Parthers case was NFA. I found out last week. I should feel happier than I do, but it doesn't take away all the heartache/horribleness/trauma of the last 8 weeks (aware how incredibly lucky we are that everything was looked into so quickly, OIC said it was due to having a newborn).
SS wrote a safety plan with us around 3 weeks ago and recommended NFA pending the results of the investigation (supervised visits only for partner). My question is that it's been a week since police case was closed, will SS contact me? Partner admitted to them what he had done right at the very beginning of all this, admitting a porn addiction that led to viewing manga, so although police case is NFA I'm not sure they'll take the same approach?
The weird thing is that I'm not ready for partner to return to family home yet (if at all) but I could do with him helping overnight with our newborn, I'd happily keep this supervised and he could stay in the spare room away from me and baby. It would be just another set of hands making feeds, rocking baby to sleep etc. Plus im resenting him for not being sleep deprived like myself.
How long do I wait to hear from SS before I assume they're keeping the case closed? Should I contact them? OIC said she would update them.
Also, if a case is NFA what will happen when baby goes to nursery? Do I need to disclose what partner was arrested for to anyone?
SS wrote a safety plan with us around 3 weeks ago and recommended NFA pending the results of the investigation (supervised visits only for partner). My question is that it's been a week since police case was closed, will SS contact me? Partner admitted to them what he had done right at the very beginning of all this, admitting a porn addiction that led to viewing manga, so although police case is NFA I'm not sure they'll take the same approach?
The weird thing is that I'm not ready for partner to return to family home yet (if at all) but I could do with him helping overnight with our newborn, I'd happily keep this supervised and he could stay in the spare room away from me and baby. It would be just another set of hands making feeds, rocking baby to sleep etc. Plus im resenting him for not being sleep deprived like myself.
How long do I wait to hear from SS before I assume they're keeping the case closed? Should I contact them? OIC said she would update them.
Also, if a case is NFA what will happen when baby goes to nursery? Do I need to disclose what partner was arrested for to anyone?
Hi,
It might be an idea to contact ss yourself, I wouldn't rely on the police to stick to what they've said about informing them. I'd tell them that you want to work towards unsupervised contact now that the police are taking no further action. There isn't anything legally stopping him from coming home so unless they decide to go from you being completely capable of supervising to taking you to court to get something legally binding they can't do anything. Maybe you could write a plan detailing the steps you'd like to follow; partner to spend unlimited time with you and baby at your address, stay overnight in spare room once a week for a month you reassess and increase as you see fit. Unsupervised for limited periods of time like you popping to corner shop or going for a walk, as baby gets older he could take her to the park etc. Has your partner done any work to address his addiction? They won't have a risk level for your partner as they would if he was sentenced so it's about showing them that your capability to protect outweighs any unknown risk from your partner. Good luck xxx
Edited to add I've just enrolled my little one at nursery and they asked if the family has a named social worker. I've said no but explained that ss were involved and dad has no pr and supervised access. I'm taking this approach rather than just saying no as I plan to tell my daughter when she's older so I'd like her to have someone in school that she trusts xxx
It might be an idea to contact ss yourself, I wouldn't rely on the police to stick to what they've said about informing them. I'd tell them that you want to work towards unsupervised contact now that the police are taking no further action. There isn't anything legally stopping him from coming home so unless they decide to go from you being completely capable of supervising to taking you to court to get something legally binding they can't do anything. Maybe you could write a plan detailing the steps you'd like to follow; partner to spend unlimited time with you and baby at your address, stay overnight in spare room once a week for a month you reassess and increase as you see fit. Unsupervised for limited periods of time like you popping to corner shop or going for a walk, as baby gets older he could take her to the park etc. Has your partner done any work to address his addiction? They won't have a risk level for your partner as they would if he was sentenced so it's about showing them that your capability to protect outweighs any unknown risk from your partner. Good luck xxx
Edited to add I've just enrolled my little one at nursery and they asked if the family has a named social worker. I've said no but explained that ss were involved and dad has no pr and supervised access. I'm taking this approach rather than just saying no as I plan to tell my daughter when she's older so I'd like her to have someone in school that she trusts xxx
Thank you for the advice and example's, that's really helpful, especially writing a plan showing how contact could be increased gradually. Partner is having therapy through stop so. He's had around 5 sessions so far I think. This was all captured in the family safety plan we drew up.
I know I need to contact them but I'm so nervous about inviting them back into our lives. Im concerned that because he admitted to what he was doing they'll still think he's a real risk to our daughter, which argueably he could be and I battle with daily. I do wonder if the trust will ever fully return.
The weirdest thing about all of this is that my partner has other children that he's heard nothing from SS about, yet with our baby they were heavily involved. Visiting me the day before her planned birth to asess us etc.
I know I need to contact them but I'm so nervous about inviting them back into our lives. Im concerned that because he admitted to what he was doing they'll still think he's a real risk to our daughter, which argueably he could be and I battle with daily. I do wonder if the trust will ever fully return.
The weirdest thing about all of this is that my partner has other children that he's heard nothing from SS about, yet with our baby they were heavily involved. Visiting me the day before her planned birth to asess us etc.
I know what you mean about inviting them back into your life, I hate it. So pleased that I don't have to be involved with them until my person moves back in. I'll probably contact them a few months before this to do a gradual return.
It does seem strange that your partner hasn't been assessed regarding his other children. I suppose their ages and the type of contact he has in place would be factors in what steps ss take. Have they contacted your partners ex?
I also hear you on not knowing if he poses a risk to your baby. I still catch myself watching how mine interacts with our daughter, watching for anything suspicious. I was pretty bad before all of this to be honest. I never left my older two with their dad until they could talk. My Nan was abused and drilled it into us to watch everyone with our kids. There are resources out there to read up on signs of sexual abuse in young children. It's hard to strike a balance between educating yourself and driving yourself into some sort of paranoid insanity. I definitely lean more towards the latter most days if I'm honest.
My person hates it when I say anything that indicates I don't trust him and says stuff like I'd never hurt her etc. I just think if you hadn't been such an idiot I wouldn't have had any doubts at all.
xxx
It does seem strange that your partner hasn't been assessed regarding his other children. I suppose their ages and the type of contact he has in place would be factors in what steps ss take. Have they contacted your partners ex?
I also hear you on not knowing if he poses a risk to your baby. I still catch myself watching how mine interacts with our daughter, watching for anything suspicious. I was pretty bad before all of this to be honest. I never left my older two with their dad until they could talk. My Nan was abused and drilled it into us to watch everyone with our kids. There are resources out there to read up on signs of sexual abuse in young children. It's hard to strike a balance between educating yourself and driving yourself into some sort of paranoid insanity. I definitely lean more towards the latter most days if I'm honest.
My person hates it when I say anything that indicates I don't trust him and says stuff like I'd never hurt her etc. I just think if you hadn't been such an idiot I wouldn't have had any doubts at all.
xxx
No the ss or the police will contact you in our case we had similar they said they don't contact anyone after NFA but they are happy for us to give there number and they will confirm no charges to anyone they will not contact ss .. but good outcome all the best
Distressed and pregnant so sorry to hear about your nan, I was very naive to trusting people before all of this, I'm already feeling anxious about leaving her at a nursery with unknown adults, I guess you could say I've tipped the other way now into paranoia. Too aware of risks etc.
Trying to work with SS has been the hardest part throughout all of this, I understand they are there to protect children but I find the whole process very wooly and unclear. I've looked into a possible risk assessment for my partner if necessary but they're so expensive.
my partner also says it devestates him that I think he'd do anything to our daughter, but unfortunately he's got us into this mess and naturally as a mum when everyone's telling you someone is a risk to your baby, you listen and take it seriously, despite who it is. I fear I'll never trust him to have unsupervised access, but that's something I'll need to work towards.
Trying to work with SS has been the hardest part throughout all of this, I understand they are there to protect children but I find the whole process very wooly and unclear. I've looked into a possible risk assessment for my partner if necessary but they're so expensive.
my partner also says it devestates him that I think he'd do anything to our daughter, but unfortunately he's got us into this mess and naturally as a mum when everyone's telling you someone is a risk to your baby, you listen and take it seriously, despite who it is. I fear I'll never trust him to have unsupervised access, but that's something I'll need to work towards.