Partner Arrested and Feeling Alone
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Hi, i dont really know where to start i feel so lost. I tried buying a notebook to write my feelings but i ended up staring at empty pages.
On 23rd April at 6.55am my world was turned upside down.
I was called downstairs to speak to the police about the people who lived in my home and had access to the internet. In particular they were interested in my partner who i had recently seperated. This being the love of my life was such a shock.
The police initially wouldnt tell me what they wanted to know this information for and asked me where they could find my now ex-partner, i explained i actually worked with him and that he would be likely to be at work that morning, they asked me to go into work as if i hadnt seen them. When i got to work i saw they were in the car park, i began to shake, i walked into work knowing they would be coming in soon to talk to him, he was the first person i saw, we had started talking again over the weekend and had said that we realised we loved each other and that given ime we would work on ourselves and piece our relationship back together so we were on good terms, he instantly knew i wasnt ok. I couldnt be in the room with him. I received a call it was the police they wanted to confirm that he was in the building, i confirmed this and shortly after they entered and asked to speak with him.
THe next thing i knew he had disappeared and was no longer at work no one had been informed of him leaving, i feared the worse still not knowing what had happened or why.
At around 2pm that day i received a call from the police saying that they wanted to inform me that they had indeed arrested myt partner and that they would only disclose this to me for the safety of my children. They then said that they had pin pointed illegal activity to my router in my home which they had linked to an email account of my partners. This illegal activity is images of child abuse.
The bottom fell out of my world. Later that day they returned my partner to our work where i did go in an talk to him, he looked destroyed he sobbed and told me that this wasnt him, he hadnt done this and that he didnt know anything about it. I looked him in the eye and i believe him... (am i completely mad/stupid/in denial???) He read me the letter he said they had removed his phone. I couldnt work out why they were not interested in taking any of our devices that morning but they didnt remove any of them.
They called me and said he had been released without charge pending investigation with no bail conditions.
Having said this the police came back to my home on Friday and taked to me, an officer came on his own, he took my laptop at this point after i offered it to him and also my partners old broken phone.
I have been advised that i am looking at waiting 3 months to know if they find anything on his phone or the devices, and a further 3 months for them to officially report them back to me. If they do find anything there will be another 6 months before anything went to court and that this would more than likely not be a custodial sentence..... (why?!) he says they have said he would go to prison... why tell us different things??! Is he lying?
I went and saw my doctor who has given me a very high dose of eveything to try and numb my whirlwind mind which is not slowing down still now.
He is living with his mum, and finally came back to work this Monday, but now he has told me his solicitor and mental health worker that they have put him in touch with have suggested that moving away and starting again would be best for him. He is saying today is his last day at work and i feel so awful im still typing and so much of this wont make sense! There is so much back story our life is complicated anyway.
What do i do?!
Feeling very alone, not sure who i can trust or turn to.
On 23rd April at 6.55am my world was turned upside down.
I was called downstairs to speak to the police about the people who lived in my home and had access to the internet. In particular they were interested in my partner who i had recently seperated. This being the love of my life was such a shock.
The police initially wouldnt tell me what they wanted to know this information for and asked me where they could find my now ex-partner, i explained i actually worked with him and that he would be likely to be at work that morning, they asked me to go into work as if i hadnt seen them. When i got to work i saw they were in the car park, i began to shake, i walked into work knowing they would be coming in soon to talk to him, he was the first person i saw, we had started talking again over the weekend and had said that we realised we loved each other and that given ime we would work on ourselves and piece our relationship back together so we were on good terms, he instantly knew i wasnt ok. I couldnt be in the room with him. I received a call it was the police they wanted to confirm that he was in the building, i confirmed this and shortly after they entered and asked to speak with him.
THe next thing i knew he had disappeared and was no longer at work no one had been informed of him leaving, i feared the worse still not knowing what had happened or why.
At around 2pm that day i received a call from the police saying that they wanted to inform me that they had indeed arrested myt partner and that they would only disclose this to me for the safety of my children. They then said that they had pin pointed illegal activity to my router in my home which they had linked to an email account of my partners. This illegal activity is images of child abuse.
The bottom fell out of my world. Later that day they returned my partner to our work where i did go in an talk to him, he looked destroyed he sobbed and told me that this wasnt him, he hadnt done this and that he didnt know anything about it. I looked him in the eye and i believe him... (am i completely mad/stupid/in denial???) He read me the letter he said they had removed his phone. I couldnt work out why they were not interested in taking any of our devices that morning but they didnt remove any of them.
They called me and said he had been released without charge pending investigation with no bail conditions.
Having said this the police came back to my home on Friday and taked to me, an officer came on his own, he took my laptop at this point after i offered it to him and also my partners old broken phone.
I have been advised that i am looking at waiting 3 months to know if they find anything on his phone or the devices, and a further 3 months for them to officially report them back to me. If they do find anything there will be another 6 months before anything went to court and that this would more than likely not be a custodial sentence..... (why?!) he says they have said he would go to prison... why tell us different things??! Is he lying?
I went and saw my doctor who has given me a very high dose of eveything to try and numb my whirlwind mind which is not slowing down still now.
He is living with his mum, and finally came back to work this Monday, but now he has told me his solicitor and mental health worker that they have put him in touch with have suggested that moving away and starting again would be best for him. He is saying today is his last day at work and i feel so awful im still typing and so much of this wont make sense! There is so much back story our life is complicated anyway.
What do i do?!
Feeling very alone, not sure who i can trust or turn to.
Hi there, first of all, I am sorry that you have to go though this butou are not alone. There is a lovely group of people on here who have had similar experiences to yours.
I thought I would tell you my experience. My husband was arrested at the beginning of January. He was not allowed to tell me the allegation but the Police told me what he was arrested for. About 10 police officers and IT experts searched the house and took all our electronics I thought they must have made a mistake or that someone hacked our ip address and was trying to frame my husband. He was taken to the Police station and bailed after several hours. He could not come home because I have young children.
A week later he decided to tell me that he has had a porn addiction for many years. He said he might have accidentally clicked on a pop-up while in a daze watching porn. I was furious but still believed this story.
Fast forward 4 months and he has been charged with possession of 100s of images. Only after he was charged, he admitted to it all.
We were together for 17 years.
It is an enormous shock when It all happens. Give yourself some time to process things. Try not to make any big decisions in the next few weeks, speak to someone or call the helpline of you want to remain anonymous. I hope you find some answers.
I thought I would tell you my experience. My husband was arrested at the beginning of January. He was not allowed to tell me the allegation but the Police told me what he was arrested for. About 10 police officers and IT experts searched the house and took all our electronics I thought they must have made a mistake or that someone hacked our ip address and was trying to frame my husband. He was taken to the Police station and bailed after several hours. He could not come home because I have young children.
A week later he decided to tell me that he has had a porn addiction for many years. He said he might have accidentally clicked on a pop-up while in a daze watching porn. I was furious but still believed this story.
Fast forward 4 months and he has been charged with possession of 100s of images. Only after he was charged, he admitted to it all.
We were together for 17 years.
It is an enormous shock when It all happens. Give yourself some time to process things. Try not to make any big decisions in the next few weeks, speak to someone or call the helpline of you want to remain anonymous. I hope you find some answers.
Hi ladies
Both your stories are so similar to many of ours, I can see so many similarities it's quite scary. What is also the same is the mix of emotions that you are and will go through.
Please don't think this is going to be a quick thing because it won't, if your husband/partner are honest then you'll know what you're facing and can make decisions, of like mine they lie all the way through then sadly you won't know what's going on.
I find it hard to think that the police would lie to you about the charges and what's going on and maybe your other half is too embarrassed or can't tell you due to not taking responsibility.
What I will say is you will have good and bad days, this path is really hard but you will get nothing but support on here so use us to ask questions and rant of you need to.
Sorry you have joined our group, no one would wish this on you but welcome xx
Both your stories are so similar to many of ours, I can see so many similarities it's quite scary. What is also the same is the mix of emotions that you are and will go through.
Please don't think this is going to be a quick thing because it won't, if your husband/partner are honest then you'll know what you're facing and can make decisions, of like mine they lie all the way through then sadly you won't know what's going on.
I find it hard to think that the police would lie to you about the charges and what's going on and maybe your other half is too embarrassed or can't tell you due to not taking responsibility.
What I will say is you will have good and bad days, this path is really hard but you will get nothing but support on here so use us to ask questions and rant of you need to.
Sorry you have joined our group, no one would wish this on you but welcome xx
Thank you ladies, having re read what I wrote I wanted to thank you for bothering to read to the end!
I feel very lost my little girls are 7 and 5 and they have had my partner in their lives for 3 years he has bought them up as his own and they think of him as a daddy, they don’t understand why they can’t talk to him or see him.
I wish I could just turn back the hands of time I am holding open a small part of me in case he is lying just to stop myself for being hit so hard once again however the more I think about it because I can do nothing but think about it! The more I wonder if I am being stupid! And in denial?! x
I feel very lost my little girls are 7 and 5 and they have had my partner in their lives for 3 years he has bought them up as his own and they think of him as a daddy, they don’t understand why they can’t talk to him or see him.
I wish I could just turn back the hands of time I am holding open a small part of me in case he is lying just to stop myself for being hit so hard once again however the more I think about it because I can do nothing but think about it! The more I wonder if I am being stupid! And in denial?! x
Hi m1213
your not alone, these questions keep me up at night too, though less than before but it’s still constantly on my brain.
your a mum and you are surviving through this. That takes strength. I have a four year old she went from living with her daddy to seeing him twice a week for a few hours, during this time he manages to make a huge effort despite his mental health being poor. He will bake with her play Lego go to the park ( supervised by me or my mum)
life is different now it’s okay. My daughter did have a few night terrors to start with but is now managing okay ( she still needs support as she obviously picks up his mental health is bad) though we try and shield her as much as possible.
as your children have a significant relationship with your partner. Children services are likely to be involved. My husband can’t stay overnight. I don’t know what social services will say if he is not their father, he won’t have any rights. So I think you may be put under pressure to end the relationship. Be honest with them about the impact but ensure you are clear your children are the number one thing to you ( I am sure you will do this anyway, just explicitly say to children services, so they are clear)
the denial thing is huge and their is information on the Lucy Faithfull page about this. Don’t be too hard on yourself it’s natural for our brains to protect ourselves and want to survive. It’s truly traumatic information we have received and with no warning.
I won’t lie, it’s a long journey ahead. But you can do it.
I still care about my husband but we have separated. I won’t stop him seeing my daughter just yet as long as he gets help, and confronts his offending.
keep posting. My head was all over the place initially but I am becoming a bit clearer now about my future. Beth Lou xxx
your not alone, these questions keep me up at night too, though less than before but it’s still constantly on my brain.
your a mum and you are surviving through this. That takes strength. I have a four year old she went from living with her daddy to seeing him twice a week for a few hours, during this time he manages to make a huge effort despite his mental health being poor. He will bake with her play Lego go to the park ( supervised by me or my mum)
life is different now it’s okay. My daughter did have a few night terrors to start with but is now managing okay ( she still needs support as she obviously picks up his mental health is bad) though we try and shield her as much as possible.
as your children have a significant relationship with your partner. Children services are likely to be involved. My husband can’t stay overnight. I don’t know what social services will say if he is not their father, he won’t have any rights. So I think you may be put under pressure to end the relationship. Be honest with them about the impact but ensure you are clear your children are the number one thing to you ( I am sure you will do this anyway, just explicitly say to children services, so they are clear)
the denial thing is huge and their is information on the Lucy Faithfull page about this. Don’t be too hard on yourself it’s natural for our brains to protect ourselves and want to survive. It’s truly traumatic information we have received and with no warning.
I won’t lie, it’s a long journey ahead. But you can do it.
I still care about my husband but we have separated. I won’t stop him seeing my daughter just yet as long as he gets help, and confronts his offending.
keep posting. My head was all over the place initially but I am becoming a bit clearer now about my future. Beth Lou xxx
I went into work this morning to find he had decided to tell our boss last night he would not be coming back to work. I feel betrayed, he has run away from this and left me to deal with the consequences regardless of the fact he says he didnt do this, now i have even more questions i understand his paranoia i have the same i understand he says this is his name in question but also does he not understand the questions which will be raised over me my ex husband my family my childrens friends?!
I had hoped for loyalty and for him to stay and see this through with me. I now feel even more confused and alone!
He has said he doesnt want any contact with the children, they are devestated they do not know and therefore do not understand they just ask to see him. I already have a support worker assigned and im sure child services will be round to see me shortly, my life is not going to get any easier now i can see that!
I went to see my doctor this morning she has been very supportive and has advised i need to see someone and get talking, has anyone had any dealings with the inform programme? Is that worth calling the helpline? I just feel lost and very alone now.
I am so in love with him and i am so scared i have been manipulated and brain washed, i cant help that my heart loves him and my brain is telling me not to be so stupid!???
Why is this happening? ?How can this be happening? It feels like this is going to completely ruin my whole life and outlook
x
I had hoped for loyalty and for him to stay and see this through with me. I now feel even more confused and alone!
He has said he doesnt want any contact with the children, they are devestated they do not know and therefore do not understand they just ask to see him. I already have a support worker assigned and im sure child services will be round to see me shortly, my life is not going to get any easier now i can see that!
I went to see my doctor this morning she has been very supportive and has advised i need to see someone and get talking, has anyone had any dealings with the inform programme? Is that worth calling the helpline? I just feel lost and very alone now.
I am so in love with him and i am so scared i have been manipulated and brain washed, i cant help that my heart loves him and my brain is telling me not to be so stupid!???
Why is this happening? ?How can this be happening? It feels like this is going to completely ruin my whole life and outlook
x
I'm so so sorry that your partner is treating you in this way, I find it hard how he can turn his back on you and the children but, and I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, maybe his mental health is quite bad at the moment and he can't manage to deal with anyone else. I'm only saying that as a lot of the men in situation find the early days particularly hard and many of us have either had talks around suicide, attempts or sadly actually committing suicide.
This didn't make things easier for you and the feelings of love will be with you for a long, long while. This whole mess is awful, there's nothing easier about it and yes, please do ring the helpline, they really will help you. I haven't done the courses but I did find it really helpful to go through the website and read it, in my case, over and over again!!
Try and stay strong, be kind to yourself and give yourself time, don't be harsh on yourself. There is no right or wrong way to behave or feel. Keep coming in here, unfortunately we've all been there/are there and we understand your feelings and emotions
Xxx
This didn't make things easier for you and the feelings of love will be with you for a long, long while. This whole mess is awful, there's nothing easier about it and yes, please do ring the helpline, they really will help you. I haven't done the courses but I did find it really helpful to go through the website and read it, in my case, over and over again!!
Try and stay strong, be kind to yourself and give yourself time, don't be harsh on yourself. There is no right or wrong way to behave or feel. Keep coming in here, unfortunately we've all been there/are there and we understand your feelings and emotions
Xxx
Its strange he has just disappeared from the face of the earth, I dont see him or hear from him he has just gone. I suppose him not being there is kind of helping, however there are still so many things that just dont seem to add up, i spoke with my support worker yesterday she said that the case has still not been logged on social services for child welfare... surely this should have been done by now??
Im so confused i suppose all i have to actually compare this to is what i have seen on the TV so i am making a lot of assumptions but they didnt want my laptop i asked them to take it and check it, they didnt take any of our devices, they havent taken a statement from me, just seems very strange my partner had moved out for a month when they turned up with this information however it was all traced to my address is that why i am not being informed?
I dont even know if he has told the police he has left, he has changed his number and removed his social media platforms, now i am left with lots of people questionning why has he just disappeared what has happened.... i have no idea what to reply i am trying to avoid people just because i am not sure what to do or say! I cant say anything because i dont actually know i just know what the accusation was for.
I have contacted time to talk and i am hopefully going to seek some councilling i think i just need someone to talk to about all of this..
My head is completely overwhelmed!
How are all of you surviving this???
M x
Im so confused i suppose all i have to actually compare this to is what i have seen on the TV so i am making a lot of assumptions but they didnt want my laptop i asked them to take it and check it, they didnt take any of our devices, they havent taken a statement from me, just seems very strange my partner had moved out for a month when they turned up with this information however it was all traced to my address is that why i am not being informed?
I dont even know if he has told the police he has left, he has changed his number and removed his social media platforms, now i am left with lots of people questionning why has he just disappeared what has happened.... i have no idea what to reply i am trying to avoid people just because i am not sure what to do or say! I cant say anything because i dont actually know i just know what the accusation was for.
I have contacted time to talk and i am hopefully going to seek some councilling i think i just need someone to talk to about all of this..
My head is completely overwhelmed!
How are all of you surviving this???
M x
Hi M1213
I think you will find that you will not be told anything at all due to data protection, unless he gives permission you're not allowed to know
I found this one of the really hard things to come to terms with, my life was blown apart and yet I couldn't know why it what for. The only way I found out the truth was by going to his court hearings but again I came by them by accident rather than being told.
I think it's all crap that you can't know, it's bad enough getting your head around it without being kept in the dark!
You may not feel like it but you're doing so well and I will get easier eventually although I know it won't feel like that at the moment.
Take care xx
I think you will find that you will not be told anything at all due to data protection, unless he gives permission you're not allowed to know
I found this one of the really hard things to come to terms with, my life was blown apart and yet I couldn't know why it what for. The only way I found out the truth was by going to his court hearings but again I came by them by accident rather than being told.
I think it's all crap that you can't know, it's bad enough getting your head around it without being kept in the dark!
You may not feel like it but you're doing so well and I will get easier eventually although I know it won't feel like that at the moment.
Take care xx
Anger seems to have taken over now I’m guessing this is quite a natural thing?
I spoke with time to talk today, they said I would probably be better off talking to mind, so I called them and they said I should really talk to time to talk so it’s back to the drawing board who do I turn to?! I am just about holding it together but it seems to be getting harder, and now I have no idea where he is, or any way of contacting him I am angry I feel like shouting it to anyone who will listen because I am so upset and betrayed he has abandoned me and if he can do that then maybe what they have said he did has really happened?!
I feel so lost and angry now I can’t get the anger out! I can’t talk to anyone and I don’t feel I can trust anyone this has destroyed what was left of my dwindling mental health!
Xx
I spoke with time to talk today, they said I would probably be better off talking to mind, so I called them and they said I should really talk to time to talk so it’s back to the drawing board who do I turn to?! I am just about holding it together but it seems to be getting harder, and now I have no idea where he is, or any way of contacting him I am angry I feel like shouting it to anyone who will listen because I am so upset and betrayed he has abandoned me and if he can do that then maybe what they have said he did has really happened?!
I feel so lost and angry now I can’t get the anger out! I can’t talk to anyone and I don’t feel I can trust anyone this has destroyed what was left of my dwindling mental health!
Xx
Hey you can talk to us.
its such a huge trauma you have been through. I am six months in and not sure if I have got to the real anger yet. My brain is still trying to process it, and reflect on my life.
your entitled to feel angry about it. He was not honest and was deceitful. You and us didn’t deserve this and had no way of knowing this was going on. Part of my frustration is we also were together a number of years and he never communicated to say he was struggling.
Your mental health is important, consider speaking to your gp. Self care is important although I still struggle with this.
its even more frustrating for you as you don’t know where he is to be blooming annoyed with him for wrecking your and his own life.
in truth even if he was there I doubt he could give answers to these questions. I would expect he did value you but deep down felt he didn’t deserve you and went into self destructive actions. He and our partners was a weak man. To sacrifice something so good for cheap sexual thrills. They brought themselves down due whatever reasons and I get how angry you are that you can’t shout and scream at him.
We are left to pick up the pieces and for me I am stronger than I ever thought possible. I can and do have very low days but I am still going and I love being a mum to my daughter it’s my husbands loss that he won’t have overnights with her and do the parenting things he expected.
i don’t know your husband, but I suspect he is very scared and running away from his shame. I feel they hid it because they knew it was wrong and were deeply ashamed by this part of themselves not because they wanted to hurt us.
yes it’s wrong. The law will punish him. You did absolutely nothing wrong, it’s their issues not ours. So do be kind to yourself.
i posted so much in the early days when I couldn’t sleep. Someone will always get back to you.
with love beth lou
hope my responses wasn’t too rambling. Although I myself don’t think I have hit anger I know I have been blooming frustrated at him for causing us this pain. Xxx
its such a huge trauma you have been through. I am six months in and not sure if I have got to the real anger yet. My brain is still trying to process it, and reflect on my life.
your entitled to feel angry about it. He was not honest and was deceitful. You and us didn’t deserve this and had no way of knowing this was going on. Part of my frustration is we also were together a number of years and he never communicated to say he was struggling.
Your mental health is important, consider speaking to your gp. Self care is important although I still struggle with this.
its even more frustrating for you as you don’t know where he is to be blooming annoyed with him for wrecking your and his own life.
in truth even if he was there I doubt he could give answers to these questions. I would expect he did value you but deep down felt he didn’t deserve you and went into self destructive actions. He and our partners was a weak man. To sacrifice something so good for cheap sexual thrills. They brought themselves down due whatever reasons and I get how angry you are that you can’t shout and scream at him.
We are left to pick up the pieces and for me I am stronger than I ever thought possible. I can and do have very low days but I am still going and I love being a mum to my daughter it’s my husbands loss that he won’t have overnights with her and do the parenting things he expected.
i don’t know your husband, but I suspect he is very scared and running away from his shame. I feel they hid it because they knew it was wrong and were deeply ashamed by this part of themselves not because they wanted to hurt us.
yes it’s wrong. The law will punish him. You did absolutely nothing wrong, it’s their issues not ours. So do be kind to yourself.
i posted so much in the early days when I couldn’t sleep. Someone will always get back to you.
with love beth lou
hope my responses wasn’t too rambling. Although I myself don’t think I have hit anger I know I have been blooming frustrated at him for causing us this pain. Xxx
Good Afternoon All,
So I am 3 &1/2 months in now.
I thought my life would be back to normal by now... it's most definitely not.
I heard from the police in the first time in months yesterday, they have advised that all they can confirm at this minute that there are no images of my children that have been discovered, that is all they have been able to tell me, but they will be meeting with my ex partner regarding the case over the coming weeks.
Im still not 100% sure i can believe what has happened, every time i thought it had got to the worst bit something more happened.
I orginally was split from my partner on a break when the police knocked on the door, having found cocaine hidden in our bathroom, the knock then happened and a few days later he left, since then i have found out he was having an affair with a really quite awful woman, of which she actually left with him. She abandonded her children left them in school just not turning up one day for collection and they moved away together, not to be heard from for months.
I have since found myself in a very odd situation, it turns out i know the partner of the woman who left with my ex and we have since become friends trying to help each other out, i now spend a lot of time with his children as they have effectively lost their mum who chose my scum of an ex over her beautiful children, they are struggling as are mine with the loss of a parent in the house, and i would hope that i am helping by just being another person for them to be able to rely on.
Thinking that although the situation was a little strange that things were settling, now the police are back in contact and cant confirm or deny what is happening with the case which obviously leaves me in limbo.
My ex has moved about 3 hours away, but his new partner has now been in contact saying she wants her children, now i feel that i cannot not get involved when it comes to this woman seeing her children she abandoned while being with my ex and not knowing exactly what he had been doing.
Am i being completely off the mark with my feelings about this? Am i just being affected by the pure hatred for him and what he did and her for having an affair with him? Or do i have a right to feel like this? I wonder if i care more for her children than she does, she has had no contact with them and now is requesting 6 hours a month..... no parental rights nothing just a visit, it just doesnt sit well with me! and would she really endanger her children not knowing if the man she is with is a child abuser?
Im so confused and still no closer to getting any form of councilling or talking therapy to deal with this horrendous life situation that seems to just have spiralled out of control?
I cant see how long this is going to be prolonged for! OR whether the outcome is actually going to make me feel any better.
How do you get past it?
So I am 3 &1/2 months in now.
I thought my life would be back to normal by now... it's most definitely not.
I heard from the police in the first time in months yesterday, they have advised that all they can confirm at this minute that there are no images of my children that have been discovered, that is all they have been able to tell me, but they will be meeting with my ex partner regarding the case over the coming weeks.
Im still not 100% sure i can believe what has happened, every time i thought it had got to the worst bit something more happened.
I orginally was split from my partner on a break when the police knocked on the door, having found cocaine hidden in our bathroom, the knock then happened and a few days later he left, since then i have found out he was having an affair with a really quite awful woman, of which she actually left with him. She abandonded her children left them in school just not turning up one day for collection and they moved away together, not to be heard from for months.
I have since found myself in a very odd situation, it turns out i know the partner of the woman who left with my ex and we have since become friends trying to help each other out, i now spend a lot of time with his children as they have effectively lost their mum who chose my scum of an ex over her beautiful children, they are struggling as are mine with the loss of a parent in the house, and i would hope that i am helping by just being another person for them to be able to rely on.
Thinking that although the situation was a little strange that things were settling, now the police are back in contact and cant confirm or deny what is happening with the case which obviously leaves me in limbo.
My ex has moved about 3 hours away, but his new partner has now been in contact saying she wants her children, now i feel that i cannot not get involved when it comes to this woman seeing her children she abandoned while being with my ex and not knowing exactly what he had been doing.
Am i being completely off the mark with my feelings about this? Am i just being affected by the pure hatred for him and what he did and her for having an affair with him? Or do i have a right to feel like this? I wonder if i care more for her children than she does, she has had no contact with them and now is requesting 6 hours a month..... no parental rights nothing just a visit, it just doesnt sit well with me! and would she really endanger her children not knowing if the man she is with is a child abuser?
Im so confused and still no closer to getting any form of councilling or talking therapy to deal with this horrendous life situation that seems to just have spiralled out of control?
I cant see how long this is going to be prolonged for! OR whether the outcome is actually going to make me feel any better.
How do you get past it?