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Sometimes I wake up and think it's a normal day but then I realize it not, it's a dream a nightmare and then it hits me
Heartache, pain, the not knowing, what did I do, what did I miss, why did I not notice
My life before this was good, and now it is shit. Me being selfish I guess
I hate Thursdays as that was the day of the knock, I hate Wednesday as the day my son went in for the second time for questions the last time he was home,
I hate this journey
I hate how my son was reported in the media
I was in court and I know what he was charged with so why are the police allowed to report on social media the absolute bull and made out to be the worst name you could think of
Lies and bull
Dont get me wrong I don't for one second condone what he has done but I understand now
He wanted to end his life, but yet we are here and our relationship is so much better,
I just wish it was the same before this as we would not be on this horrendous journey
But how could it have been he lived this secret life, he thought nothing of himself, he was loved by us and his friends
But now he has lost them, they have walked away, why? Can they not see what we do cant they see the person he was before this
Honestly I think the hardest part is seeing his friends walk away
As a mum we don't give up, his father doesn't want anything to do with him, but I am grateful to have my beautiful daughter and myself here every step of the way no matter how hard this journey is
Just needed to get this off my chest xx
Heartache, pain, the not knowing, what did I do, what did I miss, why did I not notice
My life before this was good, and now it is shit. Me being selfish I guess
I hate Thursdays as that was the day of the knock, I hate Wednesday as the day my son went in for the second time for questions the last time he was home,
I hate this journey
I hate how my son was reported in the media
I was in court and I know what he was charged with so why are the police allowed to report on social media the absolute bull and made out to be the worst name you could think of
Lies and bull
Dont get me wrong I don't for one second condone what he has done but I understand now
He wanted to end his life, but yet we are here and our relationship is so much better,
I just wish it was the same before this as we would not be on this horrendous journey
But how could it have been he lived this secret life, he thought nothing of himself, he was loved by us and his friends
But now he has lost them, they have walked away, why? Can they not see what we do cant they see the person he was before this
Honestly I think the hardest part is seeing his friends walk away
As a mum we don't give up, his father doesn't want anything to do with him, but I am grateful to have my beautiful daughter and myself here every step of the way no matter how hard this journey is
Just needed to get this off my chest xx
Your son is very lucky to have you, Upset. This is such a hard journey but I can't imagine how hard it must be seeing your child go through this.
Thank you loulou74
You put it so well, UpsetMum.
I was ugly snot crying in Tescos car park last night having almost exactly these thoughts. I think expressing them rather more elegantly on here was a rather more productive and helpful thing.
Sorry you're going through this, but thank you for sharing
x
I was ugly snot crying in Tescos car park last night having almost exactly these thoughts. I think expressing them rather more elegantly on here was a rather more productive and helpful thing.
Sorry you're going through this, but thank you for sharing
x
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My dear Upset
Every word is this resonates with me.
This journey is the hardest thing ever imaginable.
Your son is very lucky to have you and your love for him shines through so I'm sure he knows how very much loved he is.
Sending you so much love and strength xxx
Every word is this resonates with me.
This journey is the hardest thing ever imaginable.
Your son is very lucky to have you and your love for him shines through so I'm sure he knows how very much loved he is.
Sending you so much love and strength xxx
Hi K4
I totally get the ugly snot crying ( made me smile) this journey is just the most painful unimaginable thing we will ever have to face and go through but we will all get there so much strength in each and everyone of us (even when sometimes it doesn't feel like it) x
Seaside thank you and I hope you are holding up ok xx
Smile my dear friend hugs sent to you
I often find myself talking to him also pair of loonys we are lol
We are there every step of the way, and out sons are very fortunate to have us and we are to have them
Xx
I totally get the ugly snot crying ( made me smile) this journey is just the most painful unimaginable thing we will ever have to face and go through but we will all get there so much strength in each and everyone of us (even when sometimes it doesn't feel like it) x
Seaside thank you and I hope you are holding up ok xx
Smile my dear friend hugs sent to you
I often find myself talking to him also pair of loonys we are lol
We are there every step of the way, and out sons are very fortunate to have us and we are to have them
Xx
You are incredible Mothers, nothing more to say x
To all you incredible mums, we walk in solidarity and have empathy for each other . We and our sons will be okay , some journeys are longer , some journeys are more challenging , yes this journey is life changing but we will move into a new normal With our heads held high , knowing that we have supported our sons to reflect, be responsible and accountable for their action to address their behaviour. They are good people that have done a bad thing and this will not define them.
love to all maij x
love to all maij x
That's lovely Maij.
Ok this crime is not like nicking a bag of crisps but my son has never done anything wrong in his life. He certainly deserves a chance.
I desperately want to see him move on - yes with head held high....
Ok this crime is not like nicking a bag of crisps but my son has never done anything wrong in his life. He certainly deserves a chance.
I desperately want to see him move on - yes with head held high....
Upset Mum, I could have written that myself. The how and why still eludes me and although I try not to blame myself, I can't help wondering if I did something wrong, or if there's something in his past that I don't know about.
His friends walking away is, I agree, one of the most painful things. He was very popular and I often had a houseful of his friends; I miss that in itself. I am angry with them for abandoning him, but before I went on this hideous journey I would have done the same, I'm sure.
Sending hugs and solidarity to all us mums xx
And hi Maij - hope you're OK? xx
His friends walking away is, I agree, one of the most painful things. He was very popular and I often had a houseful of his friends; I miss that in itself. I am angry with them for abandoning him, but before I went on this hideous journey I would have done the same, I'm sure.
Sending hugs and solidarity to all us mums xx
And hi Maij - hope you're OK? xx
Maij
Thank you x
Smile my son also the same
Never once had he been in trouble:-( xx
Thank you x
Smile my son also the same
Never once had he been in trouble:-( xx
hi Lola53 !!
I have missed you on the forum and often wonder how you and your son are doing ? Xx
Thank you I can ditto your comments . I do hope you are okay! This is a crippling journey even though we have come out the other end of the justice system, I still struggle with my thoughts, ya know the why's, what if's , blaming myself dah deh dah I just perseverate on that all the time and what with everyday life issues , it just gets too much recently . My music lifts my spirits , so i need to do more of that!
where are you in your journey? Don't worry if you don't want to say or talk about it . I do pray for a positive outcome for you and your son and I hope its not long before you know.
my son is now looking for a new career , things do look more positive and he is in a better place and he seems to be moving forward although , there continues to be worries that I think will always be there but will fade as time gones on. Having said that I do think we need reminders of what could have been if we had the knock, so those reminders are a deterrent in away .
i recently completed the inform course its taken me two years to do it, kept booking but just general life got in the way . I found this really useful, very informative and the facilitators were so empathetic and understanding. i met some lovely ladies all from different backgrounds, different circumstances and we shared our experiences. There was another mum in the group and that was really helpful . So something to think about for all , it may be beneficial for you too. Of course, you may have done it already.
loloa53 , go well, and all you other mums I wish you well too. Smile and upset, you've truly made a bond , I hope you get to meet one day to make your virtual friendship real.
take care all
maij x
I have missed you on the forum and often wonder how you and your son are doing ? Xx
Thank you I can ditto your comments . I do hope you are okay! This is a crippling journey even though we have come out the other end of the justice system, I still struggle with my thoughts, ya know the why's, what if's , blaming myself dah deh dah I just perseverate on that all the time and what with everyday life issues , it just gets too much recently . My music lifts my spirits , so i need to do more of that!
where are you in your journey? Don't worry if you don't want to say or talk about it . I do pray for a positive outcome for you and your son and I hope its not long before you know.
my son is now looking for a new career , things do look more positive and he is in a better place and he seems to be moving forward although , there continues to be worries that I think will always be there but will fade as time gones on. Having said that I do think we need reminders of what could have been if we had the knock, so those reminders are a deterrent in away .
i recently completed the inform course its taken me two years to do it, kept booking but just general life got in the way . I found this really useful, very informative and the facilitators were so empathetic and understanding. i met some lovely ladies all from different backgrounds, different circumstances and we shared our experiences. There was another mum in the group and that was really helpful . So something to think about for all , it may be beneficial for you too. Of course, you may have done it already.
loloa53 , go well, and all you other mums I wish you well too. Smile and upset, you've truly made a bond , I hope you get to meet one day to make your virtual friendship real.
take care all
maij x
Yes Upset and I have formed a bond - I think our stories are so similar and our sons both in prison for about the same length of time.
I will never forget how she offered to come with me to visit my son - doesn't know me, doesn't know where I live etc. I was truly knocked back by that - there are angels, and Upset is one of them...
I will never forget how she offered to come with me to visit my son - doesn't know me, doesn't know where I live etc. I was truly knocked back by that - there are angels, and Upset is one of them...
Lola53
Its lovely to hear from you and I hope you and your son are doing ok xx
Smile that is lovely of you to say that but honestly I would go with you to see your son as I know how tough it is the offer will always be there and we can make it happen when LFF sort the messaging app but that is only if and when you are ready to, and if not we will still have our bond through here xx
Its lovely to hear from you and I hope you and your son are doing ok xx
Smile that is lovely of you to say that but honestly I would go with you to see your son as I know how tough it is the offer will always be there and we can make it happen when LFF sort the messaging app but that is only if and when you are ready to, and if not we will still have our bond through here xx
Bless xxxxx
Hi Upset Mum, I don't come on here very often as we're 13 months in and no further on,,/no updates. Can I ask what your son's charges were and his sentence? :( Xxx
Evening Bettyboo65
Each one of our journeys are so different so I would not want to worry you in anyway
Hope you are all ok and unfortunately this is a long slow process for everyone x
Each one of our journeys are so different so I would not want to worry you in anyway
Hope you are all ok and unfortunately this is a long slow process for everyone x