Family and Friends Forum

Annon31, I'm so sorry you find yourself here. I wish I could or anyone else on this forum could answer that question for you but the reality is until you get to court you won't know.
People here have had different experiences but one thing I've have noticed is communication cases are more "complex".

My OH's case is for communication too. We had the knock over 4 months ago. Have heard nothing since. It was one chat so officer said if nothing else ia found they may just drop the whole thing. Last we heard was from our solicitor saying the police are still waiting for all chat logs from various chat sites. That could take ages to come through and then the police could take as long as they want to go through them. Until then, our lives are a living hell. I can't blame the police for this. If my OH hadn't don't this in the first place then we wouldn't have been here today.
Unfortunately, it is a waiting game but one thing everyone here will tell you is to look after yourself and your children. Put yourself and your well-being first. No one else will and no matter what the future holds for your OH, you and your children deserve peace and happiness.
Sending hugs. X

Hi there sorry you're on this club noone wants yo be on. First of all how DARE the police come to your place of work when you've did nothing wrong, i really don't get why they did that Irs crazy. You're in for a long wait (my person communication too it's almost two years for us, sentencing next month), meanwhile, it's still very early days and you'll feel raw but I promise it will get better. As for kids, I'm. Not sure how old they are but there's a charity call children seen and heard ones on this rave about. Call the helpline, see your gp and take care you you. Meanwhile your hubby can call helpline and get help for himself x

My husband was communication too. He was arrested at work and the police then came to our home to find me. I was at work, so they phoned me to ask me to come home. Being told "everything is fine but we need you to come home" sets you off worrying about all sorts of things, and never did I imagine it was as my husband had been arrested. His chats were also with police decoys, the police had copies of the chats, and there were 2 conversations 18 months apart. He admitted it was him in the chats and he was charged the same day. Initially, he pleaded not guilty but has since changed his plea, and we're waiting for sentencing.

There is no point trying to second-guess sentencing, unfortunately. The long-term implications of being found guilty of this type of offence are far-reaching and will have an impact beyond any sentence. Timescales also vary widely. My husband's was unusual in being charged so quickly. He was initially remanded, but released quite quickly on bail following appeal. He was due to have a plea hearing about 5 weeks later which was then postponed for a month due to a lack of court availability. He had that hearing a couple of weeks ago and changed his plea. His sentencing will be in less than 3 weeks. After changing his plea, he had to sign on to the SOR. He still has his job at the moment. They don't know the reason why he was arrested and he doesn't need to tell them he has a conviction. I do worry about the media once he is sentenced, not just that his employer may find out but as we have teenage boys and the impact it may have on them. They know everything that is going on.

Communication for me too...

We split at day of arrest

arrest mid July 21, IIOC found later so a second arrest november

charges end December

magistrates mid january

Sentencing to custodial end March. The judge followed the guidelines so he got 5 years reduced to 4

i remember thinking it would take years but it went fast... but I think it was due to the age and circumstances of the case. the case with my ex was quite horrific and he was someone in a position of trust.

Just take lots of deep breaths and be kind to yourself.



but each case is very different and depends on the judge on the day

Nemesis - that sounds awful. I hope you're okay. Do you have kids together?

The second charges are something I've been wondering about as he was charged so quickly, but they're still checking the devices. He was adamant that they wouldn't find any images but after he pleaded guilty and he was telling me that the police are still checking the devices so we won't get them back yet, he also said if they find images they'll destroy the devices. Which made me question whether they will find some. I knew that is what would happen if they found images but the fact that he mentioned it when talking about not getting the devices back yet and not following it up with "but they won't find any", got me thinking. Hopefully, I'm wrong. We haven't officially split yet but he's not living at home and we're not together.

Anon/ Newlady

That was my immediate reaction too, what on earth were the police thinking going into your work, Anon, especially it being a school! I know if they have identified the material being downloaded to an IP address it could be anyone at that address - when we had the knock, initially the police told me they would check our devices and then we might both have to be taken in for questioning) but really, I think sometimes they get a bit carried away, the only reason is that if you were the perpetrator and got tipped off you might try to destroy or erase your device - both of which would be very suspicious and the second would require an incredible degree of IT knowledge to achieve successfully, because the forensic search goes so deep.

They are so heavy handed, I'm sure a small minority of individuals arrested for these offences are seriously dangerous people but most of these men do not seem to be criminal masterminds.

I have a unique ex partner....

Yes to children. Social services told me it was life changing the day of arrest. I didn't believe them.... I was wrong.

family home sold, massive media, moved countries, gave up my fab career....

and a few more bumps in terms of my ex and other events.... he is unique!

But I made myself a promise on the day of arrest.... this wouldn't define me or my childrens future. And I am fighting with every breath (long story) that it doesn't.

but my advice is protect yourself for all events, and be kind to yourself as this journey is one I wouldn't wish on anyone