My husband took his life
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My husband was investigated for downloading child porn, he told me that he was innocent. He took his life ,over this
I was under the impression that the items that were taken from our property to be checked ,would be ok. But was told there was over 200 images of all categories on them. I feel numb, angry and betrayed. I have found it so hard to cope with the suicide. And now this, I really don't know how I am gonna get through this. But I still love him, cause he was such a good and kind man. And this side to him, I can't feel was him, just so not him. He chucked our life away.
Sporty ????????
I was under the impression that the items that were taken from our property to be checked ,would be ok. But was told there was over 200 images of all categories on them. I feel numb, angry and betrayed. I have found it so hard to cope with the suicide. And now this, I really don't know how I am gonna get through this. But I still love him, cause he was such a good and kind man. And this side to him, I can't feel was him, just so not him. He chucked our life away.
Sporty ????????
I’m so sorry Sporty. What a terrible, terrible loss you have endured. Your husband was that good kind person, and he mistakenly thought it was kinder to you, to remove himself from your life than admit to this horrible obsession. You have a mountain to climb, and I hope you find love and support here and around you. Thinking of you and willing you the strength to get through this. Unimaginably difficult.
Thanks for being brave enough to post. I hope we can offer some emotional support. And you can talk about your loss. These men are human beings with great pain in their lives. I know you hopefully have family and friends but if ever your minds racing some one will be here to listen xxx
xxx
xxx
Oh Sporty how absolutely awful for you, all I can suggest is taking each day hour by hour and take care of you, I do hope you have extended family and friends for support, you've been hit by a double whammy, after my first knock my husband admitted what he had done, and after he was released on bail attempted to take his own life, fast forward 9 yrs and we got a 2nd knock, which has totally devastated / exploded us as a family, I informed the arresting officer that I felt he would make a second attempt and while he was in police custody, then on remand and his custodial sentence he was on suicide watch, he is currently on licence and his supervision officer and doctors have him on mental health watch. Although he is not and will not be returning to live with me and my boys, I do still care for him, yes my life like yours feels like limbo land all not quite real, and there are days where I just want to run away or stop the world so I can get off. This forum is a real support, as nobody judges and we are all in the same boat, I don't often post but do read other posts and get comfort that am not alone xx
Thank you so much to everyone who has replied to me. Your comments and advice are truly appreciated . I feel for every single one of you. Nobody knows how to respond and feel, when this happens to them. I am hurting so much, as my in laws have disowned him, condemned him straight away. So I can't really speak about him as much as we used to do. I have recently left my job as well, it was getting stressful for me. And finding this out was the straw that broke the camel's back. I too have been suicidal ,but got over it. But this has devastated me.
Sporty
Sporty
Sporty
i truly think talking about your experiences is the only way forward. He will have experienced a great deal of shame, he will never have wanted you to see him vulnerable but he was the man you knew and I am sure he loves you with all his hear. Death is about stopping the emotional pain he will never have ever wanted to harm you. He was poorly.
the fact that you didn’t disown him will have given him comfort. It’s truly sad that he couldn’t see the him you saw.
so truly be kind to yourself. I know what you mean about trying to hold things together but you are allowed to shout cry and be angry.
there is a lot on Lucy Faithfull about denial he won’t of wanted to mislead you about what was on his computer he probably just couldn’t accept it himself.
thats the thing with trauma and shame it’s so de habilitating. I am not spiritual but I hope he is out of pain, and you can find some comfort and answers in your own time.
itd not your fault this happened and I wish society was kinder to the offenders. No one would choose this path unless they were on a difficult place.
I am sure he greatly valued you and in his own way wanted to protect you but didn’t know how to make it all go away.
anyway at midnight I hope you have some comfort in my waffling. You were good enough for him I promise you. I hate so much how much pain this offence causes family’s especially those left behind.
i can understand why your not at work you will need this time for you. I wish you love and strength. Xxx
i truly think talking about your experiences is the only way forward. He will have experienced a great deal of shame, he will never have wanted you to see him vulnerable but he was the man you knew and I am sure he loves you with all his hear. Death is about stopping the emotional pain he will never have ever wanted to harm you. He was poorly.
the fact that you didn’t disown him will have given him comfort. It’s truly sad that he couldn’t see the him you saw.
so truly be kind to yourself. I know what you mean about trying to hold things together but you are allowed to shout cry and be angry.
there is a lot on Lucy Faithfull about denial he won’t of wanted to mislead you about what was on his computer he probably just couldn’t accept it himself.
thats the thing with trauma and shame it’s so de habilitating. I am not spiritual but I hope he is out of pain, and you can find some comfort and answers in your own time.
itd not your fault this happened and I wish society was kinder to the offenders. No one would choose this path unless they were on a difficult place.
I am sure he greatly valued you and in his own way wanted to protect you but didn’t know how to make it all go away.
anyway at midnight I hope you have some comfort in my waffling. You were good enough for him I promise you. I hate so much how much pain this offence causes family’s especially those left behind.
i can understand why your not at work you will need this time for you. I wish you love and strength. Xxx
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Sporty, I'm so sorry that you've found yourself in this situation. I wish there was something I could say that would ease your pain. Just know that you're in our thoughts. As others have said, hopefully you have a strong support network around you physically, but remember that we're all here for you, too. Xx
Oh Sporty
What a terrible time for you.
The whole affair is shocking and who knows how to respond or react to any of this.
My heart goes out to you, you must be all over the place.
All I can say is be kind to yourself, give yourself a break and don't blame yourself for any of it.
You will never get the answers you might want as your husband can't give them to you now but try not to get eaten up by that, I think in some cases these men find it hard to tell the truth, sometimes because they don't want your to see them in that light.
Please keep coming in here for support, think about counselling at some point, it might well help you
Much
Much love xx
What a terrible time for you.
The whole affair is shocking and who knows how to respond or react to any of this.
My heart goes out to you, you must be all over the place.
All I can say is be kind to yourself, give yourself a break and don't blame yourself for any of it.
You will never get the answers you might want as your husband can't give them to you now but try not to get eaten up by that, I think in some cases these men find it hard to tell the truth, sometimes because they don't want your to see them in that light.
Please keep coming in here for support, think about counselling at some point, it might well help you
Much
Much love xx
Hello Sporty,
It's taken me a few days to gather my thoughts before I could answer your post.
I'm truly sad for you and your husband. What an indoctrinated society we live in that a man...a human being, a Husband, a Dad, a Son, friend... feels that he has to respond to this allegation in that way. There have been many times in history where people have been driven through shame to commit suicide uneccesarily because of fear of people's reactions. We look back now and think they needed help, I hope that one day we will about this type of behaviour. Sadly there are some (including some in authority) who believe that this is deserved. I think thats sickening, suicide is never a solution, to anything.
There will never be an opprtunity now to establish the reasons behind the images being there and your husbands active role in their presence being established. It's a crying shame that he couldn't see a future for himself and he thought you would be better off without him. His family's attitude is unbearable, that they were so indoctrinated about this type of alleged offence that they judged immediately, without question, says more about them.
Try to remember the kind and loving man you knew. We've all done things that we regret, that we would never reveal to others, that thing shouldn't define us, we are all capable of many things, good and bad.
I hope you are able to find peace and strength in your life and that you are able to find joy in your future.
Best wishes
Jaded.
It's taken me a few days to gather my thoughts before I could answer your post.
I'm truly sad for you and your husband. What an indoctrinated society we live in that a man...a human being, a Husband, a Dad, a Son, friend... feels that he has to respond to this allegation in that way. There have been many times in history where people have been driven through shame to commit suicide uneccesarily because of fear of people's reactions. We look back now and think they needed help, I hope that one day we will about this type of behaviour. Sadly there are some (including some in authority) who believe that this is deserved. I think thats sickening, suicide is never a solution, to anything.
There will never be an opprtunity now to establish the reasons behind the images being there and your husbands active role in their presence being established. It's a crying shame that he couldn't see a future for himself and he thought you would be better off without him. His family's attitude is unbearable, that they were so indoctrinated about this type of alleged offence that they judged immediately, without question, says more about them.
Try to remember the kind and loving man you knew. We've all done things that we regret, that we would never reveal to others, that thing shouldn't define us, we are all capable of many things, good and bad.
I hope you are able to find peace and strength in your life and that you are able to find joy in your future.
Best wishes
Jaded.
Oh Sporty,
God bless you flower.... my hub was found guilty of 203 images. It wasnt him, the shame took him to dark place, But thankfully he is coming out.. Remember your hubby in a positive light, the good man you knew.. he has left a legacy for you to cherish. The images are nothing now. He was troubled man, nothing else. I trully hope you find strength to get through.. sending a massive hug xxxx
God bless you flower.... my hub was found guilty of 203 images. It wasnt him, the shame took him to dark place, But thankfully he is coming out.. Remember your hubby in a positive light, the good man you knew.. he has left a legacy for you to cherish. The images are nothing now. He was troubled man, nothing else. I trully hope you find strength to get through.. sending a massive hug xxxx