Telling the children
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Hi, I would love if people would be willing to share resources they have found helpful in relation to explaining the situation to the kids?
my kids are 10 and 7, their dad was arrested in mid November for online chat with a police decoy, he pleaded guilty and is in prison (rfir his safety as he was suicidal) awaiting sentencing (a week tomorrow).
He has a complex mental illness diagnosis and 2 years ago was in psychiatric hospital so this is the second time they've had to deal with his sudden absence although this time has been for much longer.
As we currently don't know the sentence (solicitor is aiming for suspended and probation services have recommended release, but I know that doesn't guarantee anything) the kids only know that he was very unwell again (they know the police were involved as the police had to speak with the kids and we explained that was to ensure everyone was safe) and they believe he went back into hospital and that he has to work to get himself better so he is unable to come home or see us at the moment. They have a weekly phone call and we've kept it so they haven't been told he is in prison but they do know it's not his or my choice that he's not at home and that it is complicated.
I'd like to think about what to tell them if he gets
- a custodial sentence
- release (he will live with him mum and depending on the SHPO and social services we are expecting some sort of supervised contact restrictions although this is going to be hugely stressful for me).
We have also agreed to separate for now and not to make any final decisions until we've both had counselling separately and together, but I don't see our marriage continuing.
He has always been patient and caring with the kids and they've never had any reason to feel unsafe etc.
The kids are aware of his mental health problems, but it will be hard to explain to them that he's done something illegal (Without the full details) and has to face the consequences, when the consequences have shattered their family life. I also don't want his mental health to be the excuse for this although it is all intertwined.
I guess there is guidance out there on talking to kids when a parent is in prison or has committed a crime and is released with an order, when a parent has a mental illness and when social services are involved, but I'm getting in a total mess trying to bring everything together ????
Also about why we don't want to share this information widely (I'm mindful it may be in the press but if it isn't I don't want it known as I don't want the kids to be targeted )
any links etc very welcomed x
my kids are 10 and 7, their dad was arrested in mid November for online chat with a police decoy, he pleaded guilty and is in prison (rfir his safety as he was suicidal) awaiting sentencing (a week tomorrow).
He has a complex mental illness diagnosis and 2 years ago was in psychiatric hospital so this is the second time they've had to deal with his sudden absence although this time has been for much longer.
As we currently don't know the sentence (solicitor is aiming for suspended and probation services have recommended release, but I know that doesn't guarantee anything) the kids only know that he was very unwell again (they know the police were involved as the police had to speak with the kids and we explained that was to ensure everyone was safe) and they believe he went back into hospital and that he has to work to get himself better so he is unable to come home or see us at the moment. They have a weekly phone call and we've kept it so they haven't been told he is in prison but they do know it's not his or my choice that he's not at home and that it is complicated.
I'd like to think about what to tell them if he gets
- a custodial sentence
- release (he will live with him mum and depending on the SHPO and social services we are expecting some sort of supervised contact restrictions although this is going to be hugely stressful for me).
We have also agreed to separate for now and not to make any final decisions until we've both had counselling separately and together, but I don't see our marriage continuing.
He has always been patient and caring with the kids and they've never had any reason to feel unsafe etc.
The kids are aware of his mental health problems, but it will be hard to explain to them that he's done something illegal (Without the full details) and has to face the consequences, when the consequences have shattered their family life. I also don't want his mental health to be the excuse for this although it is all intertwined.
I guess there is guidance out there on talking to kids when a parent is in prison or has committed a crime and is released with an order, when a parent has a mental illness and when social services are involved, but I'm getting in a total mess trying to bring everything together ????
Also about why we don't want to share this information widely (I'm mindful it may be in the press but if it isn't I don't want it known as I don't want the kids to be targeted )
any links etc very welcomed x
Hi Scared3546
have you heard of NICCO? They deal with families of offenders, perhaps they might be able to help.
im so sorry that you find yourself in such a difficult situation I'm there too but one of mine is old enough to know and the other one is young enough not to. But I have the same type of questions when my littlest grows up.
I hope that I have been of some assistance. Hugs x
have you heard of NICCO? They deal with families of offenders, perhaps they might be able to help.
im so sorry that you find yourself in such a difficult situation I'm there too but one of mine is old enough to know and the other one is young enough not to. But I have the same type of questions when my littlest grows up.
I hope that I have been of some assistance. Hugs x
I've heart people on this form say a charity called children seen and heard are excellent, it's for children who have parents in prison and they will advise you best on what to say to children and be age appropriate. Also take care of yourself, make sure you're ok, call the helpline, your gp, a trusted friend. Self care is so important, I learnt that the hard way, do what's best for you my love xx
Thank you new lady and dragon mama - take care of yourselves too x
ive emailed children seen and heard so hopefully they will have some suggestions, I think I'll call the helpline again too x
ive emailed children seen and heard so hopefully they will have some suggestions, I think I'll call the helpline again too x