Tomorrow
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Hi there. This is my first post but I have been reading your posts over the last week or so and found them comforting. The knock came in January. Was told today there is enough evidence to charge him. Magistrates court tomorrow to be charged. Tomorrow I have to tell my boys. They are only 10, 8 and 6. Where I live suspended sentences for this offence is unheard of so we are looking at jail. We both have jobs in the public eye so this will be all over the papers in a very small community. I am just devastated. I knew this was a possibility but there was always a glimmer of hope that he might not be charged. I am feeling very isolated and don't really know how to handle the fall out.
Dear puffin,
I don’t know if this is representative of all cases but nothing came out in the press with my ex until the day after his second appearance at magistrates court. His first was simply to answer the charges. I’m not sure why it went to magistrates a second time as I was expecting crown court. That is where it is going next. Will this definitely be reported tomorrow? Police officer I spoke to said press not usually at magistrates - not true as reported after second appearance and that magistrates can’t sentence for crimes of this nature (not sure if true or not as they spent a long time wrangling this on the second appearance but concluded in the end was for crown court to deal with). Others may be able to help. I have only just told my eldest and he is 10. Knock cake last May, first appearance At magistrates was March and second was this month. I took lots of advice as to how to broach this from all professionals and advice to me was always age appropriate and just answer what they ask - they will come back to ask more of you tell them they can always ask you. This going to press and having to tell my children (my hand was eventually forced on this one) were my two biggest worries. Bizarrely now these have happened, although I feel floored, the only way from here is up. Xxx
I don’t know if this is representative of all cases but nothing came out in the press with my ex until the day after his second appearance at magistrates court. His first was simply to answer the charges. I’m not sure why it went to magistrates a second time as I was expecting crown court. That is where it is going next. Will this definitely be reported tomorrow? Police officer I spoke to said press not usually at magistrates - not true as reported after second appearance and that magistrates can’t sentence for crimes of this nature (not sure if true or not as they spent a long time wrangling this on the second appearance but concluded in the end was for crown court to deal with). Others may be able to help. I have only just told my eldest and he is 10. Knock cake last May, first appearance At magistrates was March and second was this month. I took lots of advice as to how to broach this from all professionals and advice to me was always age appropriate and just answer what they ask - they will come back to ask more of you tell them they can always ask you. This going to press and having to tell my children (my hand was eventually forced on this one) were my two biggest worries. Bizarrely now these have happened, although I feel floored, the only way from here is up. Xxx
Thank you. Soc worker said press is a possibility. Similar cases were only reported after conviction so I may have some time but the clock is ticking. I know I will survive but want o make the right choices for my children. Thank you for your words. It helps.
I can totally relate to wanting to get the timing right for the children and the weight that there is to carry in trying to decide if or when best to tell them. I had always hoped not to have to speak to my children about this because as my son is now seeing; it really hurts to think that a parent who you had always loved and looked up to could do something like that (and his ‘knowledge’ at the moment is only that daddy committed a crime and was arrested and has been to court). In the end my hand was forced and the decision didn’t come from me but through the very real terror from busy body school mums and having to prevent my son finding out from another source other than me.
Hi Poster
Just spoken to school and advised to talk asap to get ahead if the media. Because of my husband's job this will be big news. Probably national papers too. I will let you know how it went.
Just spoken to school and advised to talk asap to get ahead if the media. Because of my husband's job this will be big news. Probably national papers too. I will let you know how it went.
I meant " big news. "
I managed to speak to my older 2. Told them that dad is in trouble with the Police for looking at illegal pictures on the internet/ things that he should not have looked at. Told them we both live them, that has not changed. Dad won't be able to live with us for a while. Don't know how long. They were a bit tearful and the oldest wanted to know whether dad would be there for his birthday/ first day of secondary school. In a strange way it is a huge weight off. I have had a lot of supportive messages from friends today so feel I can face tomorrow.
Hello Puffin,
My husbands 1st appearance in Magisrates court wasn’t reported in the press, neither were any subsequent appearances nor his acquittal in court. However, like you, we both had positions where we knew we were brilliant fodder for the press. On that basis whilst nothing was reported about his acquittal and reasons for it the press went to town at his professional hearing. We decided that he shouldn’t attend, just submit a written report including all the defence rebuttal presented and accepted in court. Of course we hadn’t realised that for the press to actually hear this evidence it needed to be read out in public. The press then reported a very one sided, prosecution version of events and the fall out has been horrific for us. Social Media being the worst.
To be honest I think if it had been reported from the beginning by the press it would have been better, at least the reporter would have heard formal defence submissions which led to the acquittal.
How did it go in court today? Any media interest yet?
Sometimes I honestly think trying to manage information is impossible so you might as well take a deep breath, let it totally submerge what may come and come up for air once it has all died down. You will come up for air at some point in this huge tsunami and survive.
As for telling the children, thankfully I was not in that position.
Come back regularly to update us if you feel it helps. There are some lovely, lovely people here who won’t let you down.
Jaded x
My husbands 1st appearance in Magisrates court wasn’t reported in the press, neither were any subsequent appearances nor his acquittal in court. However, like you, we both had positions where we knew we were brilliant fodder for the press. On that basis whilst nothing was reported about his acquittal and reasons for it the press went to town at his professional hearing. We decided that he shouldn’t attend, just submit a written report including all the defence rebuttal presented and accepted in court. Of course we hadn’t realised that for the press to actually hear this evidence it needed to be read out in public. The press then reported a very one sided, prosecution version of events and the fall out has been horrific for us. Social Media being the worst.
To be honest I think if it had been reported from the beginning by the press it would have been better, at least the reporter would have heard formal defence submissions which led to the acquittal.
How did it go in court today? Any media interest yet?
Sometimes I honestly think trying to manage information is impossible so you might as well take a deep breath, let it totally submerge what may come and come up for air once it has all died down. You will come up for air at some point in this huge tsunami and survive.
As for telling the children, thankfully I was not in that position.
Come back regularly to update us if you feel it helps. There are some lovely, lovely people here who won’t let you down.
Jaded x
Hi Jaded, thanks you for your reply. I have not seen the paper yet. Nothing online so far but l heard that an email has been sent around my husband's work. It prompted me to tell a lot of people and honestly, it is such a relief. Like you said, I won't be able to control the media but it is good to know who will be supportive.