How to deal with OH's mental health?
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My OH is remanded in prison and has basically implied if he gets too long of a sentence he will commit suicide. He said "well it goes through your mind in here". I am at a loss as to what to do. I have been here for him since the day he was arrested and have been extremely supportive, researched everything about sentencing guidelines and prisons and courses, we have spoken about getting married and how I'd wait for him no matter how long the sentence. He has said he can't understand why I am still here. And now it feels like all of his words about us getting married and settling down having a quiet life together are hollow after making it sound like if it's "too long" a sentence in his mind he will just give up as he has "made his decisions"! He is not on any medication and we are waiting for a psych report to come back to assess if he should be on any or has any mental health problems. I hope that it says he does so he can get medication.
I was fearful of his sentence before but now I am so fearful if the judge gives my OH a longer sentence he will kill himself that same night and I'll never see him again. It's not fair to put that kind of pressure on me and his family when I could have walked away considering the nature of these crimes. I don't want to play "games" with suicide threats like this, I don't have the mental strength to cope with his sentencing, sorting all of the finances and house as he was remanded, and trying to be there to support his mental health, when he is threatening suicide. It comes across as selfish and ungrateful considering what he did and I'm still here supporting him!
Sorry for the rant I am just at a loss as to what to do. I brought him in a belt for his court clothes and he has one on his dressing gown too and now I am regretting bringing him them both. If I tell the prison I am worried about him he might just get angry with me that I got him on suicide watch or something. I don't know what to do anymore it's the first time he has suggested something like this
I was fearful of his sentence before but now I am so fearful if the judge gives my OH a longer sentence he will kill himself that same night and I'll never see him again. It's not fair to put that kind of pressure on me and his family when I could have walked away considering the nature of these crimes. I don't want to play "games" with suicide threats like this, I don't have the mental strength to cope with his sentencing, sorting all of the finances and house as he was remanded, and trying to be there to support his mental health, when he is threatening suicide. It comes across as selfish and ungrateful considering what he did and I'm still here supporting him!
Sorry for the rant I am just at a loss as to what to do. I brought him in a belt for his court clothes and he has one on his dressing gown too and now I am regretting bringing him them both. If I tell the prison I am worried about him he might just get angry with me that I got him on suicide watch or something. I don't know what to do anymore it's the first time he has suggested something like this
Lucy22
If you believe your OH might take his life then I feel you should let the prison know - how would you feel if he made the attempt and you hadn't raised your concerns? . Far better that he be angry but still alive, surely?
Your anger about his threats is understandable. A friend of mine td me about a former partner who kept co tacting her threatening to kill himself after she left him. All though that was a very different situation to yours, to me your frustration with your OH feels the same. I'm thinking this is a very normal response under the circumstances even though you are very worried about him.
I would hope of you contacted the prison they would provide some support such as counselling, rather than simply put him on suicide watch. Perhaps when you contact them to voice your concerns, you could ask them what they intend to do?
If you believe your OH might take his life then I feel you should let the prison know - how would you feel if he made the attempt and you hadn't raised your concerns? . Far better that he be angry but still alive, surely?
Your anger about his threats is understandable. A friend of mine td me about a former partner who kept co tacting her threatening to kill himself after she left him. All though that was a very different situation to yours, to me your frustration with your OH feels the same. I'm thinking this is a very normal response under the circumstances even though you are very worried about him.
I would hope of you contacted the prison they would provide some support such as counselling, rather than simply put him on suicide watch. Perhaps when you contact them to voice your concerns, you could ask them what they intend to do?
Bitterbean that's a good point. I am mainly concerned depending on his length sentence. If it's in the realms of what I believe he thinks is "acceptable" then I am not so worried about him, it all depends on the judge on the day. It is so frustrating and he is getting no support inside. Apparently counselling is only offered after sentencing and even then it's apparently difficult to get medication regularly so I don't have much hope he will be supported in a prison environment. I think if he carries on speaking this way I will contact the prison and ask what the procedure is for someone threatening to hurt themselves, I don't care if it makes him angry with me I'd rather he be alive and angry at me than dead and I didn't do enough to save him
Hi Lucy,
I sympathies with your situation, it is hard to know what to do on the outside. As BitterBean said, if you think it's genuine I'd call the prision and speak to the Safer Custody Team. If he's just saying it out if exasperation, that seems very unfair on you.
He should also have access to Mental Health Wellbeing number, encourage him to call that, they'd make their own assessment if he mentioned how he felt. If he was identified as at risk of self he'd be put under ACCT - Might be worth a Google. My person was recently in a cell with someone on it.
I sympathies with your situation, it is hard to know what to do on the outside. As BitterBean said, if you think it's genuine I'd call the prision and speak to the Safer Custody Team. If he's just saying it out if exasperation, that seems very unfair on you.
He should also have access to Mental Health Wellbeing number, encourage him to call that, they'd make their own assessment if he mentioned how he felt. If he was identified as at risk of self he'd be put under ACCT - Might be worth a Google. My person was recently in a cell with someone on it.
Hi SAL,
I think I will ring safer custody. He phones me every morning without fail before I go to work and this morning he hasn't, even though he promised he would. I was so worried last night I said will you even be here in the morning to phone me and he joked "yeah I have a book to finish", and the very morning after he talks about suicide he doesn't call. I'm worried sick I've had to call in sick to work as I can't cope with this anxiety. I will look into the mental health wellbeing number but he has not told anyone about these suicidal thoughts so the prison won't know he is at risk! He has said before he has imagined what the last phone call with me might be like, how I'd have no idea it's the last one but he would know
I think I will ring safer custody. He phones me every morning without fail before I go to work and this morning he hasn't, even though he promised he would. I was so worried last night I said will you even be here in the morning to phone me and he joked "yeah I have a book to finish", and the very morning after he talks about suicide he doesn't call. I'm worried sick I've had to call in sick to work as I can't cope with this anxiety. I will look into the mental health wellbeing number but he has not told anyone about these suicidal thoughts so the prison won't know he is at risk! He has said before he has imagined what the last phone call with me might be like, how I'd have no idea it's the last one but he would know
Hi Lucy,
Do make a call to the safer custody team. I wanted to offer some comfort to you. All phone calls are monitored so they may have moved him to a different cell because of what he said on the phone to you last night. Sending love xxx
Do make a call to the safer custody team. I wanted to offer some comfort to you. All phone calls are monitored so they may have moved him to a different cell because of what he said on the phone to you last night. Sending love xxx
He has just phoned, he had been asked to go to reception to collect something first. I brought up last night and he almost defiantly said "dunno", like his tone of voice was immature and he won't actually discuss it. I don't know if he is just threatening things to get a reaction out of me or if he truly means it but it is exactly the same tone of voice he would use when he was being selfish and immature about other things before this came to light. I also don't know if he is not saying it properly because he knows the calls are monitored and doesn't want the prison to try and stop him!
I don't think all calls are monitored. This would be a huge drain on resources. They may listen randomly or if they have reason to suspect they may need to - So don't rely on this being picked up through calls. From my experience there is no initiative to consider the welfare of prisoners unless something actually physically happens or concerns are explicitly raised by the prisoner or a loved one.
Having a relationship in prison requires a huge about of teamwork, forgiveness, understanding and support from both parties. Have you explained to him how you feel? That perhaps he needs some help that you can't provide.
What I would say, this part leading up to sentencing is very very hard. You are imagining with worst whilst occasionally holding onto the light for the best. When he knows what he's working with for sentencing it might bring a bit of focus on how to get through it. I don't want to demish how he might be feeling but I think there is only one way to get through a prison sentence and that is to accept and not having self pity. He is and as are you in a very difficult position, I can't imagine how it must feel to be on remand without the same access to tools and support there is on the outside, but you are both in this situation and you both have your mental wellbeing to look after.
Having a relationship in prison requires a huge about of teamwork, forgiveness, understanding and support from both parties. Have you explained to him how you feel? That perhaps he needs some help that you can't provide.
What I would say, this part leading up to sentencing is very very hard. You are imagining with worst whilst occasionally holding onto the light for the best. When he knows what he's working with for sentencing it might bring a bit of focus on how to get through it. I don't want to demish how he might be feeling but I think there is only one way to get through a prison sentence and that is to accept and not having self pity. He is and as are you in a very difficult position, I can't imagine how it must feel to be on remand without the same access to tools and support there is on the outside, but you are both in this situation and you both have your mental wellbeing to look after.
I get the impression from my son (in prison) the mental health of the inmates is took seriously. At first he was assigned 'a buddy' who supported him in the early days and his mental health has been checked (he's on antidepressants) throughout four moves.
As the girls say I'd definitely mention it to give you peace of mind they are aware of his struggles. Please please remember to look after yourself too x
As the girls say I'd definitely mention it to give you peace of mind they are aware of his struggles. Please please remember to look after yourself too x
Lucy22
My son was suicidal from the day of the knock
He even sorted a kit to keep in his car should he need it, for 16 months while understand investigation I was so worried when he went out, and he had to txt me every day once he got to work and when he was leaving so I worked out when he would be home, honestly I lived on my nerves
Then we had the second knock and they had more evidence and that was the last time he was home, he was held on remand the next 6 months was hell, he was so desperate and scared and wanted to end his life, he was put on what they call an act so they monitor him but fast forward since sentancing and moved to an SO prison he is still here, he is ok and we have learned to live a new normal, we have video calls, visits but the most important part for me is he is still here so I am so grateful for that
There is help and support but he needs to ask and if you are concerned about how he is please phone the prison xx
My son was suicidal from the day of the knock
He even sorted a kit to keep in his car should he need it, for 16 months while understand investigation I was so worried when he went out, and he had to txt me every day once he got to work and when he was leaving so I worked out when he would be home, honestly I lived on my nerves
Then we had the second knock and they had more evidence and that was the last time he was home, he was held on remand the next 6 months was hell, he was so desperate and scared and wanted to end his life, he was put on what they call an act so they monitor him but fast forward since sentancing and moved to an SO prison he is still here, he is ok and we have learned to live a new normal, we have video calls, visits but the most important part for me is he is still here so I am so grateful for that
There is help and support but he needs to ask and if you are concerned about how he is please phone the prison xx
Hi everyone thank you for your replies, I took a break from the forum over the weekend as everything was getting to me. Me and my OH had a few long chats and I believe if he gets a "long" sentence I will tell the prison ASAP that I am worried about him. I have heard it is actually quite difficult to commit suicide in prison but you never know people do find ways. He has been imagining the worst case scenario but when talking over the weekend I told him I'm terrified I will only see him a few more times because he has made it sound like he will kill himself the night of sentencing if he gets the worst scenario. To which he said "well I'm not sure that will actually happen realistically, as I've pleaded guilty at the first opportunity and cooperated with the police by telling them everything and I want to get better, so actually maybe I won't get the worst case scenario"... It is so frustrating!! It is not like I can see his facial expressions or body language either to gauge how he is feeling!
He also said talking about suicide and actually going through with it are very different things, that people can want to do it badly but don't actually go through with it. He thinks he could never actually go through with it but I'm terrified he will get to such a dark place that he will. Or that maybe he is saying that so I won't worry whilst he secretly plans how to do it! He has said before he has imagined how he would do it. But considering he has said right now he is not suicidal and he wants to get through this, that he is confident he can get through this depending on the length of his sentence, I can't imagine him suddenly being able to flip a switch on sentencing day and be like "right okay time to kill myself then" without even trying to get through any more time in prison. It is so hard to know what to think! I have had my own share of mental health problems and he brought up how I used to be suicidal and speak about doing it but would never have actually gone through with it, to try and make me feel better I guess. But I was not in prison with those feelings at the time! I was safe and had his support and a therapist!
He said he feels as though he has nothing to come out of prison to as I won't forgive him and neither will my family or his. But forgiveness takes time who knows how anyone will feel by the time he comes home!! Especially if he works on himself to better himself.
He hears stories in prison about people getting recalled for tiny things and thinks he can never live a normal life again and will be stuck in the prison system forever getting recalled by missing an appointment or accidentally deleting internet history etc. Everyone in prison also tells him how I will eventually leave so he makes comments like "you're only here for now" and "you won't be here when I'm out" and "everyone's girlfriend says they'll stay but they always leave". I told him people go to prison for far longer sentences and he said "they're not me", it's exasperating! When I've said I will wait for him and we can get through this together he has said "but you're not in prison". I just want to shout well you put yourself there!!
I feel so alone trying to help him as he won't open up to his parents at all, and they won't ask him questions about his mental health either. It's like both sides are sweeping it under the rug, his parents are afraid of saying anything that might make his mental health worse so it's like they ignore it in front of him.
There are listeners on the wing but apparently they gossip so he has not spoken to anyone about these feelings. I don't know who else he could speak to as I'm worried he would rather keep it all secret so he can go through with committing suicide than actually try to get through it all as getting through it will be a lot harder work
He wants to go on meds but is also worried about having a clear head and healthier state of mind that the gravity of what he did will hit him and he will have to spend his time in prison facing what he's done thinking more clearly than he does right now whilst not on meds
Upset mum that must have been so worrying for you I don't know how you coped with that! How is your son now in a SO prison? Is his mental health better? Are SO prisons better than the VP wings of normal prisons?
Sorry for the long rant again! It is good to get it off my chest though
He also said talking about suicide and actually going through with it are very different things, that people can want to do it badly but don't actually go through with it. He thinks he could never actually go through with it but I'm terrified he will get to such a dark place that he will. Or that maybe he is saying that so I won't worry whilst he secretly plans how to do it! He has said before he has imagined how he would do it. But considering he has said right now he is not suicidal and he wants to get through this, that he is confident he can get through this depending on the length of his sentence, I can't imagine him suddenly being able to flip a switch on sentencing day and be like "right okay time to kill myself then" without even trying to get through any more time in prison. It is so hard to know what to think! I have had my own share of mental health problems and he brought up how I used to be suicidal and speak about doing it but would never have actually gone through with it, to try and make me feel better I guess. But I was not in prison with those feelings at the time! I was safe and had his support and a therapist!
He said he feels as though he has nothing to come out of prison to as I won't forgive him and neither will my family or his. But forgiveness takes time who knows how anyone will feel by the time he comes home!! Especially if he works on himself to better himself.
He hears stories in prison about people getting recalled for tiny things and thinks he can never live a normal life again and will be stuck in the prison system forever getting recalled by missing an appointment or accidentally deleting internet history etc. Everyone in prison also tells him how I will eventually leave so he makes comments like "you're only here for now" and "you won't be here when I'm out" and "everyone's girlfriend says they'll stay but they always leave". I told him people go to prison for far longer sentences and he said "they're not me", it's exasperating! When I've said I will wait for him and we can get through this together he has said "but you're not in prison". I just want to shout well you put yourself there!!
I feel so alone trying to help him as he won't open up to his parents at all, and they won't ask him questions about his mental health either. It's like both sides are sweeping it under the rug, his parents are afraid of saying anything that might make his mental health worse so it's like they ignore it in front of him.
There are listeners on the wing but apparently they gossip so he has not spoken to anyone about these feelings. I don't know who else he could speak to as I'm worried he would rather keep it all secret so he can go through with committing suicide than actually try to get through it all as getting through it will be a lot harder work
He wants to go on meds but is also worried about having a clear head and healthier state of mind that the gravity of what he did will hit him and he will have to spend his time in prison facing what he's done thinking more clearly than he does right now whilst not on meds
Upset mum that must have been so worrying for you I don't know how you coped with that! How is your son now in a SO prison? Is his mental health better? Are SO prisons better than the VP wings of normal prisons?
Sorry for the long rant again! It is good to get it off my chest though
Lucy, I do get where you are coming from. I think the fundamental problem for us partners and close relatives of offenders is that we want to support them but it is made hard because we are so suffering. In the case of partners (certainly my own) they don't recognise the extent that we are suffering too, because they are so wrapped up in their own misery and problems. So we end up trying to provide support but we ourselves are not supported. On top of it all when they start feeling sorry for themselves it can be hard to feel sympathetic when you remember that their actions are the cause of it all.
I'm not sure I'm making sense, but I guess I'm trying to say that the way you are feeling is understandable and pretty normal under the circumstances, and I'm sure many people reading your post would recognise how you are feeling.
I'm not sure I'm making sense, but I guess I'm trying to say that the way you are feeling is understandable and pretty normal under the circumstances, and I'm sure many people reading your post would recognise how you are feeling.
I'm sure Upset will agree. SO prisons feel much safer, my son has been in three over his two years in custody.
During his time he says no one discusses what they are in for, that way it's on a level plane and that includes lifers. Odd times people 'kick off' but it's more personality clashes or over grievances.
what worries me Lucy - is your health and well being - I know worrying about your person seems paramount esp as you worry he could take his life, but please please try to step back and think about yourself too - you matter, you might need support too x hug x
During his time he says no one discusses what they are in for, that way it's on a level plane and that includes lifers. Odd times people 'kick off' but it's more personality clashes or over grievances.
what worries me Lucy - is your health and well being - I know worrying about your person seems paramount esp as you worry he could take his life, but please please try to step back and think about yourself too - you matter, you might need support too x hug x
Bitterbean that’s exactly how it feels, my OH is so focused on how he can never live a normal life again, his job prospects, how he’s lost all his friends, it is like he has stopped being grateful that me and his family are all still in his life. Like we aren’t enough for him.
Smile - I’m hopeful if my OH goes to a SO prison he will feel better, he says as he’s in a remand prison people do ask what you’re in for and take an interest. But I am not sure how to take a step back to think of myself when it feels my OH may only be around for another month or so until his sentencing and I only have a month to talk about how I feel about everything until he takes himself away from me…
He has told me exactly how he would do it, but I didn’t think they let prisoners have THAT much medication in their cell. He told me it’s actually quite easy to try and do it, and he found it funny I thought he would get any kind of mental health support in prison. I truly hope it’s just because it’s a remand prison. Someone on the wing tried to do it recently by overdosing
I told him if he gets a long sentence I’ll be on the phone to the prison to let them know I’m worried and he said sarcastically ‘Thanks, you’ll just be making my life harder as I’ll have a mark against my name and it will be harder to move up categories and go through prison’
There is no winning!
Smile - I’m hopeful if my OH goes to a SO prison he will feel better, he says as he’s in a remand prison people do ask what you’re in for and take an interest. But I am not sure how to take a step back to think of myself when it feels my OH may only be around for another month or so until his sentencing and I only have a month to talk about how I feel about everything until he takes himself away from me…
He has told me exactly how he would do it, but I didn’t think they let prisoners have THAT much medication in their cell. He told me it’s actually quite easy to try and do it, and he found it funny I thought he would get any kind of mental health support in prison. I truly hope it’s just because it’s a remand prison. Someone on the wing tried to do it recently by overdosing
I told him if he gets a long sentence I’ll be on the phone to the prison to let them know I’m worried and he said sarcastically ‘Thanks, you’ll just be making my life harder as I’ll have a mark against my name and it will be harder to move up categories and go through prison’
There is no winning!
Hi Lucy22
Remand is not great to be honest as they are mixed, is your OH on the VP wing?
I totally agree on what Smile said about the SO prison they are safe , no one talks about why there there , I know my son has made some friends there and they talk between themselves,
On visits there is no anxiety etc
Just wanted to send hugs xx
Remand is not great to be honest as they are mixed, is your OH on the VP wing?
I totally agree on what Smile said about the SO prison they are safe , no one talks about why there there , I know my son has made some friends there and they talk between themselves,
On visits there is no anxiety etc
Just wanted to send hugs xx
My OH is on the VP wing luckily. I am angry, he called the solicitor today to find out if there are any updates and turns out the solicitor has had his psych report and the SHPO for a fair few days now and is meeting my OH this week to discuss it, but solicitor has not contacted us to update us on any of this!! It feels as though they don’t care!
Solicitor also freaked my OH out by giving examples of sentences that are really long and he was so freaked out he couldn’t remember to ask him anything else after he told him that, he called me in a state of shock. The lengths he gave are even longer than he told us the ‘worst case scenario’ is a few weeks ago, and I am so confused. Do solicitors give longer lengths so that when sentencing happens it looks better on them as a firm?
Solicitor also freaked my OH out by giving examples of sentences that are really long and he was so freaked out he couldn’t remember to ask him anything else after he told him that, he called me in a state of shock. The lengths he gave are even longer than he told us the ‘worst case scenario’ is a few weeks ago, and I am so confused. Do solicitors give longer lengths so that when sentencing happens it looks better on them as a firm?
Hi Lucy, I'm sorry you are going through this and the solicitor hasn't been proactive on contacting you.
Make sure you look at the conditions now on the SHPO and consider if all are relevant and challenge if you don't think they are relevant.
I think each solicitor is different, I felt my person's gave us some extreme examples so the final result appears to be good. They said he had a good outcome, but compared to other sentences I've seen before and after he was given roughly 4 months more than other cases. Realistically all they can do is tell you what the range is, whether there are mitigating or aggravating circumstances.
Make sure you look at the conditions now on the SHPO and consider if all are relevant and challenge if you don't think they are relevant.
I think each solicitor is different, I felt my person's gave us some extreme examples so the final result appears to be good. They said he had a good outcome, but compared to other sentences I've seen before and after he was given roughly 4 months more than other cases. Realistically all they can do is tell you what the range is, whether there are mitigating or aggravating circumstances.
I feel like I am fighting a losing battle, I have spoken to solicitor and he described the psych report to me briefly that the doctor says my OH has a ‘paedophilic interest’, depression and a personality disorder. It’s so horrible hearing that first part about someone you love and I don’t know if anyone else on here has even had that said about their person. He said the psychiatrist said it is all treatable and recommended a number of courses
Solicitor will send me the docs once he has shown them to my OH first as he has the right to read them properly first
I didn’t think it could get any worse but it is, I am even more saddened and heartbroken and I am frightened how my OH will react to hearing that said about himself
Solicitor will send me the docs once he has shown them to my OH first as he has the right to read them properly first
I didn’t think it could get any worse but it is, I am even more saddened and heartbroken and I am frightened how my OH will react to hearing that said about himself
Lucy22
Honestly hun you need to give yourself time to breathe and focus on your wellbeing
You have no control over this journey and it is for now a guess to what sentance he will get,
The psr reports are always going to be tough to hear, as will the charges but you will get through this journey I promise
Solicitors can give there own opinions on what they think the sentancing guidelines are but the only person who has the final decision is the judge on the day
My son is on antidepressants and has to collect his tablets every day he can have them in his own cell,
He is in a much better place now thankfully but we have a long road ahead.
Your other half will be ok and if they see any signs of him not the staff will intervene but there is no harm in you phoning them,
No one can give any answers as to what will or won't happen as we do not have a clue to what is ahead but if you look at how many of us are here sharing our journeys we have all felt exactly the same as you are now and we are all here to offer support for you
Hugs sent xx
Honestly hun you need to give yourself time to breathe and focus on your wellbeing
You have no control over this journey and it is for now a guess to what sentance he will get,
The psr reports are always going to be tough to hear, as will the charges but you will get through this journey I promise
Solicitors can give there own opinions on what they think the sentancing guidelines are but the only person who has the final decision is the judge on the day
My son is on antidepressants and has to collect his tablets every day he can have them in his own cell,
He is in a much better place now thankfully but we have a long road ahead.
Your other half will be ok and if they see any signs of him not the staff will intervene but there is no harm in you phoning them,
No one can give any answers as to what will or won't happen as we do not have a clue to what is ahead but if you look at how many of us are here sharing our journeys we have all felt exactly the same as you are now and we are all here to offer support for you
Hugs sent xx
Upset mum thank you, it’s so hard trying to put myself first when I’ve tried to protect him from himself for so long in various other ways. And now feeling like there is some sort of time limit before he may take his life and leave us all forever. It is true only the judge decides, and it is frustrating that judges are not held to a higher authority either, there should not be such vast differences in sentences for similar crimes.
I hope your son gets through all of this and comes out stronger, he must be grateful having such a supportive mum!
I really hope my OH can get through this. He rang again and he took it surprisingly well some of the things I told him that solicitor said, it’s clear although he feels suicidal about his length of sentence he wants to get better and says he feels sick hearing his charges knowing they’re about him, feels sick knowing what he’s done. He said he never wants to do what he did again, ‘with or without me’ in his life, which I took as a good sign suggesting that he knows he needs to get better for his own good not just to keep me. He wasn’t phased by the use of the P word either and is glad that they recommended courses as it means he’s more likely to receive them once sentenced
It's all so traumatizing and messed up, like he is the person who caused this pain but we are both experiencing the horrible consequences together, trying to be there for each other
It is so helpful having this forum and being able to talk to others who have gone through similar experiences, I don’t know where I’d be without this xx
I hope your son gets through all of this and comes out stronger, he must be grateful having such a supportive mum!
I really hope my OH can get through this. He rang again and he took it surprisingly well some of the things I told him that solicitor said, it’s clear although he feels suicidal about his length of sentence he wants to get better and says he feels sick hearing his charges knowing they’re about him, feels sick knowing what he’s done. He said he never wants to do what he did again, ‘with or without me’ in his life, which I took as a good sign suggesting that he knows he needs to get better for his own good not just to keep me. He wasn’t phased by the use of the P word either and is glad that they recommended courses as it means he’s more likely to receive them once sentenced
It's all so traumatizing and messed up, like he is the person who caused this pain but we are both experiencing the horrible consequences together, trying to be there for each other
It is so helpful having this forum and being able to talk to others who have gone through similar experiences, I don’t know where I’d be without this xx
Lucy22
Glad he sounded a bit better when you spoke
This impacts us all not just the offender
And there is absolutely nothing wrong with the fact you want to support him he is very lucky to have you
And as much as we want to be the strong ones it can hit you like a ton of bricks
Dont neglect yourself as much as you may feel ok step back and breathe and if you need to reach out to your GP
Xx
Glad he sounded a bit better when you spoke
This impacts us all not just the offender
And there is absolutely nothing wrong with the fact you want to support him he is very lucky to have you
And as much as we want to be the strong ones it can hit you like a ton of bricks
Dont neglect yourself as much as you may feel ok step back and breathe and if you need to reach out to your GP
Xx