And he lied.
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EA it's so unfair that partners still continue to hold back the truth. I fear the same. I'm constantly asking if there is more but he insists he's told me everything. He's lied so brilliantly before so maybe he's lying now too. I often feel like a fool for standing by him and fear that if there's more then I'll be back to square one but worse because all the while I stand by him, I'm not putting myself first and moving on with my life.
It's so cruel.
sending hugs x
It's so cruel.
sending hugs x
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I really truly hope your people are not lying to either of you. Not everyone is... unfortunately mine is. I shouldn't be shocked he always have been.
EA and Rig22 my advice would be now to take nothing for granted. I had hoped my husband was telling me the truth since his arrest but obviously after the knock the trust is broken. I always said to him that if he wanted my support and a future with us after all this then he must give his solicitor permission to give me full disclosure or I walk away. If he has nothing more to hide then this shouldn't be an issue.
I explained to him I was put through so much already with the knock that the least I deserve is the truth but that I need to hear it from the solicitor now instead of him. So I sat next to my husband on the couch as he phoned the solicitor on speaker phone to book an appointment and heard him ask solicitor if I could come to the meeting and have full disclosure.
At the start of the first meeting the solicitor asked my husband again if he gives permission to let me know all the details before we continue the appointment. I was sitting there and my husband said yes he wanted me to know everything. I thought ok good...knowledge is power. Better to know than to be blindsided.
After this I went to all meetings. I asked the solicitor if there was any communication because I couldn't trust my husband. There wasn't communication but that's beside the point. The point was the solicitor basically confirmed what my husband told me and that gave me more reassurance.
I went to the solicitors office with hubby the day the evidence reports came back from Forensics so I was crystal clear in my own tired head. I think this is very important if you have children together. It's better to show you know exactly what you're dealing with and not being fobbed off by partners. It shows aswel that you are facing this head on and not burying your head hoping its all a mistake or not as bad as your partner says. Knowledge is power! If you can't meet the solicitor in person then phone or email him yourself after husband gives permission to solicitor.
Try to be present at the plea hearing if you can. Basically don't be left out of the loop at any stage. If you are at the court then you will hear and see exactly how this is progressing and you won't have any doubts about what your partner is telling you. It's normal apparently for offenders to play this down due to shame and fear and also because they genuinely might be struggling to process all this aswel. And of course perhaps lying.
Now my husband has just started his custodial and I am able to phone and email his solicitor and ask what happens next. The solicitor has met me at the office, at the plea hearing and at the sentencing. It's very comforting to still be in the loop with the solicitor and work out where we go from here xx
I explained to him I was put through so much already with the knock that the least I deserve is the truth but that I need to hear it from the solicitor now instead of him. So I sat next to my husband on the couch as he phoned the solicitor on speaker phone to book an appointment and heard him ask solicitor if I could come to the meeting and have full disclosure.
At the start of the first meeting the solicitor asked my husband again if he gives permission to let me know all the details before we continue the appointment. I was sitting there and my husband said yes he wanted me to know everything. I thought ok good...knowledge is power. Better to know than to be blindsided.
After this I went to all meetings. I asked the solicitor if there was any communication because I couldn't trust my husband. There wasn't communication but that's beside the point. The point was the solicitor basically confirmed what my husband told me and that gave me more reassurance.
I went to the solicitors office with hubby the day the evidence reports came back from Forensics so I was crystal clear in my own tired head. I think this is very important if you have children together. It's better to show you know exactly what you're dealing with and not being fobbed off by partners. It shows aswel that you are facing this head on and not burying your head hoping its all a mistake or not as bad as your partner says. Knowledge is power! If you can't meet the solicitor in person then phone or email him yourself after husband gives permission to solicitor.
Try to be present at the plea hearing if you can. Basically don't be left out of the loop at any stage. If you are at the court then you will hear and see exactly how this is progressing and you won't have any doubts about what your partner is telling you. It's normal apparently for offenders to play this down due to shame and fear and also because they genuinely might be struggling to process all this aswel. And of course perhaps lying.
Now my husband has just started his custodial and I am able to phone and email his solicitor and ask what happens next. The solicitor has met me at the office, at the plea hearing and at the sentencing. It's very comforting to still be in the loop with the solicitor and work out where we go from here xx
Christmas chaos this is helpful, I haven't spoken to my partners solicitor but I have seen the police forensic report. I'm assuming this is enough to confirm the truth of what he is saying
Bitterbean yes as far as I'm aware and just going from my own experience forensics will report everything, images, videos, chat and direct communication. Dates of each item, what categories items fall into. How many people were images received from or distributed to etc. I think nothing illegal would be left out if it would help with a conviction.