Family and Friends Forum

Bout time this theory was took seriously..... not brushed under carpet.....

Germany already offers something like this, called Project Dunkenfeld. But in Germany, there are no mandatory reporting laws, so people who come forward for help can remain anonymous.

In Britain, we do have mandatory reporting laws and that stops people from asking for help, until it is too late.

I have just read this and the fact they use the P word in the title makes it a hard read

My son is an offender, and I dont condone for one second what he has done, in the eyes of the law this is how they are portrayed

Until society wakes up and realizes they are not bad people ,

There is no such thing as the dark web, we are all just 3 clicks away from finding images that no one would want to see

There are victims that are real in all of this and that is horrendous, I have a daughter and she told me how when she was younger she would have males sending her messages but she didn't reply , I said why did you not say anything to me she said it's just normal but I ignore them

Yet here I am as my son is an offender

Society does not understand

The law thinks the answer is lock them up

This is not the answer, help and support is needed

Our lives are turned upside down and inside out, we pay the price for what our loved ones have done, that is not right, but does the law take that in to consideration No they don't

Sorry went off on one there

We walk this journey with no say, how many men will be arrested, how many families will be destroyed

xx

Totally agree Upset, we must say this daily on the forum, these men are not evil. If I considered my son evil I would disown him.

He deserved punishment, but not being locked up for years. He needs confidence guidance, education and treatment programmes to address what he's done and why he got there in the first place.

I find it unbearable all the good he did in his life is now considered a manipulative lie and according to comments made he needs to be flogged and doesn't deserve a heart beat.

Smile

Hope you are ok and your son xx

Honestly this journey has opened my eyes, broken my heart, we have been on this horrendous journey for nearly 3 yrs from the first knock and then the second where he was taken away

Now I am angry not at the situation we are in but to read daily on here how many families lives are torn apart

And yet what is done to prevent this, the media want blood, they dont want to know, there is no forgiveness,

I dont want to take away the impact to the victims of course they have suffered at the actions of my son

No one can understand this journey unless you are walking in our shoes

The statistics show approx 800 men are arrested every month,

How many of them have families

How many lives are effected

Its just so difficult and frustrating xx

I think the fundamental problem is sex offenders, or more specifically, offenders who have / are are perceived to have / perceived to be likely to sexually abuse children, are society's new bogeyman.

I have no idea how we change this.

What bothers me at the moment on social media is all this chat about normalising MAP behaviour (minor attracted person), there is so much publicity it is just sending everyone against anyone linked to this subject. There seems to be no distinction between people who have viewed images, and people who have done physical hideous acts towards children. I am disgusted by both but feel obviously there is a huge difference, and this increase in publicity is not going to help any our cause.

Hi, I totally agree with this, they need help and support and not just locking up, how must these men feel after being in prison for a length of time, how do they rebuild themselves and feel worthy to society and worthy of a normal life. ????.



Also, my person was rui 14 months ago and called the officer himself last month, the officer then made a visit on their own to us at 2AM!! My person was having really bad harmful thoughts and was in emotional distress, the officer's response "oh we're really sorry it's taking so long but keep positive". My person is on constant high anxiety and his life is on hold, relationship wise, traveling anywhere, his job and every aspect of his life is on hold, he can't move forward in any way as this is all consuming and he feels he can't make any plans for the future.



Will the 14 months waiting and constant suicidal thoughts be taken into account if he does get charged? We would hope so but I very much feel it will count for nothing and yet it is 14 months of his life standing still with constant high level anxiety ???? xx

And I think the victims (ie US) are labelled. She's the mother, wife, partner, girlfriend of the P word!!!!

I just adore the people that have stood by us, not questioning, not judgmental -pure gold, you guys included x

Bettyboo65

Unfortunately the time RUI is not taken in to account not there wellbeing

My son was RUI for 16 months, could come and go as he pleased the only person he was a danger to was himself, suicidal that in itself was horrendous, I was literally living in my nerves but then once they had all the charges the re arrested him and was then kept in remand, again suicidal and started to self harm! He knows what he has done and believe me he has to live with his actions and will.pay the price for the rest of his life, and we also have to live with it also

Yes they did this , but how are they meant to have a future

I am grateful for the few people that understand and support us and my son

How can we change society to perhaps understand more about this horrendous journey

Xx

Im starting to think the penny will only drop for people that the majority of Internet sex offenders have a porn addiction or other problem, rather than being the P word, when it reaches the point that everyone knows a close friend of family member who has been arrested for Internet sex offences. Which, based on the current trends, wo t be all that long.

I think it's only when it involves a person you know well that you can see that it is not always a bkack/white right/wrong issue. And the current approach to dealing with offenders does not help either the individual or the proliferation of online sex offending, its also a huge cost to society interns of ongoing monitoring of offenders by the authorities, economic costs due to restrictions on their ability to work, partners having to give up jobs/reduce hours due to increased childcare, and the mental health and anguich caused to families by stigmatisation, ostracism and vigilante action.

Bitterbean

I couldn't agree more with your comments

The rate of offenders is increasing to a horrendous level

Hope your doing ok xx

I agree, until society and the media get a grip in the actual reasons why some of these crimes are committed and understand the majority are not the P word but normal intelligent functioning people with mental health issues, issues from childhood and such like. My person had childhood trauma which started a spiral of drink and recreational drugs which they have now managed to quit with ongoing counseling, they'd never spoke to anyone about the childhood trauma and struggled into adulthood. Therefore, my person is not in any way a P as he would be labelled, but he is a person who struggled with childhood trauma which he carried into adult life



These issues are what need dealing with and not in a prison cell ??

Hi ladies

i was very interested to read EliBee's thread.

MAP - minor attracted person.

Surely in this day an age, more appropriate than the horrific labelling word P? It just whips up misunderstanding, prejudice and hate (ie vigilante groups) with family/friends being the innocent victims also tarred by this.

In my day (sounding like an old gran now) most things you'd title a person would be totally NOT allowed these days. Why does the P title remain then? Is it because they want it to remain as some sort of punishment or deterrent? If that's the case it's not working is it - as Upset quoted 800 men a month arrested....

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Daffodil

I probably didn't explain what I actually meant by it does not exist

People think that you can only access these images etc on the dark web, and we all know that is not true, a few clicks is all it takes

I wouldn't know how to go on to it and I dont want to either x

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My persons crime was not committed on the dark web, it was Twitter of all places

It's strange but I feel a little understanding is creeping into my husbands thoughts. Big story where I live and gossip is rife about the circumstances (not a sexual crime).

We've had long discussions about this and each time I emphasise there's a reason for every crime (adding my sons) name in the mix. I managed to get across our son is not bad, evil or a monster - he is a man with problems that need to be addressed.

It's not being soft or sticking up for criminals, I'm not forgetting the victims - but when someone you love is in a mess like our people are, you form a more realistic opinion and look deeper into the reasons and circumstances of why things happen.

Do you see what I mean?

Smile I get exactly what you mean. Some crimes can be caused by lapses in attention, poor judgement especially when under the influence, or some other moment of madness. For example, not paying attention and going through a red light you could end up killing someone, being drunk you might punch and seriously injure someone who made you angry. Yes, the person is in the wrong, yes they should be made accountable, and receive some sort of punishment, education, other help to deal with their shortcomings. But their crime does not mean they are evil people. This is not to say that there are no intentional malevolent crimes, far from it, but not all of them are.