Confused
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All of this is completely out of the blue for me. My partner was taken away this week, has since been bailed and admitted to a mental health facility. We have 2 small children and I'm waiting to hear from social services if he is allowed any visitation.
My children are both very upset they can see their dad is missing and mummy keeps crying which can't help. But I just can't stop!
All the police told me was they followed an account which linked to him and had accessed indecent images of children. He told me that he had been in a chat room and someone shared 4 pictures but he wasn't in there for that reason. I don't know what to believe. He had told me a few months prior he had shared my picture because he liked men to send him videos pleasuring themselves over it, that was why he was in the chat room. I went mad at the time because it's an invasion of my own privacy and found it completely gross but we got past that anyway. He apologised and didn't do it again. That's why he was in the chat room he says.
But he must of been aware of the images
My brain is scrambled.
Can anyone tell me how long this process is taking for you?
I keep phoning the facility because I'm worried about him but that's because I believe him? If it's all true and he has been accessing images then that would change everything. I don't know how to cope.
Am I supposed to want the kids to be able to talk to their dad? It's like an out of body experience I can't relate the suspected crime to him.
My children are both very upset they can see their dad is missing and mummy keeps crying which can't help. But I just can't stop!
All the police told me was they followed an account which linked to him and had accessed indecent images of children. He told me that he had been in a chat room and someone shared 4 pictures but he wasn't in there for that reason. I don't know what to believe. He had told me a few months prior he had shared my picture because he liked men to send him videos pleasuring themselves over it, that was why he was in the chat room. I went mad at the time because it's an invasion of my own privacy and found it completely gross but we got past that anyway. He apologised and didn't do it again. That's why he was in the chat room he says.
But he must of been aware of the images
My brain is scrambled.
Can anyone tell me how long this process is taking for you?
I keep phoning the facility because I'm worried about him but that's because I believe him? If it's all true and he has been accessing images then that would change everything. I don't know how to cope.
Am I supposed to want the kids to be able to talk to their dad? It's like an out of body experience I can't relate the suspected crime to him.
First of all welcome to the club noone wants to be in. I understand that outer body experience its the shock and it does wear off eventually although I still get triggers that put me back to square one. Keep an open mind to what your person is telling you what happened. I lot of these men blank out hakf the stuff they did, my person still has no recollection of sending a photo of his parts to a 14year old (decoy) I've been on this journey 2 years in march. He was suppose to be in court for sentencing today but it was put back yet again. Its very frustrating all because of his psr report. Its a long long process, you can chat to us any time or call the helpline or a trusted friend. Be care who you tell you might regret it later. It will so k in later and your mind will calm down. I promise.my person is a wonderful man and so good to me and other people so I still get confused to how it was him in the evidence (I read it I had to know everything) again sorry this has happened to you and we are here for you x
Same as New lady, I welcome you to a very crappy club <3
To date, it's been exactly 544 days. Just as ai though things were moving forward, his probation officer is giving hassle.
As per what to expect, there is a say here to "prepare for the worse but hope for the best", which is true to certain extent, but, for my experience, I rather take things one day at a time and just fight whatever fight is in front of me, because otherwise can eat your sanity.
Few things that helped me, you're free to take as you will:
- Consider yourself a single mum. I know it's hard to mentalize, but overall, you can not count on him for the time being. Also stops the inevitable questioning when people don't see your person around.
- You have power of what you don't say and lose power of what you do. Try your very best to keep things wrapped up as people are extremely judgemental. And yes, includes family and forever friends.
- Take a ridiculous care of yourself, as daft as it might sound. Take the pills, do the exercise, do the counselling, put the make up on if it helps you, whatever to keep your sanity.
- Also treat the kids. Don't sweat the small things, spoil them, love bomb them. We and only we can provide that now, authorities just see our kids as collateral damage.
- Do not trust the police and social services. Be respectful and well manered but they are not there to help you and you make your life even more difficult.
- Deadlines are not deadlines. They told me that "3 weeks will be enough and we'll have the devices ready then"...it took them a year and they do not care.
You'll feel all sorts, anger, sadness, sickness, despair. Just take it as it comes, one day at a time.
Big hugs
To date, it's been exactly 544 days. Just as ai though things were moving forward, his probation officer is giving hassle.
As per what to expect, there is a say here to "prepare for the worse but hope for the best", which is true to certain extent, but, for my experience, I rather take things one day at a time and just fight whatever fight is in front of me, because otherwise can eat your sanity.
Few things that helped me, you're free to take as you will:
- Consider yourself a single mum. I know it's hard to mentalize, but overall, you can not count on him for the time being. Also stops the inevitable questioning when people don't see your person around.
- You have power of what you don't say and lose power of what you do. Try your very best to keep things wrapped up as people are extremely judgemental. And yes, includes family and forever friends.
- Take a ridiculous care of yourself, as daft as it might sound. Take the pills, do the exercise, do the counselling, put the make up on if it helps you, whatever to keep your sanity.
- Also treat the kids. Don't sweat the small things, spoil them, love bomb them. We and only we can provide that now, authorities just see our kids as collateral damage.
- Do not trust the police and social services. Be respectful and well manered but they are not there to help you and you make your life even more difficult.
- Deadlines are not deadlines. They told me that "3 weeks will be enough and we'll have the devices ready then"...it took them a year and they do not care.
You'll feel all sorts, anger, sadness, sickness, despair. Just take it as it comes, one day at a time.
Big hugs
I second what green says every single word. My oh took nearly 18 months we've only just started shall I say it the other side. Don't take what police say has news because we also got told it would all be looked at and sorted within a month and that never happened. We've had social services involved for nearly 18 months and at the moment still there. Do what they want keep them happy and most importantly put yourself first it's the only way to cope with this situation
Hi Confused,
I am only 6 weeks ahead of you, but second everything Green says. (Well done Green on such wisdom, too!)
Look after yourself and your children. I also found in the very early weeks I was also giving emotional support to everyone my OH told, which was bloody hard work. As Green says, forever friends can be more judgemental than you think so please be wary of who you tell.
GP vv helpful especially if you explain you've had a traumatic event.
Schools are also way more used to dealing with this stuff than you'd ever want to think about.
x
I am only 6 weeks ahead of you, but second everything Green says. (Well done Green on such wisdom, too!)
Look after yourself and your children. I also found in the very early weeks I was also giving emotional support to everyone my OH told, which was bloody hard work. As Green says, forever friends can be more judgemental than you think so please be wary of who you tell.
GP vv helpful especially if you explain you've had a traumatic event.
Schools are also way more used to dealing with this stuff than you'd ever want to think about.
x