Family and Friends Forum

Hi,

I don't have experience of this but we have only recently changed to me being able to supervise without his parents there. Is there anyone in the family who could come with him on Christmas day to help supervise? If you have someone willing to do this who knows the situation and perhaps ss already know form part of your support network then you can ask them if this would be acceptable.



I presume you're on the plan because you either want him home at some point or want to supervise contact yourself so asking for this shouldn't be viewed negatively as a normal family life would involve dad being present in these moments. I hope this makes sense xxx

Hi, what do you want? Are you happy for him to be there if ss agree to it?

My oh was on supervised in the home contact via myself last Xmas but was not allowed contact with my niece (no reason other than she was female)

However we got "signed off" to have xmas day (and Any other large family gatherings) altogether so long as I was there and that there were other supervising adults (my sister, dad and step mom were all aware so classes as OK to supervise)

We had pushed ss for this as we wanted to keep xmas as normal as possible for my teenage boys and my niece.

What do you think would be best for your children? Would it confuse them to have dad in the house for Christmas day and then go back to community contact? Is there somewhere in the community that you could meet on another day for dad to give presents and them to him? I have my older children on Christmas day this year so we're doing boxing day for little one to see dad and open some presents xxx

Hi, we are in the same situation.

our solicitors have said ss need to consider contact in the home with grandparents present for extra supervision. They will let us know in December.

but we have booked Christmas dinner out so we can all definitely be together at some point of the day.
it's so hard as obviously no where is open on Christmas and you don't want to be sat in a park.



if you think it will be best for your children you should ask for it to be considered, our solicitor told us they can make allowances for special days

I'm not much help really as I'm not out of the other side with SS but in my situation I found that the case was closed for 15months because he wasn't at home ( of course he wasn't he wasn't aloud) they have made out that's because I didn't want him here . So now I've phoned to say I want him home it's starting again. Had a meeting today and it's like starting from sqaure one when we could of had all this time to work with a social worker and get to know then ect . She wanted to talk to my daughter in school. I said no of course not . Why? You have spoke to her before . She's 5 and the school don't know so why on earth would she want to be called out of class for this . So I think when I'm upset and I agree to what they say it kind of makes it worse . So today I said what I hoped for ect . She said she needed to speak to her manager and get back to me . She said what if she's comes back and says he can't stay overnight . I said well in that case I will have to seek legal advise. It may bite me in the arse but it's no different than how we have to live at the moment . They can't make anything worse for me currently . I'm not 100% clued up but the solicitor says he can come home there's nothing in the shpo to say he can't stay with his own children overnight . The judge removed the no contact with under 18s because he was coming home to him children . So if they take me to court there the ones who said he was coming home to children ect . All the social keep saying is how can I supervise when I'm asleep. I said he'll be in a different room and I'll be on night feeds as I always am I basilcy sleep with one eye open listening for my baby every night and he'll know not to leave the room and go into the girls room . I sat here for an hour and I can honestly say I don't eveen think she answered one thing other than asking silly questions. We have gone back to asking questions like when did we meet how did we meet . I said I've gone through all this did the last social worker just set fire to all the notes . Bloody joke . I don't think what Ur asking is in anyway unreasonable. I'll be having Christmas dinner with him is I have to set up a table in the police station to keep them happy xxxx

Hi,

I'm not as clued up as others have been on here, but I have been through ss, when we first went on cin I wasn't allowed to supervise because I hadn't found this site then, so they scared me and I was under the impression my hubby couldnt possibly have done wat they said so i had seemed to have minimalised wat he had done, ( i hadnt meant to put my world had turned upside down) so friends were supervising for us and i think my parents. I then did some work with a different sw ( just chats really and wag i wasnt allowed to let him do) they also went into school as spoke to the kids. When our sw was happy just before Christmas i was allowed to supervise in my home, after Christmas they closed our case.

Then my hubby had to o for second interview and the police person said he had known for people to be allowed home under investigation and had been allowed home after being prosecuted. So I reopened our case, still I hadn't found this site so still not fully clued up, long story short we got put back on cin and then cp and I wasn't allowed to supervise, because going off wat the police had said to me and wat they were saying to ss was 2 different things.

My hubby went to court got suspended sentence for 2 years, in that time we had our first cp meeting it was horrendous i felt like i was being accussed of things i hadnt done, with that after the Christmas i was given a new sw and a support worker who found this site the course to, im so glad i did, because i learnt how to get stronger and fight back, we was cp for 6 months apparently that is normal, ( dont get me wrong i have been to hell and back with ss ) whilst doing the llf course i also did the free one, i was showing them, ss that i was taking it seriously but in the same breathe we wanted to be a family again.

So I told them I wanted over night access as people ( sorry I no this is wrong how it comes across SO I APOLOGISE NOW, but people have done worse than my hubby and are allowed to live back home ), I told them I would get a camera ( learnt that from this site ) and I did a very good safety plan and they agreed but I told them I will NOT be waiting 10 years to get my hubby home because that's when my youngest turns 18, but I wasn't strong enough to fight because like us all they wear u down so u can't think straight.



Wat I've learnt is wat ever plan ur on it is voluntary and if u can show u r taking it seriously and can put things in place u can get ur other half's home.



SORRY FOR THE LONG POST BUT JUST TRYING TO HELP

Hi,

I don't think asking for contact in the home on Xmas day is unreasonable at all or can they use that against you. If that is what you want, Stand your ground and tell them that's what you want and say it's a bigger detriment to the children for him not to be here. Have your safety plan on hand to say you will supervise etc and point out that nothing has changed since the day of the knock and you've followed everything they have asked for. Stay strong x



Hi Dawn how are you doing? X

Hi Jayjay,



Not to great at min, I've just lost my dad suddenly so in a nightmare I feel like it's never ending xx thank you for asking I hope you are OK xx

Oh Dawn I'm so so sorry to hear that. It certainly keeps on giving. Keep your chin up lovely xx

Hi Jayjay,



I don't no if u will get this but I had some slightly good news yesterday, so it was my oh last probation meeting and he met his new visor person and she can't understand why he ( my oh ) isn't living at home with us and is going to look into it for us xx honestly I'm so excited and hopeful

I'm so happy for you Dawn, our CPP has been escalated recently because I wouldn't accept SS saying my OH come home-they have agreed to an independent risk assessment.

part of the reason why I can fight so hard is because my OH probation and visor are vocally disagreeing with SS. At our core group last week they said 'we still disagree with SS decisions and it's causing conflcit between professionals'.
It's so much easier to fight when you have the support of professionals, we almost loose our voices or we are seen as less important. But when the visor is saying she disagrees with them it gives us more credibility.

So sorry to hear about loosing your dad Dawn. I too lost my cherished dad a few months ago. As if we aren't going thro enough......

your dad could be looking after you - with your hopeful news - keep on in there x

Hi GZ,



It is so much easier if you have people on your side, I only got stronger once I had found this site, other wise I'd still be trying to please them, but honestly my husbands new visor couldn't understand why we are living apart, my hubby is trying not to get to hopeful because of this dreaded journey but I feel I have a new found fight inside of me xx

Hi Smile through tears,



I am so sorry to hear that, honestly I feel like I go from one nightmare to another, I actually saw the mental health nurse at my docs because I feel like I'm going mad, and she said how I'm feeling is so normal because as she said all I see is trauma trauma and that's all I can see if that makes sense xx

Dawn / bless, I agree it's very hard mentally, it's this forum and you guys that have kept me going I can tell you x

As regards the traumas - I try to not let little every day things get to me - just deal with the heavy stuff and lord knows we have enough of that.

my dad passing was hard, although an old boy (so we knew a matter of time) he was such a massive influence in my life - a backbone. We decided as a family not to tell him about my son - it was tricky at times but with dementia dad had enough to cope with plus (to be honest) I was too ashamed.

keep strong my friends.....

Hi smile through tears,



I no I'm getting better slowly but it seems like a long way to go lol, always here if u need a chat xx stay strong lovely xx