Family and Friends Forum

hi, are charges back from cps or is this a second interview afte checking devices? X

I really hope he has a solicitor there because they re arrested my person and added a charge in whice the solicitor contested and we got it dropped. We had to wait almost a year between charges and magistrates due to police c**k ups but think you might get a dare for plea hearing and evid3will be sent across to barrister. From now on they are the most important people we are lucky we've a great one who putting her all into it but also keeping it realistic. Hope you're both OK, it's a tough day I remember it well took us both back to the start that day x

Really? Can they do that with no evidence? Question your children when charged? I smell bulls**t. I guess the only case where theyd do that woukd be if any convos pics chats etc includinged your children. They made me tell my daughter too even tho she's not his, I understand this due to circumstances, I needed to ask her too about if anything she didn't feel comfortable about ever happen and she's said absolutely not no thank goodness.

This whole telling the children aspect to me adds a whole lot more trauma to an already devastating situation. Fortunately I don't have young children, but if I did, and there was no evidence or suspicion of abuse, I would have no idea how to approach this in an age appropriate way that would not destroy their innocence and upset them. Equally I wouldn't be happy with the police or social work telling them. Perhaps I'm just being naive.

I am so angry SS have told you that, it's a complete lie!
i had an ongoing battle for 6 months with SS to tell our two children just slightly older than yours and I refused but I said if there comes a time when I chose to tell them, or need to tell them (ie if media find out) then I will tell them on my own and in my own way. I agreed to get prepared by doing an activity just me and the social so I knew what I was going to say, they then took a copy for their records which says it all, a box ticking exercise! The police has never spoken to my children, it was never even questioned or asked, why would they want to and we are post sentencing. Don't let them bully you x

Hi,

My older children were 17 and 14 at the time of the knock. They were here when the police came. I told them both on that day and kept them updated until sentencing. They do not have a relationship with him anymore although they do ask about him and will pass things on via me if they see something that they think he'd be interested in etc. The police came out the following week and spoke to my oldest with me present. I'd already spoken to both of them and asked if anything ever made them uncomfortable. The sw spoke to both of them too but this was with my permission and I think it was to clarify that I'd told them what I said I had.

I'm not sure how I would have approached it if they were younger but I'm glad that I told them. The situation was different because it was lockdown and he was remanded so they needed an explanation. Their dad is still present in their lives too so he needed to be told as ss could have contacted him.



I hope that you find answers from people with younger children to help you in telling your children. You will get through this xxx

you're welcome. I learned a lot from some ladies on here. I don't know what the last charge means but I think it's positive that it's still in magistrates as they can only sentence up to 1 year I believe. If they thought it was going to be more it would have gone to crown x

Hi,

I made it clear that my youngest who is now 8 will not be told until I see fit to tell her, she asks all the time but she has been shielded as far as I no, as in no mum's or kids in her school have ever said anything to her or me and I'm keeping it that way, and we hit the media, my eldest who was 14 at the time ( youngest was 4 ) was awake when they ce and arrested their dad so she has always known but handled it so well considering before this she had tried to kill herself, and has body dysphoria, nothing to do with her dad at all and I made that clear too. So stand ur ground, tell them u will tell them when u feel the time is right and not before they have to abide by ur rules on this, they r ur children not theirs

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Now you've had the charges your solicitor can get all the evidence. They'll say they can't get it until just before the date, but it's a lie. It will all be available to them now, they need to push for it.

Our solicitor argued my oh charges on his magistrates date and got 2 dropped, so really go through the evidence

just because you have a magistrates date doesn't mean it will stay there, most people have their plea at magistrates and if they feel it needs to go to crown that's when they send it. Your solicitor can give an idea before but you won't know til the day.



we had the publish an obscene article charge, definitely get your solicitor to look at the evidence for it to see if it fits the criteria for the charge. It could be argued that because he was talking about himself they could drop it, but it's about whether the content is obscene or upsetting for others.

my oh got this charge for sending extreme pornographic images. This charge isn't part of the children's act like IIOC is, it falls in a different act. Without worrying you (my oh got a 3 year community order, 5 year sor and 5 year ShPO) the sentencing guidelines for this charge is higher than the IIOC. They said that's why my oh had to go to crown, although our solicitor told us you want this to be seen in crown.

In magistrates they aren't trained judges and this is a big/serious crime there so you are more likely to get a harsher sentence. In crown (it's obviously still serious) but they see more serious crimes, it's a trained judge and you can get fairer sentences. Just a different perspective.

GZ

That sounds similar to my OH, police found 4 watsapp videos that they have send CPS, OH said they were just sent as daft jokes/banter, he's hoping CPS see it that way. Is that what your partner got charged with?

Hi,

yeah it was a work lads WhatsApp group where they were shared, he then sent them to another lads WhatsApp group. In court it was noted that it was a small group and the intent behind them, but unfortunately it's illegal and the CPS chose to prosecute it. I didn't know it was illegal before this.

Hi GZ,

I can't get my head around it, being criminalised for a crime most people don't even know is a crime, surely a caution and some educational course would serve much better. I just don't get what the public interest is, in charging someone for sending something they didn't know was illegal in a private watsapp group. An then to be put on the SOR wow, my own brother in law even sent him the daft video !!

I know, I completely agree. This stuff is sent all the time in lads groups and no one knows it's illegal. The police never went after any of the people who had sent or received the pictures, which I get but those pictures are still being sent around.

So publish an obscene article, as it falls within a different act if charged and convicted of it you don't get put on the SOR. But the police can still give you a SHPO or SRO after court.

Hi GZ

I read above that your OH got 5 year on SOR that's what confused me x

He also had a charge for making/downloading IIOC, that's why he's on the SOR.

Ah right, I understand now, it's just all so confusing, the OIC knows it's only these 4 watsapps, but still insists on the bail conditions that he can't live with us or be with the kids unaccompanied.

I didn't have a choice whether to tell my children the SW told them behind my back and then didn't even bother to tell me she had. Then when on FaceTime call to their dad my youngest (9) asked him about him doing inappropriate things online!! We were mortified and had to quickly change the conversation, to which she got really upset at as she thought she'd done something wrong. She's also waiting on a assessment for asd, so it was really difficult for her.