Social Services
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We are at the beginning of the journey, he was arrested and charged last week, pled guilty in magistrates and is remanded in curators awaiting sentencing (for his own safety due to being suicidal at the time). he was not felt to be risk to me or the kids
The charges relate to attempted online sexual contact and attempt to incite, thank god it was a police officer although I know that doesn't matter in court.
we have kids age 7 and 10 and awaiting outcome from social services of the multi professional meeting.
it seems a minefield and it has all happened so fast, I'm terrified of saying the wrong thing to social services.
I will prioritise the kids at all times but he has never given me reason to worry about our own kids before, I can also see the potential damage from him not being able to see or be with the kids.
I think our marriage is over but it's too early to decide, so he is unlikely to be living back at home, but I want the best for the kids and not seeing their dad wouldn't be the best.
what are people experiences of what has been the most helpful approach or things to say?
I know I must be the protective parent and that I would want them to feel that any supervision could be done by me.
thanks in advance
The charges relate to attempted online sexual contact and attempt to incite, thank god it was a police officer although I know that doesn't matter in court.
we have kids age 7 and 10 and awaiting outcome from social services of the multi professional meeting.
it seems a minefield and it has all happened so fast, I'm terrified of saying the wrong thing to social services.
I will prioritise the kids at all times but he has never given me reason to worry about our own kids before, I can also see the potential damage from him not being able to see or be with the kids.
I think our marriage is over but it's too early to decide, so he is unlikely to be living back at home, but I want the best for the kids and not seeing their dad wouldn't be the best.
what are people experiences of what has been the most helpful approach or things to say?
I know I must be the protective parent and that I would want them to feel that any supervision could be done by me.
thanks in advance
Sorry to jump on your post but i also have a question regarding social services and wondered if any of you all have ever dealt with the word "Safe Place", and have ever been told their partners can "never return home" and have managed to have a positive outcome in getting your oh's home?
Hi Cocoa,
What stage are you at with ss? They throw a lot of these statements around but they don't hold any legal powers until they take you to court (I'm not saying that they will take you to court). I haven't dealt with safe place but from what I can see they are locations for young people to go if they feel at risk. Have your children expressed anything to you or ss? If you feel able to share a bit more there should be somebody who can advise. Have a look on your local authority's childrens services page to see how they are supposed to conduct assessments and the escalation process. If you and your oh are willing to do some work then it is possible to get him home. Most sw are not trained to do risk assessments on offenders so saying things like he'll never be allowed home in the hope that you choose to walk away is better for them. Look at independent risk assessments and suggest this to your sw. Most LAs won't fund it until they've followed an escalation process but showing you're aware of them and also doing safeguarding courses will be beneficial xxx
What stage are you at with ss? They throw a lot of these statements around but they don't hold any legal powers until they take you to court (I'm not saying that they will take you to court). I haven't dealt with safe place but from what I can see they are locations for young people to go if they feel at risk. Have your children expressed anything to you or ss? If you feel able to share a bit more there should be somebody who can advise. Have a look on your local authority's childrens services page to see how they are supposed to conduct assessments and the escalation process. If you and your oh are willing to do some work then it is possible to get him home. Most sw are not trained to do risk assessments on offenders so saying things like he'll never be allowed home in the hope that you choose to walk away is better for them. Look at independent risk assessments and suggest this to your sw. Most LAs won't fund it until they've followed an escalation process but showing you're aware of them and also doing safeguarding courses will be beneficial xxx
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So any advice from anyone please? i am now at a complete and utter loss of what to do.
SS are at a stand of him never returning home even with any work done with anything, solicitors are basically saying do what they say. I don't want to breach any saftey plans with the risk of my child being taken away from me!.
I just feel like there is no hope in ever getting me OH home now.
SS are at a stand of him never returning home even with any work done with anything, solicitors are basically saying do what they say. I don't want to breach any saftey plans with the risk of my child being taken away from me!.
I just feel like there is no hope in ever getting me OH home now.
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Hi Cocoa,
we are also post sentencing, ss have told us my oh can never return home and we are fighting to move forward.
1) what courses have you done? You need to show you are proactive and know how to protect.
-there is the lff partners course
-stop so partners course
-breaking the cycle NOP course
-any safeguarding course, NSPCC have some. There are other posts on here about good ones to do
-write your own safety plan
2) what do your oh visor/offender manager and probation officer think?
-ours are very pro my oh coming home and are helping us fight
3) an independent risk assessment, we were going to pay for one of these. But our case got escalated by ss so now they are funding it
4) be clear about what you want, all communication in writing. If they visit you follow it up in an email
5) do you have a family law solicitor? Until we got into plo all the solicitors we contacted said do what ss say or they can take your children-they can't just do that. Now we have been escalated we have legal aid so have a solicitor who gives actual advice, they are helping us to move forward as a family
Don't breach the safety plan at all, as you need to be protective. You need to work with them, but be contacting them and saying you want to move forward. Have contact in the home, or be the main supervisor as a start. Ask how this can happen, talk to the manager if your sw isn't being helpful.
it is a really hard journey and is a lot of fighting, for me I want a future as a family so I am fighting all the way. It is very hard and scary to disagree with ss, but it can be done.
Always acknowledge he is a risk, but now it is known so it should be managed.
what are his ShPO conditions? As that will really affect how you can fight xx
we are also post sentencing, ss have told us my oh can never return home and we are fighting to move forward.
1) what courses have you done? You need to show you are proactive and know how to protect.
-there is the lff partners course
-stop so partners course
-breaking the cycle NOP course
-any safeguarding course, NSPCC have some. There are other posts on here about good ones to do
-write your own safety plan
2) what do your oh visor/offender manager and probation officer think?
-ours are very pro my oh coming home and are helping us fight
3) an independent risk assessment, we were going to pay for one of these. But our case got escalated by ss so now they are funding it
4) be clear about what you want, all communication in writing. If they visit you follow it up in an email
5) do you have a family law solicitor? Until we got into plo all the solicitors we contacted said do what ss say or they can take your children-they can't just do that. Now we have been escalated we have legal aid so have a solicitor who gives actual advice, they are helping us to move forward as a family
Don't breach the safety plan at all, as you need to be protective. You need to work with them, but be contacting them and saying you want to move forward. Have contact in the home, or be the main supervisor as a start. Ask how this can happen, talk to the manager if your sw isn't being helpful.
it is a really hard journey and is a lot of fighting, for me I want a future as a family so I am fighting all the way. It is very hard and scary to disagree with ss, but it can be done.
Always acknowledge he is a risk, but now it is known so it should be managed.
what are his ShPO conditions? As that will really affect how you can fight xx
Hey, Hope this helps a few bullet points.
-I have done, Level 1-3 safe guarding children.
-i had done my own saftey plan and they just took one thing off it and disregarded the others to do with him being in the home.
-Probation at the moment just say they can never say never and to not get him hopes up.
-Child was conceived after sentencing, we are now nearly a year into SS involvement as they came very close to baby's due date.
-Child is on CPP still.
- Have always said he's a risk and is manageable, i just feel as baby was born after conviction they're making a stance to never allow him home, which is unfair as surely he deserves the change to prove himself to not be the worst person in the world in their eyes?
- He has 10 Years on both with,
Not to knowingly have unsupervised contact with any child under the age of 16 years, unless the parents/guardian of any child knowledge of his offending, or that the person supervising has been approved by children’s services.
and internet based only.
And just to add over SW manager and their manager are also dead against not changing their opinion on him coming home.
Charges are low amount of images and distribution. no chats with a child etc
xxx
-I have done, Level 1-3 safe guarding children.
-i had done my own saftey plan and they just took one thing off it and disregarded the others to do with him being in the home.
-Probation at the moment just say they can never say never and to not get him hopes up.
-Child was conceived after sentencing, we are now nearly a year into SS involvement as they came very close to baby's due date.
-Child is on CPP still.
- Have always said he's a risk and is manageable, i just feel as baby was born after conviction they're making a stance to never allow him home, which is unfair as surely he deserves the change to prove himself to not be the worst person in the world in their eyes?
- He has 10 Years on both with,
Not to knowingly have unsupervised contact with any child under the age of 16 years, unless the parents/guardian of any child knowledge of his offending, or that the person supervising has been approved by children’s services.
and internet based only.
And just to add over SW manager and their manager are also dead against not changing their opinion on him coming home.
Charges are low amount of images and distribution. no chats with a child etc
xxx
Update on my situation (and thank you for advice so far) is that sentencing was delayed til 19th December.
kids are desperate to see him, it's all they are asking for Christmas. Social worker has seen them and they both said dad is kind funny nice etc. She said if he's released though there is to be no contact until they have done their risk assessments.
I've challenged this as it will devastate the kids if they don't see him on Christmas Day. He will be living elsewhere and I have already been looking at safety plans.
im not sure how much I can push for supervised contact on Christmas Day without being seen to be uncooperative (we don't have funds etc for legal battles)
any advice on the arrangements for contact soon after release would be great and things I can do to show what I'm doing.
I've got safeguarding training through work, I've signed up for Inform course, I've started counselling sessions, I've started working on a family safety plan already
kids are desperate to see him, it's all they are asking for Christmas. Social worker has seen them and they both said dad is kind funny nice etc. She said if he's released though there is to be no contact until they have done their risk assessments.
I've challenged this as it will devastate the kids if they don't see him on Christmas Day. He will be living elsewhere and I have already been looking at safety plans.
im not sure how much I can push for supervised contact on Christmas Day without being seen to be uncooperative (we don't have funds etc for legal battles)
any advice on the arrangements for contact soon after release would be great and things I can do to show what I'm doing.
I've got safeguarding training through work, I've signed up for Inform course, I've started counselling sessions, I've started working on a family safety plan already
Is there a chance you can meet them half way and meet up with him outside the house on Christmas day? In a public place and supervised, shouldn't be a problem?
I guess that will have to be my backup plan. The kids have never had Xmas without both of us there and although I will find it hard I was hoping he'd be able to come over so they could open their presents etc at home
Hi,
Have they referred to you as a protective factor at any point during meetings or in emails? I pointed out that if I was a protective factor that doesn't change if I'm in a McDonald's or my home. I would take the approach that they need to assess you before Christmas so that you can have him over for opening presents and hopefully dinner too. You can ask for this without seeming pushy etc, although these are our children's lives so why wouldn't we be pushy. They shouldn't be doing an assessment on dad unless they are qualified to do risk assessments for sexual offences. You can ask what assessment they are hoping to do before allowing you to supervise anywhere. Sending love and strength xxx
Have they referred to you as a protective factor at any point during meetings or in emails? I pointed out that if I was a protective factor that doesn't change if I'm in a McDonald's or my home. I would take the approach that they need to assess you before Christmas so that you can have him over for opening presents and hopefully dinner too. You can ask for this without seeming pushy etc, although these are our children's lives so why wouldn't we be pushy. They shouldn't be doing an assessment on dad unless they are qualified to do risk assessments for sexual offences. You can ask what assessment they are hoping to do before allowing you to supervise anywhere. Sending love and strength xxx
Thanks, it's still in s47 enquiries as he was only arrested nov 10th and has been remanded in custody since as risk to himself.
The haven't referred to me as a protective factor when speaking with me, but I've stressed all through conversations and sent an email today to confirm all the things I'm putting in place and also the things he is doing if released
All through I've been clear that the kids are my priority and that their safety comes first.
In my email I've also reiterated that we are keen to work with them to ensure that the kids can see their dad at Christmas. I'll be following up on Monday and throughout next week.
The haven't referred to me as a protective factor when speaking with me, but I've stressed all through conversations and sent an email today to confirm all the things I'm putting in place and also the things he is doing if released
All through I've been clear that the kids are my priority and that their safety comes first.
In my email I've also reiterated that we are keen to work with them to ensure that the kids can see their dad at Christmas. I'll be following up on Monday and throughout next week.
@GZ
If you don't mind me asking how are you getting on? need a glimmer of hope if you have any?
we are still at the same position as yourself in regards to the 'family law solicitor' we aren't at PLO as still complying with ss and hopefully being stepped down to child in need but not happy with they're not allowing partner home ever.
Any advice? :)
If you don't mind me asking how are you getting on? need a glimmer of hope if you have any?
we are still at the same position as yourself in regards to the 'family law solicitor' we aren't at PLO as still complying with ss and hopefully being stepped down to child in need but not happy with they're not allowing partner home ever.
Any advice? :)
@cocoa2009 I am so sorry to hear what you're going through. May I ask what your OH has been convicted for?
My husband is currently released under investigation for making/distributing indecent images on KIK.
We have two small kids (2 1/2 and 11 months) and my husband is allowed to stay at home under a safety plan.
I really fear that might change though if and when he is convicted.
I second what other posters are saying. Keep fighting for your family, keep pushing. Educate yourself on risks, take as many courses as possible. Social Services can't keep you apart forever.
Remember, social services want to close the case and get you off their workload. The best way to do that is drive a wedge between you and your partner. That's also why they are so adamant that he can never come home - it makes it easy for them.
My husband is currently released under investigation for making/distributing indecent images on KIK.
We have two small kids (2 1/2 and 11 months) and my husband is allowed to stay at home under a safety plan.
I really fear that might change though if and when he is convicted.
I second what other posters are saying. Keep fighting for your family, keep pushing. Educate yourself on risks, take as many courses as possible. Social Services can't keep you apart forever.
Remember, social services want to close the case and get you off their workload. The best way to do that is drive a wedge between you and your partner. That's also why they are so adamant that he can never come home - it makes it easy for them.