Feeling let down and disappointed
Notifications OFF
After we had the knock I told a very close friend what had happened- obviously they were shocked but assured me that they were supportive of me.
I emphasised at the time and several times subsequently that I would completely understand if they wanted to walk away and that I had valued their friendship and was again assured of their support.
Anyway I asked earlier this week if they would be prepared to write a character reference for my person and was then told that they were not going to do this.
This is someone who has known my person for over 30 years and who I have supported through a number of serious problems.
Of course I respect this decision but can't help feeling very hurt and let down by them.
This journey is so very hard
I emphasised at the time and several times subsequently that I would completely understand if they wanted to walk away and that I had valued their friendship and was again assured of their support.
Anyway I asked earlier this week if they would be prepared to write a character reference for my person and was then told that they were not going to do this.
This is someone who has known my person for over 30 years and who I have supported through a number of serious problems.
Of course I respect this decision but can't help feeling very hurt and let down by them.
This journey is so very hard
Seaside
Totally understand how you feel x
My sons best friends turned their back on him but we have to respect there decision to do so
They knew and loved him for 14 years and it's all gone
I know how much that hurt him :-(
I understand completely but I just wish they could remember him before this
Me and my daughter did a referance for him and the judge acknowledge that in court
It's a crappy journey we are all on but we do cope as hard as it is
Hugs xx
Totally understand how you feel x
My sons best friends turned their back on him but we have to respect there decision to do so
They knew and loved him for 14 years and it's all gone
I know how much that hurt him :-(
I understand completely but I just wish they could remember him before this
Me and my daughter did a referance for him and the judge acknowledge that in court
It's a crappy journey we are all on but we do cope as hard as it is
Hugs xx
Thanks Upset hugs sent to you too.
Yes it really does hurt especially as this friend knows the struggles my son has had over many years and the real person behind what he's done.
I guess you find out who is there for you on this journey don't you ?
Yes it really does hurt especially as this friend knows the struggles my son has had over many years and the real person behind what he's done.
I guess you find out who is there for you on this journey don't you ?
We do indeed hun x
You been there for your son outweighs anything in this world
Try not to let it upset you honestly you have enough to cope with
People that are not in this situation really do not understand what it is like , that's why this forum is so important as you will only ever receive support xx
How is your son?
You been there for your son outweighs anything in this world
Try not to let it upset you honestly you have enough to cope with
People that are not in this situation really do not understand what it is like , that's why this forum is so important as you will only ever receive support xx
How is your son?
So true - it hurts SO much that the previous personality of a person just evaporates and they just see the crime.
I soon learnt to respect others views and move on - it's just SO exhausting to take it all on board and no good for your sanity!
I soon learnt to respect others views and move on - it's just SO exhausting to take it all on board and no good for your sanity!
Seaside
I an totally understand your disappointment. I blame the media for the way they demonise offenders and normalise their rejection by not only the general public, but friends and family. Its not the way a civilised society should operate.
I an totally understand your disappointment. I blame the media for the way they demonise offenders and normalise their rejection by not only the general public, but friends and family. Its not the way a civilised society should operate.
Upset, Smile and Bitterbean,
thank you all for your wise words-I think the main reason I am feeling so upset is because I know that this friend has supported someone else ( who I don't know personally) who committed far more serious offences so this feels like a direct rejection of both myself and my son.
I have only told 2 people and nobody in my family knows anything at all so it's very difficult having to carry this on my own but I will support my son until my last breath.
thank you all for your wise words-I think the main reason I am feeling so upset is because I know that this friend has supported someone else ( who I don't know personally) who committed far more serious offences so this feels like a direct rejection of both myself and my son.
I have only told 2 people and nobody in my family knows anything at all so it's very difficult having to carry this on my own but I will support my son until my last breath.
I understand Seaside.
Same happened with our ex friends. Refused character reference, said they would be supportive, then turned their backs on me when I needed them.
I think they said they were supportive to 'get the gossip' then once they had it they told more of our 'friends' out of pure spite who also turned their backs on me / us.
I don't know how many times I've said I just feel so let down by people.
Even certain family members, I thought they've be there for me at the very least, we haven't done anything wrong!
Same happened with our ex friends. Refused character reference, said they would be supportive, then turned their backs on me when I needed them.
I think they said they were supportive to 'get the gossip' then once they had it they told more of our 'friends' out of pure spite who also turned their backs on me / us.
I don't know how many times I've said I just feel so let down by people.
Even certain family members, I thought they've be there for me at the very least, we haven't done anything wrong!
Hi Seaside
I can sort of understand how your friend wants to support you but isn't comfortable writing a character reference. They may be so horrified by the nature of the charges ( and aren't we all?) that they don't think they can do this. Or possibly they don't want their name associated with the court case and are scared it will hit the media.
Supporting you is different than helping him. I have a few close friends who have supported me unbelievably but I don't think they would have supported him (we're not together so it never arose).
Have you asked your friend for their reasons? It seems awful to loose a friend when you need all the support you can get.
Xx
I can sort of understand how your friend wants to support you but isn't comfortable writing a character reference. They may be so horrified by the nature of the charges ( and aren't we all?) that they don't think they can do this. Or possibly they don't want their name associated with the court case and are scared it will hit the media.
Supporting you is different than helping him. I have a few close friends who have supported me unbelievably but I don't think they would have supported him (we're not together so it never arose).
Have you asked your friend for their reasons? It seems awful to loose a friend when you need all the support you can get.
Xx
Losing friends is so hard. A close friend of 30+ years turned her back on me. My OH was arrested and sentenced in three weeks. After the first week my ex friend said she would support me but not him. This i understood. But a few days later bedore he was sentenced she said she did not want anything to do with me as i was talking to him and she could not cope with that. I was talking to him as he was on remand and i needed to pay bills with money in his name! She deserted not just me but my kids who are in their 20s but were really close to her. I just could not believe this and have found things very hard without this true( or so i thought) friend. When i and my kids needed her the most she bailed on us.
i did read somewhere that if you wrote a charactor reference you could be called to give evidence in the case. Perhaps that was the reason.
i did read somewhere that if you wrote a charactor reference you could be called to give evidence in the case. Perhaps that was the reason.