Staying Focused
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Hi All, is anybody able to give me any helpful tips about focusing on the here and now rather than seeing the overall bigger picture and panicking? It’s such a long journey and I’m certain things will gradually start to unfold, but being right at the beginning I keep thinking about the consequences of absolutely anything and everything and I don’t want to get overwhelmed.
Still only one week in and the shock is gradually fading but as it does so I’m now starting to worry about stuff such as where we’re going to live, how on earth we’re going to manage for money etc etc, but I’m not yet in the right headspace to actually deal with these practicalities, info is just not staying in my brain as yet, it’s too soon.
I’ve not had a good sleep since the knock and I need to stay on an even keel to look after my young children. I’ll definitely call the helpline next week, it’s just it’s the big scary weekend again when the helpline isn’t open and you are all so wise and experienced.
Thanks ever so much, I really appreciate your support.
Still only one week in and the shock is gradually fading but as it does so I’m now starting to worry about stuff such as where we’re going to live, how on earth we’re going to manage for money etc etc, but I’m not yet in the right headspace to actually deal with these practicalities, info is just not staying in my brain as yet, it’s too soon.
I’ve not had a good sleep since the knock and I need to stay on an even keel to look after my young children. I’ll definitely call the helpline next week, it’s just it’s the big scary weekend again when the helpline isn’t open and you are all so wise and experienced.
Thanks ever so much, I really appreciate your support.
Hi Crystal,
I know how hard it is to slow the thoughts and not try to plan for every outcome! As I mentioned in a previous post, I would suggest keeping a notebook/app handy where you can write down all your questions/big thoughts, and come back to them at a better time. I’ve found this to be really helpful, as it meant the thought didn’t keep coming back to me - I’d remind myself it was written down for me to tackle at a better time, and that time was not now.
I’ve also taken to practicing mindfulness. I’ve done yoga for a while, and there is something called yoga nidra - the yogi sleep. It’s basically a guided meditation which allows you to fully relax and be in the moment. Some of the principles from that I now try to apply if I’m feeling overwhelmed or stressed. You do a sort of “body scan”, focussing on different areas of your body from head to toe - this makes you think about where you are holding tension right now and helps to relax it. The other thing is if any thoughts pop up whilst you are practicing this, you acknowledge their existence but don’t “open the box” if that makes sense. Yes I have this thought, but now is not the time for it. I’m going to let this thought float away and come back at a better time, when I am equipped to think about it. Sometimes literally visualising it floating away on a bubble can help.
i know that sounds really airy-fairy (and that’s not normally my style at all by the way!), but it’s really helped me and I hope it may help you too. There are some great yoga nidra tracks on YouTube, if you can get 10-20min to yourself to try one out. Xxx
I know how hard it is to slow the thoughts and not try to plan for every outcome! As I mentioned in a previous post, I would suggest keeping a notebook/app handy where you can write down all your questions/big thoughts, and come back to them at a better time. I’ve found this to be really helpful, as it meant the thought didn’t keep coming back to me - I’d remind myself it was written down for me to tackle at a better time, and that time was not now.
I’ve also taken to practicing mindfulness. I’ve done yoga for a while, and there is something called yoga nidra - the yogi sleep. It’s basically a guided meditation which allows you to fully relax and be in the moment. Some of the principles from that I now try to apply if I’m feeling overwhelmed or stressed. You do a sort of “body scan”, focussing on different areas of your body from head to toe - this makes you think about where you are holding tension right now and helps to relax it. The other thing is if any thoughts pop up whilst you are practicing this, you acknowledge their existence but don’t “open the box” if that makes sense. Yes I have this thought, but now is not the time for it. I’m going to let this thought float away and come back at a better time, when I am equipped to think about it. Sometimes literally visualising it floating away on a bubble can help.
i know that sounds really airy-fairy (and that’s not normally my style at all by the way!), but it’s really helped me and I hope it may help you too. There are some great yoga nidra tracks on YouTube, if you can get 10-20min to yourself to try one out. Xxx
Thanks D, not ‘airy-fairy’ at all, good, practical advice, which I really appreciate. You’re right, you did say to write things down and I think I’ll try doing that. I too practice mindfulness and meditate every day, the crazy thing is I only seem to be able to easily tap into that mindfulness when I’m in pain (great for giving birth, getting tattoos etc!) but I haven’t tried yoga. Massive thanks for your brilliant advice and for being there.
Crystal, I think the advice to try mindfulness and yoga is good. The important thing is to take care of yourself. I find a repetitive form of exercise is what helps me - one where I can have some space to let the mind wander but where there is a continual movement that my body is occupied with. That's why I like walking and swimming. I usually end up sorting a lot of things out in my head during the times when I'm doing this type of exercise. I don't set out with a mental agenda, but just find that I begin to think things through automatically and I always reach a point where I feel the mental process has been worthwhile. It has the additional benefit of keeping me physically fit, and it's good to be outside and enjoying the fresh air when I'm walking.
The other thing that really helped in the early days was talking things through with a few individuals I felt I could trust. Yes, there are a lot of decisions to be made and a lot of anxieties to face, but it's much harder to face them if you are on your own. Is there really nobody you could share the burden with? In my case, my sister took a lot of the immediate pressures away from me. She spoke with a solicitor about my circumstances so that when I subsequently met the solicitor face to face I didn't have to go through everything from the beginning. I also stayed with my sister in the early weeks, which gave me a safe place to start thinking things through and to start dealing with the fallout.
You will find your way through this, Crystal, and I hope the forum will also continue to give you that safe space and security that you so understandably are craving right now.
The other thing that really helped in the early days was talking things through with a few individuals I felt I could trust. Yes, there are a lot of decisions to be made and a lot of anxieties to face, but it's much harder to face them if you are on your own. Is there really nobody you could share the burden with? In my case, my sister took a lot of the immediate pressures away from me. She spoke with a solicitor about my circumstances so that when I subsequently met the solicitor face to face I didn't have to go through everything from the beginning. I also stayed with my sister in the early weeks, which gave me a safe place to start thinking things through and to start dealing with the fallout.
You will find your way through this, Crystal, and I hope the forum will also continue to give you that safe space and security that you so understandably are craving right now.
Hi Esther, thank you, yes I’ve spoken to a couple of people now, however, nobody who is really close or able to help me. I have spoken to one family member & understandably they are also all over the place regarding how they feel about things so aren’t especially in a position to be very supportive, it really is me at the coal face with my children. I am getting there, it’s just that we are comfortable as we are now and I don’t know that I can even afford the mortgage on my own, let alone our dog, and at times when I’m alone it can all spin around my brain like a washing machine and make me scared. We will get there, I know it, it’s just the waiting, I just need to find some coping mechanisms. I walk a lot, so that will help. Thanks again for your help and support.
Hi Crystal.
I fell like I am in a similar situation. I'm am 7 months from the knock. In the early days all those thoughts were running through my head...... I can't afford a mortgage, how much would we sell for..... would I get a smaller place for me and the children???? It's a mine field. They still run through my head now.
I too have told no one so it is just me and my 2 children muddling through. Some days are definateky better than others. Some days I am so unmotivated and other days I am fine. I am trying to do small things for myself. Going for a walk, or getting a coffee and a cake. It does help and it really is the small things.
I just wanted you to know you're not alone
I fell like I am in a similar situation. I'm am 7 months from the knock. In the early days all those thoughts were running through my head...... I can't afford a mortgage, how much would we sell for..... would I get a smaller place for me and the children???? It's a mine field. They still run through my head now.
I too have told no one so it is just me and my 2 children muddling through. Some days are definateky better than others. Some days I am so unmotivated and other days I am fine. I am trying to do small things for myself. Going for a walk, or getting a coffee and a cake. It does help and it really is the small things.
I just wanted you to know you're not alone