Family member for supervision
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Hi all. It has been a while since I have given an update, especially on my partner's family court case.
For those not too familiar, my partner was arrested in 2017 for iioc and has two young children, who hasnt seen since because the mother doesn't want them to have any contact.
I met my partner whilst he was under investigation, he was sentenced in 2019. My partner has tried to get some sort of supervised contact with his kids, but he has been self representing and navigating all this has been a whirlwind. The courts first told my partner he could not pursue contact until his sentencing (which took over two years) and then by the time he applied again covid hit and it was been nearly three further years and still not much further ahead.
My partner was told by the courts, and heavily recommended by CAFCASS, to have a professional assessment which was completed at the start of this year. The courts and CAFCASS were not clear in what they wanted and so the assessment was poo pooed, and 2k+ down the drain.
It wasn't until two years after my partner applied for contact after his sentence that he was informed about the option for a Guardian for the children - someone to represent them essentially. Like I said my partner has been representing himself but didn't pick up on the option of a guardian. One has now been assigned and a SW for the case.
The SW was apparently annoyed to find out that the previous SS closed the case and didn't think to look into contact, because now the new SW has to assess whether my partner is a physical and emotional risk, and now also whether reconnecting will be detrimental. His youngest has no memory of him and the youngest unlikely remembers much.
Sorry that this is a long post....now to the point ...
There does seem to be some movement that there is a chance my partner might get supervised contact (first in a centre, and in the community). So my partner has asked his mum (the grandmother to the kids) to be out forward as a supervisor. His mum has been tricky to engage with about my partner's offence. It wasn't until she started having interviews with SS and other professionals that we realised she hasn't taken it in well, despite my partner on a number of occasions explaining and offering to answer her questions.
Her knowledge of safeguarding was limited so we asked her to do some modules and research, which I think she has done. We also asked her to read the modules on stop it now to get an understanding of iioc offending to help her engage with my partner. We told her that this was vital to allow her to be an approved supervisor and will help her get access to the grandkids.
She said she would do the work as she wanted to see her grandkids. And we had a few weeks ago a meeting with the SW to discuss the family court case, our understanding of my partner's offence and the impact going forward, and the support network for my partner. It was also an opportunity for the SW to assess the suitability of my partner's mother as a supervisor.
This was also the first time I had spoken directly to a professional on the matter (other than the PO and police liaison).
During the chat my partner's mum essentially said she didn't want to supervise....she didn't express this to us at all beforehand... The reason is because by being a supervisor you do lose the family element to it all, she would have to be on high alert and won't be able to enjoy her time fully with the kids.
The SW has said she doesn't feel family make good supervisors, especially long term because of the risk of becoming complacent. The SW currently would prefer the use of a professional supervisor (of my partner is signed off as safe enough to be around his kids, aka not high risk).
I did suggest myself, but I'm not known to the kids and so a stranger. But I'm more impartial as I don't have a family bond with the kids, and I'm ok with not building a full relationship if it means they can see their dad. But I can see that I could be a concern to SS as I'm in a relationship with an offender. I have not had an assessment on my suitability as a protective person to confirm otherwise.
So now we are waiting to hear back on what my partner needs to do for another assessment, and if the result is favourable the SS will need to consider if it is a good idea for reconnection. The kids are doing well overall, there is a concern it might upset them too much, or that when they are old enough to know the full truth that would be angry that they were made to reconnect and also how would they cope with the info.
It is a real head scratcher, my partner might show as a risk levels suitable for supervised contact, but might be it has been far too long and reconnection won't be allowed until they are 16-18 (not clear what the age would be).
We just want a definitive answer. I can understand that his ex wife wants to keep his kids away, but he does have a right to try to get contact. She is concerned with his risk, but still refuses supervised contact in a centre with professionals.
It may be at this rate my partner will have to pay per hour for a professional- that is £80 an hour....he can't really afford to spend for example a whole day with the kids. Would have to be a few hours every few weeks.
It is frustrating that my partner's mum wasn't honest beforehand because I feel like the SW has likely wasted their time and now we have to really think about plan B.
I will write another post at some point on the rest of the SW convo they had with me, as she said some thought provoking aspects that might help others and gives a perspective from the professionals.
Overall I feel there has been some progress, but I'm pessimistic that this all has taken far too long and the kids wellbeing will be deemed too fragile at this time
For those not too familiar, my partner was arrested in 2017 for iioc and has two young children, who hasnt seen since because the mother doesn't want them to have any contact.
I met my partner whilst he was under investigation, he was sentenced in 2019. My partner has tried to get some sort of supervised contact with his kids, but he has been self representing and navigating all this has been a whirlwind. The courts first told my partner he could not pursue contact until his sentencing (which took over two years) and then by the time he applied again covid hit and it was been nearly three further years and still not much further ahead.
My partner was told by the courts, and heavily recommended by CAFCASS, to have a professional assessment which was completed at the start of this year. The courts and CAFCASS were not clear in what they wanted and so the assessment was poo pooed, and 2k+ down the drain.
It wasn't until two years after my partner applied for contact after his sentence that he was informed about the option for a Guardian for the children - someone to represent them essentially. Like I said my partner has been representing himself but didn't pick up on the option of a guardian. One has now been assigned and a SW for the case.
The SW was apparently annoyed to find out that the previous SS closed the case and didn't think to look into contact, because now the new SW has to assess whether my partner is a physical and emotional risk, and now also whether reconnecting will be detrimental. His youngest has no memory of him and the youngest unlikely remembers much.
Sorry that this is a long post....now to the point ...
There does seem to be some movement that there is a chance my partner might get supervised contact (first in a centre, and in the community). So my partner has asked his mum (the grandmother to the kids) to be out forward as a supervisor. His mum has been tricky to engage with about my partner's offence. It wasn't until she started having interviews with SS and other professionals that we realised she hasn't taken it in well, despite my partner on a number of occasions explaining and offering to answer her questions.
Her knowledge of safeguarding was limited so we asked her to do some modules and research, which I think she has done. We also asked her to read the modules on stop it now to get an understanding of iioc offending to help her engage with my partner. We told her that this was vital to allow her to be an approved supervisor and will help her get access to the grandkids.
She said she would do the work as she wanted to see her grandkids. And we had a few weeks ago a meeting with the SW to discuss the family court case, our understanding of my partner's offence and the impact going forward, and the support network for my partner. It was also an opportunity for the SW to assess the suitability of my partner's mother as a supervisor.
This was also the first time I had spoken directly to a professional on the matter (other than the PO and police liaison).
During the chat my partner's mum essentially said she didn't want to supervise....she didn't express this to us at all beforehand... The reason is because by being a supervisor you do lose the family element to it all, she would have to be on high alert and won't be able to enjoy her time fully with the kids.
The SW has said she doesn't feel family make good supervisors, especially long term because of the risk of becoming complacent. The SW currently would prefer the use of a professional supervisor (of my partner is signed off as safe enough to be around his kids, aka not high risk).
I did suggest myself, but I'm not known to the kids and so a stranger. But I'm more impartial as I don't have a family bond with the kids, and I'm ok with not building a full relationship if it means they can see their dad. But I can see that I could be a concern to SS as I'm in a relationship with an offender. I have not had an assessment on my suitability as a protective person to confirm otherwise.
So now we are waiting to hear back on what my partner needs to do for another assessment, and if the result is favourable the SS will need to consider if it is a good idea for reconnection. The kids are doing well overall, there is a concern it might upset them too much, or that when they are old enough to know the full truth that would be angry that they were made to reconnect and also how would they cope with the info.
It is a real head scratcher, my partner might show as a risk levels suitable for supervised contact, but might be it has been far too long and reconnection won't be allowed until they are 16-18 (not clear what the age would be).
We just want a definitive answer. I can understand that his ex wife wants to keep his kids away, but he does have a right to try to get contact. She is concerned with his risk, but still refuses supervised contact in a centre with professionals.
It may be at this rate my partner will have to pay per hour for a professional- that is £80 an hour....he can't really afford to spend for example a whole day with the kids. Would have to be a few hours every few weeks.
It is frustrating that my partner's mum wasn't honest beforehand because I feel like the SW has likely wasted their time and now we have to really think about plan B.
I will write another post at some point on the rest of the SW convo they had with me, as she said some thought provoking aspects that might help others and gives a perspective from the professionals.
Overall I feel there has been some progress, but I'm pessimistic that this all has taken far too long and the kids wellbeing will be deemed too fragile at this time
Sorry for the long post....my thumb is now killing me...
Jesus, I fell for you and your partner.
Looking forward to what you have to say about the perspective, really interesting!
Looking forward to what you have to say about the perspective, really interesting!
Hi green.
The perception post is called
SW meeting - their perception of offenders :)
Another long read....
The perception post is called
SW meeting - their perception of offenders :)
Another long read....