Balance
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Hi Smile,
It's like a constant battle in my head. The love I have for this man that I still want to believe I have a happy future with and the hate I feel for what he has done. The natural nurturing side of me that smiles at every child I see mixed with the guilt and shame I feel that if the parents knew who I love they would not smile back or interact with me at all.
My heart tells me that it's in my daughters best interest to have her loving father in her life and my head that feels that when we have to tell her what's happened she'll hate both of us for allowing her to form that bond. Sending love to all on this journey xxx
It's like a constant battle in my head. The love I have for this man that I still want to believe I have a happy future with and the hate I feel for what he has done. The natural nurturing side of me that smiles at every child I see mixed with the guilt and shame I feel that if the parents knew who I love they would not smile back or interact with me at all.
My heart tells me that it's in my daughters best interest to have her loving father in her life and my head that feels that when we have to tell her what's happened she'll hate both of us for allowing her to form that bond. Sending love to all on this journey xxx
My Dearest Smile,
No words , just total understanding for every thing you have put x
You are incredibly strong, amazing person always remember that, even when days and thoughts like these make you think otherwise
The biggest fluffiest hugs sent to you xxxx
No words , just total understanding for every thing you have put x
You are incredibly strong, amazing person always remember that, even when days and thoughts like these make you think otherwise
The biggest fluffiest hugs sent to you xxxx
Thanks - I'm ok honestly but wanted to voice the 'other' side of my journey.... not all sweetness and light!
Smile
I just read your post and had to respond. I can understand your anger at your son but it is wrong that you are being judge by others for his actions.
Society, rightly, does not take kindly to people who commit crimes agaiinst children. As I see it though there is a problem today that:
In law, viewing indecent images of children is punished almost as severely as contact offences
The availability of different means of accessing illegal material means access is far more common, including inadvertent access and this is not helped by the increasing availability of porn on line, on which a lot of this material piggybacks
All viewers of illegal material are considered to be a physical risk to ALL children, despite little evidence to support this and evelidence to the contrary, and despite any efforts to rehabilitate they and in some cases their families are regulated and monitored for prolonged periods, in some cases for life.
Social and mainstream media conflate Internet crimes with contact offences, and in such a way as to foment hatred of perpetrators and stigmatise those who support and help rehabilitate perpetrators.
Finally, due to fast communication, social media and intrusive monitoring and labelling, it is very difficult for those convicted to have any kind of fresh start.
The whole thing needs looking at holistically. Thousands of people's lives including their mental health must be being very adversely affected (I know mine is) by a system that purports to protect children (yet the number of convictions does not seem to be slowing down).
The problem is, I suspect people are unwilling to tackle the problem for fear of being tarnished themselves and labelled as supporting those who offend against children. It needs a national review looking at the whole thing from all angles, child protection, human rights, porn addiction, better education on the risks of the Internet, clearer legislation, improved consistency of sentencing, improved risk assessment of individuals, recognition of rehabilitation, and better support and protection for affected families. But who is going to do this?
I just read your post and had to respond. I can understand your anger at your son but it is wrong that you are being judge by others for his actions.
Society, rightly, does not take kindly to people who commit crimes agaiinst children. As I see it though there is a problem today that:
In law, viewing indecent images of children is punished almost as severely as contact offences
The availability of different means of accessing illegal material means access is far more common, including inadvertent access and this is not helped by the increasing availability of porn on line, on which a lot of this material piggybacks
All viewers of illegal material are considered to be a physical risk to ALL children, despite little evidence to support this and evelidence to the contrary, and despite any efforts to rehabilitate they and in some cases their families are regulated and monitored for prolonged periods, in some cases for life.
Social and mainstream media conflate Internet crimes with contact offences, and in such a way as to foment hatred of perpetrators and stigmatise those who support and help rehabilitate perpetrators.
Finally, due to fast communication, social media and intrusive monitoring and labelling, it is very difficult for those convicted to have any kind of fresh start.
The whole thing needs looking at holistically. Thousands of people's lives including their mental health must be being very adversely affected (I know mine is) by a system that purports to protect children (yet the number of convictions does not seem to be slowing down).
The problem is, I suspect people are unwilling to tackle the problem for fear of being tarnished themselves and labelled as supporting those who offend against children. It needs a national review looking at the whole thing from all angles, child protection, human rights, porn addiction, better education on the risks of the Internet, clearer legislation, improved consistency of sentencing, improved risk assessment of individuals, recognition of rehabilitation, and better support and protection for affected families. But who is going to do this?
Sorry, Smile, what I really wanted to do is just send you a big hug! :)
Smile - I totally get what you mean. It's my husband in my case and I still love him and what to support him, but I also hate him for what he has done to our family and the potential damage to our kids. The first few weeks I couldn't speak to him as I was so full of anger.
Bitterbean - you are so right. I'd love to go my kids' school and explain to all the boys what the risks are but actually I couldn't do that while my boys are still there. I'd have to wait until they've finished school. Everyone I talk to cannot comprehend the harsh reality of dealing with the fallout from what my husband did. To them, it seems over the top and that gives me some comfort that not everyone will automatically brand him as a P. He isn't a danger to kids, he fell into a mental health black hole and did something stupid. He didn't realise the implications and is going to pay for it for at least the next 10 years and potentially for life with the knock on effects.
Bitterbean - you are so right. I'd love to go my kids' school and explain to all the boys what the risks are but actually I couldn't do that while my boys are still there. I'd have to wait until they've finished school. Everyone I talk to cannot comprehend the harsh reality of dealing with the fallout from what my husband did. To them, it seems over the top and that gives me some comfort that not everyone will automatically brand him as a P. He isn't a danger to kids, he fell into a mental health black hole and did something stupid. He didn't realise the implications and is going to pay for it for at least the next 10 years and potentially for life with the knock on effects.
Smile sending you the biggest hug and so much love.
Bitterbean-I completely agree that this whole issue needs to be addressed and looked at without the knee jerk reaction which is sadly perpetuated by the media.
There needs to be far more awareness of the dangers of social media and programmes put in place in schools.
I worked in education for many years at a high level and, until we had the knock, had never heard of Lucy Faithfull Foundation at all.
Bitterbean-I completely agree that this whole issue needs to be addressed and looked at without the knee jerk reaction which is sadly perpetuated by the media.
There needs to be far more awareness of the dangers of social media and programmes put in place in schools.
I worked in education for many years at a high level and, until we had the knock, had never heard of Lucy Faithfull Foundation at all.
Big hugs everyone. I can't even look to future just talking things a day at a time prepering for anything xx
It certainly is a complex crime that happens for multiple reasons.
We all agree no one condones threat of abuse to our precious children but the conviction of someone also creates victims swept along with them.
No one seems to care about our pain/hardship as we struggle to come to terms with what's happened. And how we also are tarnished with their crime.
Thankyou for your hugs x
We all agree no one condones threat of abuse to our precious children but the conviction of someone also creates victims swept along with them.
No one seems to care about our pain/hardship as we struggle to come to terms with what's happened. And how we also are tarnished with their crime.
Thankyou for your hugs x
Hi, I've just popped on to the forum, I'm trying to not come on to often as I need to try and not let this take over my life. I agree with everthing on this thread. Please write to your MP's and tell them your stories. Mine has taken this seriously, and I know another poster has spoken to her MP and gained support, but we need more voices to be heard. I focussed on us, the families and loved ones, and our needs, we are victims too and need to be recognised! I would like to hope that in the future the men, as they are mostly men, that are caught up in this, will use their voices to address the justice system. They are the ones that can articulate what happened to them, and help others not to tread the same path.
sending love and strength to you all xxx
sending love and strength to you all xxx
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