Name changing etc
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Over a month post knock for my husband and reality is starting to sink in a bit. He is released under investigation and living with another family member, and only has supervised contact with our children (no legal restriction as not bailed but recommended by both police and social services).
From what he has told me, when his devices get examined he will be charged, it's likely to be a high number of images as a one off as he downloaded a directory, categories A to C. There are mitigating circumstances, mental health and historical abuse victim. There was no contact, and no sharing, just possession.
I feel angry at him, furious at times, I also feel desperately sad especially after the revelations on the abuse he suffered. I wish he had reached out for support before, but he also knew what he was doing was wrong and didn't stop or try to get help. I don't want to turn my back on him altogether but I have to do what is right for me and the children. I am not sure our marriage could ever recover from this, and I also read others' stories about the battle with social services and I'm not sure I can bear to put myself and the children through any attempt at reconciliation.
I have local support from friends and also care for my mum who is living in a flat nearby so I don't feel I can move. I'm really worried about the possibility of vigilantes/reaction against the kids who are blameless.
I am considering divorce. I'm considering changing my name, and the boys' names, to my maiden name. But I'm worried about explaining that to the boys (11 and 7). I'm worried they won't understand my divorcing him and will be angry. I feel guilty that I'm not standing by my marriage vows, because this is surely "for worse".
He is also talking about changing his surname, to reduce impact on us and to minimise media impact.
I know no one can tell me what to do but I'd appreciate any advice/experience, particularly around name changing and vigilantes. Are we likely to get backlash if we don't change our names?
Thanks
From what he has told me, when his devices get examined he will be charged, it's likely to be a high number of images as a one off as he downloaded a directory, categories A to C. There are mitigating circumstances, mental health and historical abuse victim. There was no contact, and no sharing, just possession.
I feel angry at him, furious at times, I also feel desperately sad especially after the revelations on the abuse he suffered. I wish he had reached out for support before, but he also knew what he was doing was wrong and didn't stop or try to get help. I don't want to turn my back on him altogether but I have to do what is right for me and the children. I am not sure our marriage could ever recover from this, and I also read others' stories about the battle with social services and I'm not sure I can bear to put myself and the children through any attempt at reconciliation.
I have local support from friends and also care for my mum who is living in a flat nearby so I don't feel I can move. I'm really worried about the possibility of vigilantes/reaction against the kids who are blameless.
I am considering divorce. I'm considering changing my name, and the boys' names, to my maiden name. But I'm worried about explaining that to the boys (11 and 7). I'm worried they won't understand my divorcing him and will be angry. I feel guilty that I'm not standing by my marriage vows, because this is surely "for worse".
He is also talking about changing his surname, to reduce impact on us and to minimise media impact.
I know no one can tell me what to do but I'd appreciate any advice/experience, particularly around name changing and vigilantes. Are we likely to get backlash if we don't change our names?
Thanks
Hey you, first of all slow down, I know your head is spinning right now, I've been there, but take a breather and don't rush into doing anything. You don't have to feel guilty about doing whats right for you, because you've did nothing wrong. Take it a day at a time because you'll burn yourself out,trustt me, I know. Speak to your gp and take care if you. Call the helpline here so you can have a rant with no judgement. There's a charity called children seen abd heard I think others have went through them to get advice about children, what to tell them etc. Look after yourself for a while honey x
Name changes aren't always straightforward
But, it is really early days. Someone said to me not to make a decision when sad or angry..... still sad and angry over 18 months later, with an ex in prison.... but take time to breath. When it is the right time to make a decision you will know.
Be kind to yourself. It is a journey none of us ever wanted or imagined x
But, it is really early days. Someone said to me not to make a decision when sad or angry..... still sad and angry over 18 months later, with an ex in prison.... but take time to breath. When it is the right time to make a decision you will know.
Be kind to yourself. It is a journey none of us ever wanted or imagined x