Telling kids
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Hiya.
I think 1am is my trigger because its when I'm at my most scared about the future and on here!
Has anyone told their kids pre charge what is happening? And what were their ages?
My girls are 8 and 4 and so far we're managing with little white lies (which kills me because I hate liars... pretty ironic as my 'oh' is a compulsive one)
Basically my OH sleeps in his car away from home in the night and then comes in the morning and we pretend he was here all night. The kids are starting to change things like calling it mummy's room and bed and not mummy and daddy's (mostly because when they wake in the night I'm obviously the only one here).
This is all very long winded but the SW said about planning what were gonna tell the kids and I was like... uhm nothing lol. I don't want them to EVER know what's happened. I'd rather tell them he killed someone than the truth. Is that crazy?
I'm so worried about the fall out from all this. If someone's on a sor / shpo can they have their kids over night? I don't know if I see a future as a couple but my kids will hate me if I send there daddy away and if they can't stay with him it'd kill them.
I'm so trapped in this situation. I feel like I have to protect the kids at all costs and that means being the bad guy because I'd rather be that then let them find out the daddy they love more than the world can care more about himself than them :(
I think 1am is my trigger because its when I'm at my most scared about the future and on here!
Has anyone told their kids pre charge what is happening? And what were their ages?
My girls are 8 and 4 and so far we're managing with little white lies (which kills me because I hate liars... pretty ironic as my 'oh' is a compulsive one)
Basically my OH sleeps in his car away from home in the night and then comes in the morning and we pretend he was here all night. The kids are starting to change things like calling it mummy's room and bed and not mummy and daddy's (mostly because when they wake in the night I'm obviously the only one here).
This is all very long winded but the SW said about planning what were gonna tell the kids and I was like... uhm nothing lol. I don't want them to EVER know what's happened. I'd rather tell them he killed someone than the truth. Is that crazy?
I'm so worried about the fall out from all this. If someone's on a sor / shpo can they have their kids over night? I don't know if I see a future as a couple but my kids will hate me if I send there daddy away and if they can't stay with him it'd kill them.
I'm so trapped in this situation. I feel like I have to protect the kids at all costs and that means being the bad guy because I'd rather be that then let them find out the daddy they love more than the world can care more about himself than them :(
I feel exactly the same as you and at the beginning fought to be able to da what you are, have him be in the house for everything but sleep. This resulted in us being put on a Child Protection Plan and him only allowed supervised contactvin the community.
This forced our hand in so much as we had to tell the kids that daddy has moved out. We said it was because we were not getting on and we wanted to try and make things better. We now have Sunday as "family day" which the kids love.
Like you I have no intention of telling them about mu OH offending unless there is a chance that they may hear it from someone else. Once they are told, they can't be untold.
With regards to living arrangements, in hindsight it was good thing. It has given me space and time to process (well try to process) what has happened and what I want & need.
This forced our hand in so much as we had to tell the kids that daddy has moved out. We said it was because we were not getting on and we wanted to try and make things better. We now have Sunday as "family day" which the kids love.
Like you I have no intention of telling them about mu OH offending unless there is a chance that they may hear it from someone else. Once they are told, they can't be untold.
With regards to living arrangements, in hindsight it was good thing. It has given me space and time to process (well try to process) what has happened and what I want & need.
Hi, I have 3 girls. At time of knock they were 5, 13 and 14. Unfortunately one policeman took this in to his own hands and told my 5 year old her daddy was going to prison as he's been naughty. This meant we had to tell them something so we just explained that daddy had seen something on the internet that he shouldn't have seen and now the police need to check how daddy found it. The older 2 obviously know a bit more about what it was and we've sat down and discusses about safety online etc. (The images was downloaded without my husbands knowledge). Having only supervised contact with their dad broke their hearts but they know it was what we had to do.
Sorry to jump in on this thread. But to those having supervised visits in the community- what are the options/activities to do this? SS have said they may not allow my partner to take the kids to where other kids could be eg. Parks and I guess zoos etc. They said it was because kids interact with other kids and my partner can't be in contact with any child unless has permission