling but guess I'm just going have to roll with it for the time being. I'm sure I'll be back on here to have another rant at some point.
I hope you manage to work through things with your OH. It does give me hope there is a way through xxx