The new normal?
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I received The Knock three days ago. My husband was arrested on his way to work, he'd been engaging in sexual conversation with what he thought was a 12 year old girl, but it was actually a police sting on Snapchat. I must add at this point that I am so greatful that it was the police and not one of those vile vigilantes.
His work phone was seized (since been returned), our home computer, his work laptop and his personal phone.
He has been released on police bail and it currently staying with family, who aren't aware of the full extent of everything, we've just said he's been having sexual contact with other women online and exchanging photos of his... you know. I feel sick typing this.
We have four children between us two adult girls, one teenage son and one pre teen daughter who has special needs. My son and youngest daughter are the only two who are still in the family home. My son is aware of the full extent of his father's situation but my daughter only knows the abridged version, as I have no idea how to tell her the worst part.
I have learned that the sexting has been happening for about 18 months whilst I slept in our bed at night, it has gone hand in hand with looking at increasingly extreme porn. Although my husband is adamant that there has never been any contact or images viewed involving children, other than this one incident. I so desperately want to believe him, I guess time will tell. I 100% believe he has a porn addiction and it's got way out of hand chasing the next high. He told me he's also been sexting men, although he's not attracted to men at all, this weirdly gives me comfort that maybe he's not actually a P and he's actually just mentally ill, but at the same time I can't trust him not to have told me this just to try and manipulate me into forgiving him.
I am utterly devastated. I thought our life was perfect. I have terrible low self esteem at the best of times but this has destroyed that. He always told me I am so beautiful and sexy, how his body belonged to me and how he would never want anyone else but me. I got back and forth between believing our life together is over as I can never see how we can come back from this, to being a sobbing wreck and feeling like the only thing that can make me feel better is being with him.
There's so much more to this story, my head is a jumble 24/7, I can't get any peace and I have to fight every urge not to be constantly texting him or calling him just to feel close to him, as at some point I may have to get used to him being gone for good. I hate that thought. I can't reconcile the fact that the centre of my world, my rock, my true love is the one that has so completely destroyed me and our family and shattered our hearts.
His work phone was seized (since been returned), our home computer, his work laptop and his personal phone.
He has been released on police bail and it currently staying with family, who aren't aware of the full extent of everything, we've just said he's been having sexual contact with other women online and exchanging photos of his... you know. I feel sick typing this.
We have four children between us two adult girls, one teenage son and one pre teen daughter who has special needs. My son and youngest daughter are the only two who are still in the family home. My son is aware of the full extent of his father's situation but my daughter only knows the abridged version, as I have no idea how to tell her the worst part.
I have learned that the sexting has been happening for about 18 months whilst I slept in our bed at night, it has gone hand in hand with looking at increasingly extreme porn. Although my husband is adamant that there has never been any contact or images viewed involving children, other than this one incident. I so desperately want to believe him, I guess time will tell. I 100% believe he has a porn addiction and it's got way out of hand chasing the next high. He told me he's also been sexting men, although he's not attracted to men at all, this weirdly gives me comfort that maybe he's not actually a P and he's actually just mentally ill, but at the same time I can't trust him not to have told me this just to try and manipulate me into forgiving him.
I am utterly devastated. I thought our life was perfect. I have terrible low self esteem at the best of times but this has destroyed that. He always told me I am so beautiful and sexy, how his body belonged to me and how he would never want anyone else but me. I got back and forth between believing our life together is over as I can never see how we can come back from this, to being a sobbing wreck and feeling like the only thing that can make me feel better is being with him.
There's so much more to this story, my head is a jumble 24/7, I can't get any peace and I have to fight every urge not to be constantly texting him or calling him just to feel close to him, as at some point I may have to get used to him being gone for good. I hate that thought. I can't reconcile the fact that the centre of my world, my rock, my true love is the one that has so completely destroyed me and our family and shattered our hearts.
I'm so sorry. It is truly awful and usual to second guess yourself. There's lots of good advice on this forum, so have a read and pick out what you find useful. I have teenagers and found sticking to a normal routine has really helped. They know what is happening.
It does get easier but nothing happens fast. My husband's was also a police decoy and we've been one of the lucky ones in that most things have happened fairly quickly but have had 2 delays at court, about a month long both times so we're still waiting for sentencing but only had the knock this summer. Lots of people have been waiting far longer,
It does get easier but nothing happens fast. My husband's was also a police decoy and we've been one of the lucky ones in that most things have happened fairly quickly but have had 2 delays at court, about a month long both times so we're still waiting for sentencing but only had the knock this summer. Lots of people have been waiting far longer,
Hi GenericMum,
I am so sorry you find yourself here. It's horrid and it seems like your situation is similar to mine (in that it was happening while I slept in our bed) and this sometimes feels like an insurmountable betrayal (the timing and nature of the offence). We have both signed up for the LFF courses and I think we might go for couples therapy once all the legal stuff is done. He has moved out and this will probably be until my youngest child reaches adulthood.
We had the knock at the end of October, you and I both have long journeys ahead.
Thinking of you lots.
There are lots of posts on how to get through the next few weeks, please do read them.
x
I am so sorry you find yourself here. It's horrid and it seems like your situation is similar to mine (in that it was happening while I slept in our bed) and this sometimes feels like an insurmountable betrayal (the timing and nature of the offence). We have both signed up for the LFF courses and I think we might go for couples therapy once all the legal stuff is done. He has moved out and this will probably be until my youngest child reaches adulthood.
We had the knock at the end of October, you and I both have long journeys ahead.
Thinking of you lots.
There are lots of posts on how to get through the next few weeks, please do read them.
x