Family and Friends Forum

It's such an isolating position we are all in. I gjt all these feelings a few days ago. My person will always talk to me but I feel guilty bringing it up, but he says he needs to hear it. Its so unfair we have to suffer so much because of something he's done, I don't see why you can see your grandchild it's very unfair you're innocent and I dread what my friends family etc will feel if our case ever gets out. Ring the helpline, talk to someone let it all out, I feel a good cry helps and some self care, even if it's just a bubble bath, or visit a friend, have a bit of craic, think about something ejse for a whole and give your brain a wee break. Big hugs xxx

A very wise friend said to me this morning, you have to do what is right for you. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks, may say or how they may react. She said it needs to be whatever you feel is right. Don't stay in a relationship because you think it is the right thing to do.

We do bear more than our fair share of the heartbreak in these awful situations. I don't know what the answer is, I'm still finding my way, but I resent my husband for what my life currently is and how the future looks, so I understand how you feel.

Is there no way your child's partner will let you see your grandchild if you go on your own, supervised by them? It seems an overreaction on their part to exclude you totally.

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Aaahh Bitterbean I feel so much for you.

This is such a hard journey and sometimes it is just overwhelming.

Sending you lots of love and strength-you are not alone xx

Ahh Bitterbean

It is so justifiable to have these feelings, days you can cope and days where it all seems to much

No one only yourself will know what to do when the time is right

We as women always look to be the strong ones and this journey certainly tests us all

You will get there and like the others have said can you not get to see your family and grandchild on your own?

Sending strength and hugs xx

Bitterbean I'm in a similar situation with our grandson. He used to stay with us for the weekend every other week and he loved his time here as much as we loved having him. His Mum and Dad (our younger son) won't agree to him coming here now if our eldest son is here (he lives here and rarely goes anywhere as v isolated) but we are allowed to take him out. Surely you could do the same; you are an innocent party in all of this and your grandchild will be missing you xx

Bitterbean,

I really feel for you because I am in a similar place.
I love my partner but I have chosen not to be with him. 3 main reasons;

1. I can't accept what he's done

2. like you I was shocked to discover that he watches porn regularly . I'm not a prude but it just feels very seedy.

3. My adult children are furious and as you said they take any verbal support from me to my partner as a betrayal and like I'm rubbing their noses in it. If we'd stayed together my grandchild would not be allowed in my house etc. I totally understand this and if I was in their position I wouldn't put my children at risk.

I've soon realised that if I want a close relationship with my children and grandchildren then I can't stay with my partner. I love him but he's done this to us and although it's excruciating I will always put my children first. They are my life and have never betrayed me like my ex partner has.



Everything is so hard isn't it? How I long for the days when I just moaned about him not putting the rubbish out!!!

Goodness, your posts resignate with me more than any that have been aired on the forum.....

It's very hard and painful.... until your here on this journey, you just don't realise all the heartbreak caused by these crimes and how it affects other innocent family members / friends.

If only families could sit and work things out (there's always a way) and not dish out angry ultimations that can destroy lives.

V true Bitterbean - I have felt tarnished by my sons crime on many occasions - it's so so unfair......

Oh this all sounds very familiar. Life seems so cruel sometimes. The far reaching effects on family members is just phenomenal. My family blew apart last Easter when my 24 yr old Autistic son was stung by vigilantes who caused a scene at our home . We are like others , stuck in limbo land waiting to hear what is going to happen . Bail conditions dropped and now Rui . 2 other adult sons and wives didn't want my grandchildren anywhere near our home and didn't want contact with their brother . It's broken my heart . After the initial shock, I decided not to update them and not discuss the situation with them , I was distraught. Now, they seem to be softening a bit in their attitude but I dont hold my breath these days. Words just fail me as to this terrible situation , I just can't believe we are in it !

Your post is deleted but hope you feel better soon. Its a very hard road xx

Bitterbean

Hugs sent xx