Until when will they be satisfied?
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As I write this in tears, I see my strength being less and less and seeing such a bleak future.
My person was sentenced to comunity service for 80 hours, 40 hours of counselling with the probation officer, 18 months on the SHPO and 2 years in the register.
Case was closed with SS with the proviso that he was to have supervised contact all the time, however that is not realistic considering my shift patterns of 12 hours.
So I reopen the case in the hope that he might be able to move into a caravan in my garden, help me with childcare whilst looking for a job nearby instead of where is it at his parents, 100 or so miles away.
Social Services says ok, his visor says ok, his parole officer down his parents says ok...and the parole officer for our county says no because he was spotted thanks to a conversation with the decoy.
Said conversation was dropped from the charges due not being enough, he was not charged for that but for the 2 images found in the devices so why on earth is this person now considering that??
The goalpost keeps moving and moving, my nerves are all over the place. My mother in law is the one helping but, although she's not horrible, she's rather frail and she needs to be with her husband, not driving up and down the country for 2-3 hours at a time.
I'm underperforming at work and scared I might lose my job. And I'm so so lonely...
As a survivor from childhood sexual abuse I understand very well how my person's actions inflict horrible pain. But he has done all the work required and more, he knows we as a couple are not going anywhere, he has already lost everything his marriage, his house, his job. He just wants to build up, to move on and contribute.
Why are they so hell bent on stopping that from happening?
Thanks for reading <3
My person was sentenced to comunity service for 80 hours, 40 hours of counselling with the probation officer, 18 months on the SHPO and 2 years in the register.
Case was closed with SS with the proviso that he was to have supervised contact all the time, however that is not realistic considering my shift patterns of 12 hours.
So I reopen the case in the hope that he might be able to move into a caravan in my garden, help me with childcare whilst looking for a job nearby instead of where is it at his parents, 100 or so miles away.
Social Services says ok, his visor says ok, his parole officer down his parents says ok...and the parole officer for our county says no because he was spotted thanks to a conversation with the decoy.
Said conversation was dropped from the charges due not being enough, he was not charged for that but for the 2 images found in the devices so why on earth is this person now considering that??
The goalpost keeps moving and moving, my nerves are all over the place. My mother in law is the one helping but, although she's not horrible, she's rather frail and she needs to be with her husband, not driving up and down the country for 2-3 hours at a time.
I'm underperforming at work and scared I might lose my job. And I'm so so lonely...
As a survivor from childhood sexual abuse I understand very well how my person's actions inflict horrible pain. But he has done all the work required and more, he knows we as a couple are not going anywhere, he has already lost everything his marriage, his house, his job. He just wants to build up, to move on and contribute.
Why are they so hell bent on stopping that from happening?
Thanks for reading <3
Im at the very very early stages of dealing with this, i only signed up to this forum today. I have no idea what to say, but im sorry. I didnt want to read and not reply at all
Hi Green,
I honestly don't have much to say to this except you are a strong person and it's not fair for you to have to go through all of this.
is there anyway they all could communicate with each other particularly the patrol persons? Is there anyway you could facilitate that? Maybe a meeting? Get social to help perhaps. Maybe if they were all in the same room you and they could come up with a more suitable and supportive response than just no for both you your person and your kids.
sorry I'm not very helpful but I do understand and wish you all the best, sending hugs. You got this xx
I honestly don't have much to say to this except you are a strong person and it's not fair for you to have to go through all of this.
is there anyway they all could communicate with each other particularly the patrol persons? Is there anyway you could facilitate that? Maybe a meeting? Get social to help perhaps. Maybe if they were all in the same room you and they could come up with a more suitable and supportive response than just no for both you your person and your kids.
sorry I'm not very helpful but I do understand and wish you all the best, sending hugs. You got this xx
Oh, this is so rubbish and infuriating for you. Sending hugs xx
Green,
I'm so sorry, sending you huge hugs. So parole have said no, is this just one person's decision or can you take it higher? Can you write to them and explain the negative impacts of it all, including how SS have done the safeguarding assessment so ask what is the reason why?
Try and find some information on parole and how they make their decisions, if there's any guidelines they have to work with etc. and include it. I've not a clue how they work but that would be my first steps and failing that maybe contact Unlock who may be able to help. Xx
I'm so sorry, sending you huge hugs. So parole have said no, is this just one person's decision or can you take it higher? Can you write to them and explain the negative impacts of it all, including how SS have done the safeguarding assessment so ask what is the reason why?
Try and find some information on parole and how they make their decisions, if there's any guidelines they have to work with etc. and include it. I've not a clue how they work but that would be my first steps and failing that maybe contact Unlock who may be able to help. Xx
Hi all,
Dragonmama, they have set up a meeting on Friday. I've asked my person to write to them as there's so many misunderstandings like, for some reason, they thought the pictures were of my kids...I swear, if that was the case, I doubt he'll be alive now! But it's not, and even the mention of such thing makes everyone go in a panic mode. Like, how dare they even imply things like that???
Baffled, yes, one person, the senior parole officer on my county. Not even the one that will be in charge of him, but the boss who haven't even met him. The SW was living as they are doubting her world, so I hope she uses that energy to fight them, but who knows. Might end up changing her mind, as it happens in the cases that people move goalpost all the time to their convenience. Me and my family can sod off.
So fingers crossed for Friday. Extra cross to bear.
Thanks all <3
Dragonmama, they have set up a meeting on Friday. I've asked my person to write to them as there's so many misunderstandings like, for some reason, they thought the pictures were of my kids...I swear, if that was the case, I doubt he'll be alive now! But it's not, and even the mention of such thing makes everyone go in a panic mode. Like, how dare they even imply things like that???
Baffled, yes, one person, the senior parole officer on my county. Not even the one that will be in charge of him, but the boss who haven't even met him. The SW was living as they are doubting her world, so I hope she uses that energy to fight them, but who knows. Might end up changing her mind, as it happens in the cases that people move goalpost all the time to their convenience. Me and my family can sod off.
So fingers crossed for Friday. Extra cross to bear.
Thanks all <3
Update!
Meeting today the Social Worker and they did not changed their mind, he's granted unsupervised contact with the kids. His current parole officer and visor officer also agree, so now it's up to the parole officer that has to receive him here to justify why can't he move here as they did not show...gives you so much hope doesn't it?
My person is over the moon as he can now finally can have access to take the kids and make his own memories with them, and I will finally be able to breath a bit more.
Thanks all!
Meeting today the Social Worker and they did not changed their mind, he's granted unsupervised contact with the kids. His current parole officer and visor officer also agree, so now it's up to the parole officer that has to receive him here to justify why can't he move here as they did not show...gives you so much hope doesn't it?
My person is over the moon as he can now finally can have access to take the kids and make his own memories with them, and I will finally be able to breath a bit more.
Thanks all!
Green, that's fantastic news and a step in the right direction. At last something positive, it will make such a difference to you and your family's life.
I hope you don't mind me also saying that I noticed a new member to the forum Janey3 posted earlier in the week and I just wanted to say welcome to you Janey3, and hope you are doing ok? I don't post much on here as I found the first few months so horrific I couldn't open up. I am finding time to be a good healer and am more comfortable with accepting what's happened despite being no further forward. Hope you are doing ok too, it does get easier....
I hope you don't mind me also saying that I noticed a new member to the forum Janey3 posted earlier in the week and I just wanted to say welcome to you Janey3, and hope you are doing ok? I don't post much on here as I found the first few months so horrific I couldn't open up. I am finding time to be a good healer and am more comfortable with accepting what's happened despite being no further forward. Hope you are doing ok too, it does get easier....