Why am I staying with him?
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I do love my OH but I hate what he did.
Recently I worry that the only reason I am supporting him is because I want my life back.
I don't want to be a single mum, I don't want me eldest to think that 2 dad's have walked out on her. I don't want my little ones to be from a broken home. I like having a husband.
The longer this situation goes on the morenI resent him and the more I wonder if I could ever trust him again.
As well as the things he was arrested for, I found out that he was using substances and had cheated on me with someone of the same gender. All of his bad actions were while under the influence of of class A's and he is now clean, but can I ever trust him.
I know I would never trust anyone with my children again so I feel like it's him or be alone forever.
Recently I worry that the only reason I am supporting him is because I want my life back.
I don't want to be a single mum, I don't want me eldest to think that 2 dad's have walked out on her. I don't want my little ones to be from a broken home. I like having a husband.
The longer this situation goes on the morenI resent him and the more I wonder if I could ever trust him again.
As well as the things he was arrested for, I found out that he was using substances and had cheated on me with someone of the same gender. All of his bad actions were while under the influence of of class A's and he is now clean, but can I ever trust him.
I know I would never trust anyone with my children again so I feel like it's him or be alone forever.
Hi,
I didn't want to read and not respond. I completely understand how you're feeling. The part about not trusting anyone else with your children so it's him or being alone resonates with me. My circumstances mean that we are years away from living together or being together properly so the only commitment I've made is that I will try to work through things with him.
Some days I'm full of doubt, I doubt his intentions, I doubt my own intentions, am I staying because I want a life that can't happen or because I don't want to be alone. Other days I'll tell myself and anyone else who questions why I'm even entertaining the idea of being with him that he mostly makes me happy and that when we're old and look back at our life this will be such a small part of it and we'll have good memories to remember.
Something that I think is worth telling you is that children flourish in a home filled with love, it doesn't matter if both parents are there at all. You can absolutely create a happy, love filled home for your children on your own. If you stay for anyone but yourself you won't be happy even if you've stayed for your children. Children grow and have their own lives to lead. Will you be happy when they've flown the nest and it's the two of you left in the house? Obviously lots can change in the timeframe I'm talking about and a decision you make now may not be right for you in ten years time but it is now. I suppose what I'm saying is look at your reasons for staying and if one of the top ones isn't your happiness maybe staying isn't the right thing for you xxx
I didn't want to read and not respond. I completely understand how you're feeling. The part about not trusting anyone else with your children so it's him or being alone resonates with me. My circumstances mean that we are years away from living together or being together properly so the only commitment I've made is that I will try to work through things with him.
Some days I'm full of doubt, I doubt his intentions, I doubt my own intentions, am I staying because I want a life that can't happen or because I don't want to be alone. Other days I'll tell myself and anyone else who questions why I'm even entertaining the idea of being with him that he mostly makes me happy and that when we're old and look back at our life this will be such a small part of it and we'll have good memories to remember.
Something that I think is worth telling you is that children flourish in a home filled with love, it doesn't matter if both parents are there at all. You can absolutely create a happy, love filled home for your children on your own. If you stay for anyone but yourself you won't be happy even if you've stayed for your children. Children grow and have their own lives to lead. Will you be happy when they've flown the nest and it's the two of you left in the house? Obviously lots can change in the timeframe I'm talking about and a decision you make now may not be right for you in ten years time but it is now. I suppose what I'm saying is look at your reasons for staying and if one of the top ones isn't your happiness maybe staying isn't the right thing for you xxx
Thank you so much for your understanding and kind words.
What makes it harder for me is that my eldest child has a different biological father. I don't want her to have no trust in men and relationships. I know I can do it alone, I've done it before. Failure twice is hard though. 3 kids, 2 dad's and no husband...... there shouldn't be a stigma, but there is.
I am so hurt that I trusted him with my daughter and he has done this.
What makes it harder for me is that my eldest child has a different biological father. I don't want her to have no trust in men and relationships. I know I can do it alone, I've done it before. Failure twice is hard though. 3 kids, 2 dad's and no husband...... there shouldn't be a stigma, but there is.
I am so hurt that I trusted him with my daughter and he has done this.
My older two have a different dad too. I'm at a place where other peoples opinions don't bother me. They do not pay my bills or have any hold over me. Relationships are more complex than success or failure. You haven't failed at all. His actions have created a need for change in your relationship whatever that looks like. It's ok not to have certainty about what you want going forward. If you feel that you want to stay for you right now then you can take small steps together like counselling and continuing to talk to each other. If it doesn't work long term you'll know that you have given it your best and made decisions that are right for you xxx
Hi, I really feel for those of you with children, it must be so hard making decisions that not only impact on you and your partner, but also on your children, your most precious relationship.
Have you explored your feelings with a therapist? I found it helped me unravel my thoughts, helped me see that I was able to be alone and be in charge of my own destiny.I still occasionally wobble, I allow myself to be upset, but then I try to look forward and see the positives, there are always some there if you look hard enough.
xxx
Have you explored your feelings with a therapist? I found it helped me unravel my thoughts, helped me see that I was able to be alone and be in charge of my own destiny.I still occasionally wobble, I allow myself to be upset, but then I try to look forward and see the positives, there are always some there if you look hard enough.
xxx
Confused and worried
Lots of good advice from Distressed and pregnant there
I also switcher between staying and leaving the de jding fa tors are on a knife edge with the deciding factor at the moment being it will look like I think he's guilty if I leave. Once court is out of the way then who knows?
I My adult children have already distanced themselves due to me not leaving already. In my lowest moments I think I might be better off without the lot of them. Escaping on my own to somewhere new seems really appealing. But I love the area I live in and have roots here.
My partner has had his good moments and his bad ones. The bad ones I think marginally eclipse the good with this situation feeling like the last straw. It sounds to me like you might have something worth trying to save, but only you can know that.
Sorry, no real words of comfort, but you are not alone in your dilemma
Lots of good advice from Distressed and pregnant there
I also switcher between staying and leaving the de jding fa tors are on a knife edge with the deciding factor at the moment being it will look like I think he's guilty if I leave. Once court is out of the way then who knows?
I My adult children have already distanced themselves due to me not leaving already. In my lowest moments I think I might be better off without the lot of them. Escaping on my own to somewhere new seems really appealing. But I love the area I live in and have roots here.
My partner has had his good moments and his bad ones. The bad ones I think marginally eclipse the good with this situation feeling like the last straw. It sounds to me like you might have something worth trying to save, but only you can know that.
Sorry, no real words of comfort, but you are not alone in your dilemma