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I have been with my partner 11 months relationship going well , he's been supporting me through awful mental health , anxiety depression the worst for a while .
Then Thursday I had a knock at the door ( he doesn't live with me ) , it was the police anyway long story short he'd missed a court date got put in prison on remand and court case started today I have had one phone call with him all of one minute so very little where he apologised and said it was something from the past that he believed wasn't an issue , I told him I still loved him and he cried and said he thought he was alone ans he loved me too and that was it .
I am broken , I love him so much I don't know what to do , I feel like my left legs gone , I can't stop crying , I am Ranging through sadness and guilt ,
I have lied to friends to explain his absence and to stop ppl coming over , my elder children are heart broken as he was like a dad to them
has anybody got any advice
Then Thursday I had a knock at the door ( he doesn't live with me ) , it was the police anyway long story short he'd missed a court date got put in prison on remand and court case started today I have had one phone call with him all of one minute so very little where he apologised and said it was something from the past that he believed wasn't an issue , I told him I still loved him and he cried and said he thought he was alone ans he loved me too and that was it .
I am broken , I love him so much I don't know what to do , I feel like my left legs gone , I can't stop crying , I am Ranging through sadness and guilt ,
I have lied to friends to explain his absence and to stop ppl coming over , my elder children are heart broken as he was like a dad to them
has anybody got any advice
Hi, I'm so sorry you find yourself on the forum and I empathise with the emotions you will be experiencing. I know someone more knowledgable than myself will provide you with more useful advice relating to custodial sentences and support for children. From what I have read you may not hear very much from your partner in the first couple of weeks as he is processed into the system. The only advise I have is seek support for yourself in regards to your mental health. Struggling in this area is tough enough without the added shock and trauma you have and are experiencing. My GP has been a blessing and this forum has been and continues to be an absolute life saver, there is always someone to talk to. Sending you strength x
Thank you , someone from a prison rang me Sunday at his request and they asked me to set up email a prisoner , I have, I emailed him and haven't heard anything it's so difficult , they have since moved him which is frustrating .
I did get two letters today one wrote the day after and then the one right after that , very brief just saying he's sorry he loves me but he'll understand if I want out .
i will contact GP tomorrow I need someone as currently I don't think I can do it alone
once again thank you for your reply
I did get two letters today one wrote the day after and then the one right after that , very brief just saying he's sorry he loves me but he'll understand if I want out .
i will contact GP tomorrow I need someone as currently I don't think I can do it alone
once again thank you for your reply
Good you're getting help, did he disclose exactly why he was sentenced? It's important for you're future that he does. It's hard to hear but you'll feel a little lighter. Meanwhile we are here if you need a rant or chat x
He hasn't been sentenced yet he's on trial .
The night he called he briefly told me, but not in detail , but I said to him we have 2 minutes ( that's what the guy in the back ground said ) and I needed him to know I was still there ,
I stupidly thought we would if had a proper call by now .
His letters were very brief and even though I am sending emails I am not getting anything back yet ( although I think he's in court most days all day ) one of his letters said he had no credit to phone so as soon as he's got some he will , I don't even know what that means !
i keep thinking the worst but hoping the fact nothing happened since the thing he's in court for or before will stand in his favour .
his solicitor is not replying to my emails ( only 2 one on Sunday and the one today )
I feel so lost , and the GP hasn't spoke to me just asked me to speak to the mental health assistant ??????????
I had a dream last night that I woke up to him sat on the sofa watching breaking bad like nothing had happened
The night he called he briefly told me, but not in detail , but I said to him we have 2 minutes ( that's what the guy in the back ground said ) and I needed him to know I was still there ,
I stupidly thought we would if had a proper call by now .
His letters were very brief and even though I am sending emails I am not getting anything back yet ( although I think he's in court most days all day ) one of his letters said he had no credit to phone so as soon as he's got some he will , I don't even know what that means !
i keep thinking the worst but hoping the fact nothing happened since the thing he's in court for or before will stand in his favour .
his solicitor is not replying to my emails ( only 2 one on Sunday and the one today )
I feel so lost , and the GP hasn't spoke to me just asked me to speak to the mental health assistant ??????????
I had a dream last night that I woke up to him sat on the sofa watching breaking bad like nothing had happened
I'm sorry that you find yourself here, it must be a shock having a knock like that.
You don't mention where you are in the country but there are some helplines that may be able to help you understand what is going on especially as he had been remanded. None of us know how to navigate our way through this process and that can sometimes be the worst thing.
in England / Wales - there is Prisoners families
https://www.prisonersfamilies.org/
in Scotland - there is families outside
https://www.familiesoutside.org.uk/
There is also Unlock https://unlock.org.uk/
You mention your own mental health issues, please ensure that you take care of yourself. If you find yourself in need of someone to talk to the samarations are always there and willing to listen.
You don't mention where you are in the country but there are some helplines that may be able to help you understand what is going on especially as he had been remanded. None of us know how to navigate our way through this process and that can sometimes be the worst thing.
in England / Wales - there is Prisoners families
https://www.prisonersfamilies.org/
in Scotland - there is families outside
https://www.familiesoutside.org.uk/
There is also Unlock https://unlock.org.uk/
You mention your own mental health issues, please ensure that you take care of yourself. If you find yourself in need of someone to talk to the samarations are always there and willing to listen.
Hi thankyou , I am in the south , I have called my GP back again and asked they make an appointment with a dr , as whilst I am sure the hca is great I feel I need a little more .
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Hi Ama1979
Hope you are ok
Email a prisoner is a good way to keep in touch but it can take a couple of days like everything in prison is slow, but if he has been moved it maybe he hasn't received them as you have to put what prison he is in, you can also send money in via pay a prisoner but again you would need to know where he is,
The prison had a duty of care so he will be ok once he is set up on there system it will be more settled for you both
The most important part for you is to speak to your GP and reach out to us on here, you have to look after yourself
Do you have people around to support you?
Hugs sent xx
Hope you are ok
Email a prisoner is a good way to keep in touch but it can take a couple of days like everything in prison is slow, but if he has been moved it maybe he hasn't received them as you have to put what prison he is in, you can also send money in via pay a prisoner but again you would need to know where he is,
The prison had a duty of care so he will be ok once he is set up on there system it will be more settled for you both
The most important part for you is to speak to your GP and reach out to us on here, you have to look after yourself
Do you have people around to support you?
Hugs sent xx
Hi , thank you , I know where he's been moved to so I changed that on the email a prisoner app thing .
I think I was hoping I would write them and he would get them next day , I guess that's not the case . I wish there was away of then checking a box to say it's been delivered . That's would ease me more .
I have sent him money via the .gov as I don't think his prison supports it via the email a prisoner . I only sent £30 though I don't know if that's enough .
I returned him a letter last night just incase he hadn't received it .
I do have older children 25, 22,19 as well as younger ones , but I am trying not to Lean on them too much as they are equally going through it , they feel they have lost someone who was a better father than their birth dad .
they have been very good though and been with every day they aren't working .
I have an appointment at the drs on the 21/11
I think I was hoping I would write them and he would get them next day , I guess that's not the case . I wish there was away of then checking a box to say it's been delivered . That's would ease me more .
I have sent him money via the .gov as I don't think his prison supports it via the email a prisoner . I only sent £30 though I don't know if that's enough .
I returned him a letter last night just incase he hadn't received it .
I do have older children 25, 22,19 as well as younger ones , but I am trying not to Lean on them too much as they are equally going through it , they feel they have lost someone who was a better father than their birth dad .
they have been very good though and been with every day they aren't working .
I have an appointment at the drs on the 21/11
Ama1979
Its good you know where he has been moved to
When you did email did you tick the reply? You get charged a small amount this then is given to your person for them to write a reply back this is the emailed back to you , it sends an email to say a reply has been sent then log in to your email a prisoner acc to see the reply,
Where my son is if I email him in the evening it is usually printed and given the next day but the reply takes longer due to how slow it is, I hope you get to hear from him soon,
Having support is so important for you and I am sure your older adult children will want to be there for you , this is an awful journey so been there for each other is key
I am glad you managed to get a doctors appnt
x
Its good you know where he has been moved to
When you did email did you tick the reply? You get charged a small amount this then is given to your person for them to write a reply back this is the emailed back to you , it sends an email to say a reply has been sent then log in to your email a prisoner acc to see the reply,
Where my son is if I email him in the evening it is usually printed and given the next day but the reply takes longer due to how slow it is, I hope you get to hear from him soon,
Having support is so important for you and I am sure your older adult children will want to be there for you , this is an awful journey so been there for each other is key
I am glad you managed to get a doctors appnt
x
I did on some , I haven't on all as I figured he wouldn't have to reply to them all.
i think I am worried that he's given up on himself.
I guess i'll just have to wait , if I haven't heard soon is there someone I can contact to check he's ok ?
I have the number they called on the other day but I don't want to get him in any trouble because I phoned it .
thank you so much for your help xx
i think I am worried that he's given up on himself.
I guess i'll just have to wait , if I haven't heard soon is there someone I can contact to check he's ok ?
I have the number they called on the other day but I don't want to get him in any trouble because I phoned it .
thank you so much for your help xx
Ama1979
If you go on to the prison website they should have a number listed that you can call just explain your concern and they should be able.to check up on him for you
Also it takes a bit of time for your number to be added on to the system that will enable him.to call you
Please try not to worry yourself (easier said than done I know)
He will be ok all be scared of what is happening but it will settle
If.you need any advise just ask hun xx
If you go on to the prison website they should have a number listed that you can call just explain your concern and they should be able.to check up on him for you
Also it takes a bit of time for your number to be added on to the system that will enable him.to call you
Please try not to worry yourself (easier said than done I know)
He will be ok all be scared of what is happening but it will settle
If.you need any advise just ask hun xx
I needed to hear that thank you , I am superb at overthinking ,
So thank you .
i'll just keep whittering at him via email and hopefully he'll get back to me , if nothing else just to tell me to be quiet lol
thanks again
So thank you .
i'll just keep whittering at him via email and hopefully he'll get back to me , if nothing else just to tell me to be quiet lol
thanks again
So I spoke to the prison , who told me the earliest I would receive a call is next Thursday , ???? why do I feel like I am being punished .
and that I have to check daily to see if I am on the List ?????????? she wouldn't check for there and then i have to ring the booking line apparently.
So the money I sent him is in his account , which is great .
guys is there a limit for how much you can send ? Hope everyone else is ok ?
xx
and that I have to check daily to see if I am on the List ?????????? she wouldn't check for there and then i have to ring the booking line apparently.
So the money I sent him is in his account , which is great .
guys is there a limit for how much you can send ? Hope everyone else is ok ?
xx
Hi Ama1979
Hope you are ok
It is slow to get your number approved but hopefully it will be before next Thursday, you will know all is ok once he phones you
As for money it is entirely up to what you can afford
My son has a job in prison so gets paid £10 a week
It is set up so they have what is called personal spends that is where what you send on the gov website goes to then they can draw down £30 a week in to there canteen account, this is where there wages go and if not working they get a set amount paid in (it's not much but every penny counts)
So canteen allows them to buy food, toiletries etc it is ordered once a week, my son orders on Sunday and its delivered on Weds , they also have to put phone credit and he is changed £1 a week for tv
I hope this helps but ask away if your not sure
Xx
Hope you are ok
It is slow to get your number approved but hopefully it will be before next Thursday, you will know all is ok once he phones you
As for money it is entirely up to what you can afford
My son has a job in prison so gets paid £10 a week
It is set up so they have what is called personal spends that is where what you send on the gov website goes to then they can draw down £30 a week in to there canteen account, this is where there wages go and if not working they get a set amount paid in (it's not much but every penny counts)
So canteen allows them to buy food, toiletries etc it is ordered once a week, my son orders on Sunday and its delivered on Weds , they also have to put phone credit and he is changed £1 a week for tv
I hope this helps but ask away if your not sure
Xx
Thank you , I just the tears would stop !
he's been in court all week looking like it's finishes at 17:00 ( ish ) so I can't imagine he has time to work too . But I had the email from .gov to say that it had arrived into his account so , hopefully he's got the email where I told him I sent it ( he never asked so wouldn't be expecting it )
intake it the visiting thing takes ages to set up too , I don't really understand , but I guess in my head it's just adding my name to a computer screen, but I imagine it's way more than that .
how long have you been doing this ? Is your son settled ?
thanks again I really appreciate it , probably more than you know .
he's been in court all week looking like it's finishes at 17:00 ( ish ) so I can't imagine he has time to work too . But I had the email from .gov to say that it had arrived into his account so , hopefully he's got the email where I told him I sent it ( he never asked so wouldn't be expecting it )
intake it the visiting thing takes ages to set up too , I don't really understand , but I guess in my head it's just adding my name to a computer screen, but I imagine it's way more than that .
how long have you been doing this ? Is your son settled ?
thanks again I really appreciate it , probably more than you know .
Ama1979
It's a tough journey to be on and I know you are struggling, he will be ok but you need to take a deep breath and look after yourself, of course you are going to be an emotional wreck its normal,
The next few days, weeks and months are going to be so difficult so please be kind to yourself
You can't be there for him or your young adult children if you are struggling
You are stronger than you think but reach out on here and your GP
It had been a long painful journey but I am still here and so is my son so I am grateful
Sending strength and hugs xx
It's a tough journey to be on and I know you are struggling, he will be ok but you need to take a deep breath and look after yourself, of course you are going to be an emotional wreck its normal,
The next few days, weeks and months are going to be so difficult so please be kind to yourself
You can't be there for him or your young adult children if you are struggling
You are stronger than you think but reach out on here and your GP
It had been a long painful journey but I am still here and so is my son so I am grateful
Sending strength and hugs xx